Page 112 of Until August

He was more of a live-in-the-moment guy.

When he was thirteen, he spray-painted YOLO all over his bedroom wall.

“You’ve been acting like a grieving widow….” Before I could say anything, he held up his hand to stop me. “Just hear me out. It’s like you’ve put Cruz on a pedestal. Just like Mom and Dad do. You all act like he walked on water and was so perfect.”

I was quick to respond. “We don’t do that. Maybe Mom and Dad do. But I don’t.”

“Um, yeah, you do. Cruz was great, but he wasn’t perfect. I’m sure you had a good marriage and loved each other. But if you keep acting like he was a saint and could do no wrong, you’ll never be able to let someone else in. No man will ever live up to the image of Cruz you have in your head.”

He gave me a pointed look, and I wanted to tell him he was wrong, but he wasn’t.

Now that I thought about it, everything he said was true. Maybe I hadn’t given him enough credit.

“I didn’t know Cruz the way you did, but I knew him pretty well,” Luca said. “When it came to most things, Cruz wasn’t a pushover. But when it came to you, he would have walked over burning coals barefoot if you’d asked him to do it.”

Tears stung my eyes because it was true. Cruz would have done anything for me.

He didn’t even like wine, but he took me up to Napa and acted like there was nowhere he’d rather be than tasting wine at the vineyards I’d dragged him to.

He wasn’t a foodie. But he took me to the Michelin-starred restaurants and all the foodie experiences on my bucket list because he knew it would make me happy.

He knew my dream was to open a restaurant, so he made it happen.

I hoped I was as good to him as he was to me.

The only thing I never questioned was whether he knew how much I loved him. He did. I told him every single day and tried to show him in a million little ways.

“You guys were good together,” Luca acknowledged. “So don’t take this the wrong way. But you’re a different person when you’re with August.”

“What do you mean?” I prompted.

“August brings out a different side of you. It’s kind of like….” He searched for the right words. “I don’t know. Maybe he’s what you neednow, and Cruz was who you neededthen.”

Wow. That was so insightful that I looked at Luca with fresh eyes. My little brother really had grown up.

“I don’t believe you’re supposed to be with just one person for your entire life,” he said. “People change too much to mate for life. So the person who’s right for you at eighteen probably won’t be right for you at twenty-four.”

For a while there, I thought this conversation was strictly about me. Now I was starting to wonder if this was abouthim.

Luca was twenty-four, and I didn’t think it was a coincidence he’d chosen that age. Not to mention that he told me he’d known his friend’s girlfriend since they were eighteen. “This isn’t even about me, is it? You’re trying to justify your actions. God. You really are a hound dog.”

“I’m not sorry. He wasn’t treating her right,” Luca said, confirming my suspicions that he’d circled back to himself. “She just needed me to show her that.” He punctuated his words with a smirk.

“So you’re trying to tell me you slept with her out of the goodness of your heart?”

“Pfft. Hell no. She’s hot. I’ve wanted her for years.” He tucked his hands under his head and tipped his face up to the sun with a satisfied smile. “Just waited for the right opportunity.”

I stood up from my lounger and smacked his arm with my paperback. “Remind me never to ask my little brother for advice again.”

Come to think of it, I hadn’t asked. He was the one who had started the conversation.

“Hey. Grab me another beer while you’re in there,” he yelled as I walked into the kitchen.

He could get his own damn beer.

CHAPTERTHIRTY-NINE

Nicola