Page 46 of Unmasking Love (D.C. Renegades #1)

Harper

November, December, January, February

The Florida trip wrapped up with a win. Aiden flew home with the team and I flew home with the girls that same night. We climbed into bed in the early hours of the morning, we cuddled together and went to sleep.

When we woke up the next morning Aiden left for his bike ride and I stayed in bed and got another hour of sleep.

It was the first time since I’d moved in that we hadn’t fooled around at all.

And it’s happened a few more times since. Which is what I just shared with Wes over the bluetooth in my car as I drive to the game.

“Oh poor you missing a night of steaming hot sex with a professional athlete.” Wes pouts sarcastically. “Can you hear me playing the world's smallest violin?”

“Shut up! I’m not complaining. It’s just different I guess. Every night we were together since November included some sort of sex. And when he’s on the road we still get each other off.”

“I honestly can’t handle you right now.”

“But Wes, listen. Something is off. He’s been different lately.”

“Different how?” Wes asks, turning into the supportive friend I know him to be.

“I dunno, quieter?” I think back over the last three weeks. “No, it’s not that he’s quieter exactly, more like he’s holding something back.”

“He got the starting gig three weeks ago right?”

“ Yeah.” I considered this too but he was already contributing so much to the team, yeah there is a little more recovery time with the trainers and physical therapists but it’s not all that different.

“Maybe he’s just stressed about that.”

“No, he doesn’t seem stressed.” And I mean that.

Aiden has been energetic and positive. He asks me questions about my day, he shares bits and pieces of hockey but I think he likes not talking about it all night long.

We started watching Supernatural together when I told him how much I loved the show.

I still haven’t told him I named my oven after Jared P though.

“He’s not stressed, he’s not withdrawn, so obviously you are the problem.” Wes states matter of factly and I almost drive off the road.

“What the hell does that mean Wes?”

“I’m simply trying to make you hear how ridiculous your inner thoughts are right now.”

“Shut up Wes.”

“I’ll pay you $100,000 if you can tell me that wasn’t what you were thinking.”

“Shut up Wes.” I grumble quietly. He’s right. And he knows it. I am blaming myself for whatever this disconnect is between me and Aiden. I pull into the parking lot and drive to the space the attendant indicates. Before I get out of the car I sit with my head pressed into the head rest.

“Listen, Harper. Aiden is different. He’s not any of your past boyfriends. He’s your manfriend, remember?” I let out a reluctant chuckle when Wes pauses. “Just talk to him. Ask him. Figure it out.”

“I don’t know if I can.” I admit in a whisper.

“You won’t know until you try.” Wes says and I wish he was here to give me a hug instead of across the country for work. We say our goodbyes and I promise to call him tomorrow.

Aiden got me the two seats behind the net for the rest of the season.

They’re company seats for a local law firm.

He bought them out and offered up clu b level seats if they wanted them.

I've come to know the season ticket holders around me and I’ve built a little community of hockey fans to watch the games with.

They know I'm with Aiden, it became obvious when he blew me a kiss with his mit a few games ago.

But I don't want to shy away from our relationship anyway.

Even though something is irking me, I can easily admit that Aiden makes me feel whole in a way I've never felt before. Like me being there is enough. We haven't said the words yet but they've been on the tip of my tongue countless times since Florida.

When he brings me a coffee on the way back from his morning ride.

I love you.

When he rearranges the dishwasher after I've loaded it.

I love you.

When he's running his hand up and down my arm while we sit together at the end of the day.

I love you.

When he smiles at me through his goalie mask.

I love you.

And, yes, every time he makes me come so hard I see stars. I want to scream it.

I love you!

But the resistance I’m sensing in him has kept a lock on my admission. There is no way in hell I’m going to say them before he does.

He’ll be the first one I say them to and I’m not about to stick my neck out if there’s a chance he doesn’t feel the same way.

He introduced me to his parents via FaceTime last weekend. I could tell he was a little nervous but he didn’t need to be. They're wonderful and funny and I can see Aiden in both of them just from our one conversation.

The y were surprised to hear I had moved in but they recovered from the shock pretty quickly. Aiden started telling them about our day-to-day routine and his mom commented how nicely I fit into it.

I held back from telling her I think about how to make myself more useful to Aiden every day because I don’t want to overstay my welcome. Without Aiden’s offer I wouldn’t be working on my home.

