Page 123 of Under the Table

“I’m not saying you shouldn’t.” Angelica stepped back, putting her hands out to her sides. Where was this attack coming from? “I love Eva, you know that. I wouldn’t ever tell you not to spend time with her or make her your priority.”

“You don’t love her.” Hope shook her head, a deep line forming in the center of her brow.

What the hell was she thinking? Because Angelica was so lost. Something had changed in the last week, and she had thought it was just temporary stress, but maybe she’d been wrong. Maybe she’d been wrong about everything.

“I do, Hope. And I don’t think it’d be a good idea to go away for a weekend and bring Eva with us. She’s not… she’s too young to understand.” Angelica flexed her fingers, trying to find the right words to navigate whatever the hell this was. Because holy fuck, she hadn’t been prepared for this attack. “Besides, I thought it was in the rules?—”

“Screw the rules, Ange.”

“Now you’re pissed.” Angelica stepped back, confusion swimming in her belly.

“Of course I’m pissed.”

“Why are you pissed?” Angelica widened her eyes and put her hands out to her sides, trying to convince Hope to talk to her instead of just yell at her. It’d been far too long since they’d been able to do that.

“Because you don’t get it.”

“What don’t I get?”

Hope gritted her teeth and turned around as if she was going to walk away. Angelica stepped forward, quickly, snaggingHope’s arm. “No, I’m not done with this. You’ve been distant all week. What did I do?”

“Everything!” Hope’s voice rang loudly through the yard. “And nothing,” she said more quietly.

“I don’t understand.” Angelica straightened her back and shoulders, trying her best to be understanding and compassionate, but the lack of answers grated on her nerves. Again.

“I don’t know if I can do this,” Hope whispered.

Angelica’s heart skipped a beat. Her chest tightened to the point that it was so hard to breathe. But she couldn’t walk away, not yet. Not until she knew. “Do what?”

“This!” Hope nearly shouted the word. “Us!”

“You seemed just fine doing it in the supply closet when we got here. You can’t just do whatever you want and think that there aren’t consequences, Hope. Because there are. You can’t just take whatever you want and run with it, make decisions for other people and think that we’re just going to fall in line and do whatyouwant. We have feelings too. We have wants and desires and hurts and dreams.”

Angelica stopped. She’d gotten way ahead of herself, and she hadn’t been able to stop the words running out of her lips and taking control of the situation.

“I’m sorry, that was?—”

“The truth.” Hope stepped forward, right into Angelica’s space. “That’s what you think, anyway, so just own it already. You think I’m impulsive. That I don’t think about the people around me. That I’m selfish and controlling and don’t give a fuck about what happens to my family.”

“Your family,” Angelica said, understanding finally where this was coming from. It wasn’t Angelica. It was Hope’s family. “I knew from the start that you’d choose them. I never expected anything less.”

“So then why be with me? Why continue this?”

Angelica’s lips parted. The words were on the tip of her tongue, but the last thing she wanted was for them to be said in anger and frustration. Especially when she knew for a fact that Hope couldn’t—wouldn’t—reciprocate them. This was Angelica’s folly, and she needed to face the consequences of her choices, of her actions.

“God, Ange, you think I’m the selfish one?” Hope scoffed at her and shook her head. “I can’t do this. I really can’t do this anymore.”

Angelica’s eyes stung. Pain swelling in her chest, but she’d expected this, hadn’t she? She’d already cried her tears and prepared her heart for this to happen. She just hadn’t thought it’d be so soon, so unexpected.

“It’s not worth the risk to my family.”

Angelica dropped her chin. That’s what it always was, wasn’t it? She was never worth it. She stepped backward, putting space between them. She had nothing left to say. She had nothing left to give.

Another step.

Angelica looked up, meeting Hope’s tortured gaze. She should have known better. Not just to jump into a semi-relationship with Hope, but she should have known better to protect her heart. She shouldn’t have allowed herself to fall in love. Not again. Not like this.

Step.