Page 101 of Under the Table

She nodded, eyes watering.

“The kids are growing up so fast, and you’re missing out on everything.”

“Yeah,” she agreed, but she didn’t know what else to say. She kept her distance for a reason, and this week proved that had been the right decision. But she hated that Christian was lumped into the same category as their parents.

“Please consider coming for Christmas.”

“I’ll think about it,” she said, even though she knew she wouldn’t. Christmas was for families, happy families, and she wasn’t a part of one. So no, she wouldn’t be going home for Christmas or any other holiday.

“Love you, Sis.” He smiled at her as he walked away.

Angelica watched him go. The little boy she’d loved so hard when he was a kid was completely gone, and Christian was an adult with a family of his own now. Which meant, if he really wanted to have a relationship with her, then he’d find a way to do that. She wasn’t going to make the effort anymore, not when she’d put forth so much effort for years to never have it reciprocated.

She was never going to catch a break, was she?

“That was some great drama.” Josef let out a boisterous guffaw as he rounded the corner and locked his eyes on her. “I didn’t even have to twist your arm for it.”

Angelica pursed her lips, her entire body tightening. “Guess your protégé is finally learning.” She nearly rolled her eyes at what she said, but how else was she going to phrase it? Her devastation with her family, the hard lines she’d had to paint for Sydney and Lisa, had all been in the name of drama for the show?

No.

But Josef would see it that way. He was so fucking self-serving sometimes. She clenched her jaw and stared at him. Filming had been so much easier when he wasn’t there for it. The entire mood of the set had been different, simpler, less fraught with unnecessary divides and tension. Or perhaps it had just been her. Perhaps she really was the problem here as much as she was the problem at home.

And perhaps if she wasn’t involved any more…

She stopped at that thought. She couldn’t go down that road. Not right now. Not when she did have actual work to get done.

“The clothes are working for the ratings,” Josef commented and then pointed his finger up and down her outfit. “People are liking you more this season than they did last season.”

“Wonderful.” She wanted to roll her eyes at him, but she resisted the temptation, just barely. He was such a misogynistic asshole sometimes. “Then I suppose you’ll keep me around for season three.”

“At least one more, until it’s time to renegotiate your contract.”

Right. They’d keep Hope before they’d keep her. She had to shake that thought again. When it came to filming, they were a team. But when it came to everything else, Josef wanted them pitted against each other. Or perhaps he also wanted that when it came to filming and the two of them had just managed to completely kill that argument.

Angelica squared her shoulders. “If you’ll excuse me, I have work I need to catch up on.”

She didn’t wait for a response from him. Instead, she slipped out of his sight and out of the main lobby. There hadn’t really been a place to escape here, and she needed one. Angelica swiped her keycard to get into the stairwell and walked up one flight before stepping out and hitting the button for the elevator.

Twenty minutes in her room alone and she could pull herself back together, couldn’t she?

As soon as she’d locked herself inside, she let the silence encompass her completely. It comforted her, the way it surrounded her like the warm hug her brother had given her. The only one the entire time he’d been there.

Angelica pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed heavily.

What the hell was Hope doing with her?

Hope managed to have healthy and strong relationships. Angelica couldn’t even handle having a relationship with her own family. And any previous romantic relationship had been a disaster. Hell, Leanne had left her without a second thought, told her that she wasn’t worth the change in jobs or being in a formal relationship.

Angelica’s heart shuttered at that memory. The way it popped up and consumed her.

Hope deserved better, and she had what she deserved. So why was Angelica letting her mess it up by entertaining the idea of an open relationship that would never work? It wasn’t what she wanted. It hadn’t ever been a part of what she’d wanted.

Her cell phone buzzed, and Angelica glanced at it, noting the text from Rex. She had another scene she needed to film with Sydney and Lisa that night, and they wanted to prepare for it. She’d told them that she would do it. Standing up, Angelica sauntered toward the bathroom and leaned over the counter, staring at herself in the mirror.

Who the hell was she?

Certainly not someone worthy of family and love.