Page 54 of Under the Table

“I don’t know what to do going forward, Hope, but we need to talk to each other. You need to stop hiding things from me.” Rex stretched his back and then settled his gaze on her. “Our marriage will never survive if we don’t do that.”

“Survive?”

Did he honestly still want to be with her? Did he want to give her a chance to earn his trust back?

“I love you, Hope. The whole of you, faults and all. I told you that you were impulsive, and I guess in many ways, none of this surprises me. It hurts, but it doesn’t surprise me. I’ve seen the way you are with her.” Rex snorted and rolled his eyes. “No, it’s more that I’ve seen the way she is with you.”

“What do you mean?” Hope furrowed her brow.

“She’s not the same with you as she is with everyone else. She’s… softer.” Rex shrugged a little. “Nicer.”

Hope wrinkled her nose. “Ange is a very nice person.”

“No, Hope, she’s not. Well, she’s not mean, but she’s not nice. I don’t know how to explain it.” Rex groaned and ran his fingers through his hair again. “The whole point of this is to say I wish you would have just told me instead of hiding it from me.”

“I…” Hope stopped talking. Heat rushed to her cheeks.This is the time to be honest. “I didn’t want to admit it to myself. Honestly. I tried not to think about it or focus on it because I was scared of what that would mean. Figuring out that I’m attracted to a woman was one thing, but having feelings for her?”

“You don’t have attraction without feelings.” Rex put his hand on her knee. “You’ve never been someone who’s attracted physically to a person without falling for who the person is first.”

Hope parted her lips to say something but stopped. “Y-you’re right. I just never thought about it like that.”

“Sometimes the people who love you are the best mirrors of yourself.”

Hope hummed, hearing the words of their couple’s counselor in her mind. How many times had they been told that in the last year? Too many. She rolled her shoulders and eased the tension in her body a little. “So where do we go from here?”

“Well, I don’t want to give up on us.”

Those words warmed Hope’s soul. She pressed her head to his shoulder and closed her eyes, nearly crying from the relief. She breathed in his scent, that smell that had a bit of spice to it, and she savored it. She hadn’t been sure she’d ever get to smell him like this again.

“What do you want?” Rex asked.

“I don’t want to lose you.” Hope pulled her lips into a smile. “I can’t lose you and Eva. I love you.”

Rex sighed heavily, relaxing. “Then let’s continue to talk and go from here. I don’t know what our future looks like, Hope, but what it’s been can’t be it.”

“I understand.” She pinched her face up and nodded at him. “I need to stop holding back from you and from myself.”

“That’s a start.” Rex held his hand out.

Hope slid her fingers against his, reveling in the warmth of his skin. It felt like eons since they’d last touched each other likethis. But he didn’t lean in to kiss her like he normally would. Baby steps, she had to tell herself. They were just getting their feet back under them and they needed to figure out where to go from here.

“Let’s get a couple hours of sleep. I know you have an early morning,” Rex said, nodding toward the mattress.

“Yeah.” Hope swallowed the lump in her throat. She had to be up and filming in an hour. She wasn’t a morning person. She hated mornings, in fact, and this one was going to be particularly hard.

Rex stood up and pulled off his shirt, shucked his pants, and then climbed under the blankets. Hope breathed slowly, following his lead. When he was pressed up behind her, she tried to relax, but she found it next to impossible. She wanted to be here, she really did, but it was so damn hard.

Because she’d made a decision that could tear down everything they’d built and more. She’d made the decision to go with her gut, to give in to feelings she didn’t want to admit until earlier today. Because she loved hard and fast, and she was absolutely in love with Rex and Angelica. Both of them.

And she didn’t want to have to choose.

The coffee mug was hot against the skin of Hope’s palm as she stepped into the kitchen way too early in the morning. Sy followed her with a camera, and a few of the other crew who had been told they were getting up this early. Hope hadn’t even stopped by to see Ansel yet, and she was barely able to blink her eyes open enough to see in the bright lights the construction team had hung.

“Ma’am, you need a hard hat,” the construction site manager, Carrie, said gruffly, as if she hadn’t had enough coffee that night either.

Right. She’d forgotten that. Snagging the hat she was supposed to wear, she plopped it on her head and stepped in closer to check everything out. She was supposed to talk to the cameras, explain what was happening, but words weren’t forming in her mouth right now.

Two more sips and then maybe she’d get there. Maybe she’d get some into Carrie and Carrie could do the talking on the camera for her. That was a better idea.