Page 50 of Unmasking Love (D.C. Renegades #1)

Aiden

Ringing Out

"Good game," Felix says as we butt our helmets together after the end of a OT shootout win. I just close my eyes and give him a small nod then skate to the bench.

I'm going through the motions.

Food has lost its taste.

My head is in a fog.

I feel restless and jittery but also completely exhausted.

I’ve been home for twenty hours and I still haven’t seen Harper. She finally returned my text last night saying that she’s safe at Wes’s and that she misses me too.

But nothing about wanting to see me.

The riotous anger I felt when she first ditched out on me has been replaced with a resignation. I’ll be patient because she is my heart and soul embodied but a small part of me dies inside with every hour without her.

Tomorrow we have a full day off. No practice. No meetings. Nothing. Then games again Friday night and Sunday. How the hell am I going to occupy my time? I think about sitting outside Harper’s office hoping to catch a glimpse of her. But what if that pushes her further away?

I can’t risk it.

My parents are coming into town for the weekend. It's the first time they'll be seeing me play in D.C.

Two weeks ago I planned to introduce them to Harper, my girlfriend, but she's no longer speaking to me and I don't even know why. I spent the road trip texting her and moping the entire time. The boys let me be, they’d take turns trying to bring me into group discussions or join them for meals out but I just didn’t have the energy.

I needed Harper. Eventually they’d simply nod in my direction in quiet acknowledgement of my despair.

Everyday I’d expend the minimum amount of energy required. And once I got to my room I’d shower and climb into bed. Then I’d text Harper before staring at the ceiling until my eyes closed.

And a few days ago I started to text Wes too.

Wes said he'd have a talk with her last night when he got home. I think that’s why she sent a text back. He probably forced her. I just need her to give me a chance. I don't know exactly what she's upset about but I know if we can talk through it we'll figure it out.

I had a feeling I loved her before this, but now? It is a fact.

I love her and I don't want to be with anyone else as long as I live.

The only silver lining in all this is I'm so upset over Harper I haven't been obsessing over the trade deadline next week.

Gavin has started to practice again, I'm not sure when they'll test him out in a game setting but I have to imagine it's soon. They're going to want their star goalie in net for the playoffs.

After my post game session with the trainers I bundle up for my ride home. I try to lose myself in the rhythm of the pedals but it doesn't comfort me like usual.

All I can think about is how Harper won't be there when I get home.

We'd only been living together for a few months but already my life feels complete in a way I wouldn’t have been able to describe before. She has built a life with me. One that balances our jobs and interests.

I love you has been on the tip of my tongue since Florida. I’ve spent sleepless nights imagining saying it to her and hearing it back.

The snow flurries sta rt to fall as I lock up my bike. I'm glad it didn't start sooner because I do not want to deal with Felix driving me home or the team text.

I've been ignoring it for two weeks. The only messages I care to read are from Harper and she's not sending any.

I let myself into the apartment and hate that the lights aren't on. I hate that she's not busy humming while reading a magazine or curled up in bed with a book. I hate that I'm alone.

I keep the lights off and sink into the sofa, holding my head in my hands. For the last seven years I have made myself an island. I've never let anyone ashore. I never let myself spend too much time on the mainland either.

I kept my distance from my teammates. I barely got physical with women let alone date them. I didn't attend team dinners or parties. I did the charity events when it was required by the team.

I even shut my own pa rents out.

I have believed for so long I am better off alone. This is the first time in my life I think I might have been wrong.

Having connections, friends, teammates, family, isn't a weakness. It's a strength. It's an asset.

A relationship isn't a risk. Or maybe it is but it's one worth taking.

I brace myself for another unanswered call as I pull up Harper's contact.

I dial and set it on the coffee table in front of me on speakerphone.

Ring.

Ring.

Sometimes she sends me to voicemail at this point. Other times she lets it keep ringing. It's a little game I play with myself to try and figure out which one it'll be.

Ring.

So she hasn’t completely dismissed me yet. There’s a chance she still answers.

Did she stay up to watch the game?

Did Wes get home and talk to her?

When am I going to see her again?

Her voicemail picks up and I sigh before the recording starts and I leave her another message. I try to mask my disappointment that she didn’t answer.

I’m not sure how well I did.

***

“Hey Ma.” I greet my mom as she climbs out of the car. Dad gets out on the far side and joins our family hug. The contact feels good even though the hug I need most is from Harper.

On my day off yesterday I slept in. Then instead of taking a long ride I quickly rode to Harper’s office but I didn’t see her there.

I never went in to ask if the receptionist knew where she was.

Going to the office was desperate enough.

I couldn’t risk pushing her away by showing up at a house she’s selling.

“You look tired.” Mom says and I roll my eyes.

“He just got home from a marathon road trip, of course he’s tired.” Dad says.

“And you’re playing in every game, which is wonderful, but also, is it too much?” Mom asks as I open my apartment door for her.

“I’ve got the best training staff in the world helping me. I’m good. The road trip took it out of me.” I haven’t told them Harper left. I tidied up my apartment but it is painfully obvious that Harper isn’t here.

Mom immediately goes to the kitchen and starts rifling through the cabinets. She pulls a bag of chocolate chips out of the cupboard and turns to me. “You’re eating sweets?”

“Sometimes, but tho se are Harper’s. She loves to bake.” I tell them and then walk out of the room, pretending to do something in the bathroom. I know the question is coming. I’m not ready to lie. Saying it out loud makes it real.

“And where is Harper? I thought we’d be meeting her today.” Dad asks when I come back in.

“She’s at work now. Maybe at the game.” I say and then quickly move the subject along. “I booked your tour for 2pm so we better get a move on if we want to get lunch before. I’ll head back here so I can take my nap and head over to the arena around 3:30. Do you need to freshen up before we go?”

Mom takes a moment in the bathroom and Dad reads some news on his phone.

We head to lunch at a place near my apartment and catch up.

Mom shares about her Manjong group, Dad about the darts league he’s playing in on Wednesday nights.

I share about Harper’s home renovation progress and about the team’s strategy going into the last month of the regular season.

With another round of hugs I get them into the car and send them on their way to the museum.

I walk back to my apartment and trudge up the stairs.

I climb into bed and force my eyes closed. I am bone tired but sleep doesn’t come easily. I roll to my back and stare at my ceiling, one arm propped over my head.

When will Harper talk to me?

When will I see her again?

My worry over Harper has been all consuming. I barely registered that Gavin is back, that he’ll be playing the first period tonight. That my starting spot is in jeopardy. That I could be passed on to another team in exchange for a hot young goal scorer.

I roll to my side and clutch a pillow to my chest. My bones ache but sleep eventually comes and I get a little rest.

When I wake I eat, pa ck a bag, dress in my suit and call Harper before leaving.

Ring.

Ring.

Send me to voicemail? Or let it ring out?

Ring.

Ring out it is. She doesn’t answer but prickles travel down my spine when I hear her outgoing message. So, I start with that. With my need for her.