Page 104 of Under the Table

Hope furrowed her brow. Was this Angelica not really wanting to spend that time with her? Or was she just confused by the ask itself? Hope drank more of her beer, letting the cold brew hit her tongue and ease the tension in her muscles.

This had been a long filming season despite the fact that everything seemed to be going so much better than the last one. Her phone buzzed in her pocket, so she dug for it.

Rex: When will you be back tonight? Eva wants you to read her a story.

Why was Eva even still awake? Then again, it had been days since Hope had found the time to read the fairy tale story they’d chosen. She rolled her shoulders, debating how to answer. The pull to be present with Angelica and with Rex and Eva all at the same time was so strong and difficult. She loved her family, and she’d never give them up for anything.

Angelica was…

Hope paused at that. Months ago, she’d told Angelica that she loved her. Hell, tonight she’d insinuated that as well. And if she thought about it, she hadn’t lied at all. She did love Angelica.But sometimes love wasn’t enough, especially when it was only one-sided. Angelica hadn’t made any declarations.

In fact, as the weeks had trekked on, she’d pushed the emotional part farther away, hadn’t she?

Hope would have to think about that one. She quickly typed a reply.

Hope: Late. Talking with Angelica about filming next week.

A white lie wouldn’t hurt, would it? Then again, she was back to not being honest with Rex about everything. They had talked about filming, so it wasn’t a total lie, either. Hope winced. She’d justified her actions way too quickly on that one. Angelica set the bottle on the nightstand and flopped down onto the bed, staring up at the ceiling.

“My mom said she couldn’t come because of medical reasons, but I know better.”

“What?” Hope twisted quickly, catching Angelica’s gaze.

“She didn’t come because she didn’t want to see me. She thinks the idea of a reality television show is ridiculous. Too many people watching and picking apart our lives.” Angelica sighed. “I understand that sentiment more often than not.”

“Would you want to quit the show?” Hope took another long drink, keeping her eyes locked on Angelica.

“Josef won’t let me out of the contract, so I don’t have any negotiating power until it’s time to renew it.” Angelica tossed a hand over her head, closing her eyes. “I’m glad she didn’t come. Then everyone really would have seen what a disaster my family is.” Angelica sighed heavily. “I can’t imagine it’ll be the same with Rachel.”

“No, likely not,” Hope agreed with her. “But it’ll still be chaotic. She’s bringing the kids, apparently.”

“Oh, that makes sense, actually.” Angelica moved her arm enough to lock her eyes on Hope. “Because it’s a family-oriented resort.”

Hope hummed and nodded, her phone buzzing again.

Rex: I could really use some help with Eva. She’s struggling with not seeing you.

The guilt she was too familiar with when it came to her family snapped up and bit her right in the ass. She’d barely spent any time with Eva this season when filming. In part because Eva was far more independent than she’d been last season, but also because Hope had wanted to spend more one-on-one time with Angelica, which meant her time had to be taken from somewhere.

And Eva had been the one to suffer that loss.

“What if we went on a trip after filming, you and me?” Hope put the bottle down and leaned over Angelica. “We could disappear into the mountains or to the beach.”

Angelica raised her eyebrows in Hope’s direction. “Are you sure you can get away from Rex and Eva for a weekend?”

Hope wasn’t sure, but she didn’t really want Angelica to pick holes in her plan either. What she wanted was for Angelica to say yes and then whisk her away from the guilt and the torn loyalties and more. She bent down and kissed Angelica hard.

“Think about it, will you?”

“Yeah. Sure.” Angelica nodded, staying still on her back.

“I need to get back to Eva.” It wasn’t lost on Hope that she didn’t say Rex. Though she’d meant him. He was the one struggling with their daughter, and she was the one who needed to step in and tag team with parenting. “She’s having a rough night.”

“Of course. Go.” Angelica pushed herself upward, resting on her elbows. “I won’t keep you.”

“Thanks.” Hope moved in and stole another kiss, this time deepening it.

Angelica curled her fingers around the back of Hope’s neck, massaging her lightly. That touch was so familiar now, the way Angelica kissed and held her. Hope longed for it some nights. But she also longed for Rex’s touches and tastes and familiar scents. Breaking the kiss, Hope pulled away with a smile on her lips.