Progress is being made on the house. It should be ready for me by April. That's just six weeks away. It feels crazy that they could essentially gut the place and get it turned around and livable in three months but Sean is good and ensures me he sticks to his timelines.

With Wes out of town for work this week, I asked Ivanna if she'd sit with me. I meet her at the guest services office before I take her to my seats. We both stand along the glass and wave at the guys when they come out for warmups. Then she turns to me.

"So how are you managing?"

"Managing what?"

"Being a hockey girlfriend?"

"Oh, fine. We're good. Why?" Has she heard something? I know the guys are all close so maybe Aiden complained about me and it got back to her. Do the other girls know?

"I'm just checking darling," she pats my knee. "It's exciting to have a new girl in the mix but since Aiden doesn't let you sit with us up in the family suite I don't get to check on you."

I laugh, "It's not that he doesn't let me, he just likes having me behind the net."

"Mhmm," she says and I feel the need to come to his defense.

"His parents live really far away and I don't think they come to a lot of games. So he likes knowing I'm here."

"Of course dear! And goalies certainly are their own breed."

We turn back to the ice and watch the guys take a few shots on Aiden. They circle around and fling pucks in his direction. After a few he skates out and goes to stretch near the bench.

"Has he done the splits for you?" Ivanna asks me and I cough on my drink.

"Ohmigosh! No!"

"Too bad, although I guess it's easier if the girl is the one doing the splits." Ivanna’s eyes lift up like she’s scientifically studying acrobatics.

"Yeah, I guess so," I agree as I watch Aiden on his knees as he sticks each leg out and kicks them up towards his shoulders as he holds himself up on the ice. My pussy clenches and I cross my legs. I see Ivanna smile slyly and I slap her on the arm with the back of my hand. "Shut up."

***

The Renegades scored to tie the game and a minute of play later they iced the puck which brought on the first TV timeout in the third period.

Usually the hype team plays some sort of celebrity lookalike game with the audience but instead Aiden's team photo appears on the jumbotron and I look at Ivanna wondering what is going on.

"Renegades!” The PA Announcer calls out. “Join me in celebrating a record-tying performance from our netminder, Aiden Youngren! With his primary assist earlier tonight he became the second goalie in history to have 145 in his career!"

The crowd starts clapping, we do too, and I watch as Aiden tips his mask up on the top of his head and does a quick little lap around the center of the ice holding his stick high in recognition of the fans saluting him.

"Well, that is exciting!" Ivanna yells over the noise of the crowd.

"Yeah! I had no idea!"

"Yo u didn't?" She asks and turns to me.

"No, he never mentioned anything about it."

"Huh." She shrugs.

But I don't like the sound of this.

"What? Should I have known about this?"

"Oh, no sweetie, no.” She reaches out and pats my arm.

“I'm just surprised because Vlad has been talking about how they're keeping track of his primary assists in the locker room and they all knew he was only two away from leading the record. It’s not something that typically gets tracked for goalies but they’re keeping count.

I guess coach Bradford designed a few plays to help him get more. "

I don't even know what a primary assist is but hell if I'm going to admit that to Ivanna when she basically just told me I'm the only one who doesn't know what a big deal this is.

Why didn't he tell me?

Is he hiding his success or doesn’t think I’m worth sharing this with?

Is that what he’s been hiding?

My cheeks hurt from forcing my smile and I watch as Aiden skates back out to the net in front of us.

He doesn't look my way.

Panic rises in my throat.

Is he disappointed that I didn't know? That I didn't do something special to celebrate? That I didn't wish him good luck getting the record when I left for work this morning?

I rack my brain trying to find the signs I missed. I go back all the way to Halloween when we first hooked up.

I count silently on my fingers in my lap.

November, December, January, February.

Four months ago.

I feel sick.

It' s happening again. I've exhausted all my relationship value and after four months it's over.

He’s probably only still with me because I have nowhere to go. Letting me stay because he’s too nice to kick me out.

I feel like an idiot. I was just day dreaming about telling him I love him and now, well, it's all but over.

The game ends, the Renegades lose after Vegas scores in the final two minutes, and Ivanna gives me a hug before heading up the stairs to the exit. I watch as the team consoles Aiden on the loss and the way he hangs his head as he skates to the bench.

I don't know what to do.

I don't know how to fix this.

I don’t know if Aiden even wants to fix this.

I drive away from the arena wondering what I did wrong this time.