Page 9

Chapter Nine

GRAHAM

This whole document is useless. It’s like no one ever thought to come up with a policy about whether the interim director could date a volunteer who also worked at a contracted company. It’s an oddly specific situation, but still. A little foresight goes a long way.

I’ve been searching through these materials for the last several hours, trying to get an idea of whether dating Tyler would get either of us into hot water. I knew I wanted Tyler—though convincing him of that is still a work in progress—but neither of us could afford to risk our reputation. Worst case scenario, we wait until my contract is up. Then any potential conflicts of interest would disappear.

Though I might disappear, too. I’ve put out feelers around the city, trying to find another opportunity. No bites yet, but it was still early. I have two more months before this position ends. If I can find something else in Cardinal Falls, then starting a relationship with Tyler would be much easier.

All of that hanging on a possibility that might not even exist. First, I needed to figure out the administrative side of dating Tyler. Then, I can work on convincing him.

I don’t think I’ve ever chased after someone the way I am with Tyler. The spark I felt the first time we met hasn’t gone away. His eyes pull at something in me that I can’t ignore. There’s something about the deep blue color, a mischievous quality that hides the sadness I can see lurking.

I check the clock and realize it’s nearing the end of the workday. More importantly, the end of Wednesday’s workday. That means Tyler is in the garden right now. I don’t bother to think through a plan before I grab my suit jacket from the back of the door and head outside.

The air is cool, shifting overnight to hint at the coming autumn. It’s my favorite time of the year, watching the leaves slowly change color and fall from the trees. I love the fact that this part of the country gets a full four seasons, even if sometimes the winter feels never-ending. The few weeks where the trees are a perfect mix of yellows, oranges, and reds make having to shovel sidewalks for three months worthwhile.

I pause before I reach the patch of the garden where Tyler’s working. His back is to me, and I take the opportunity to watch quietly as he rearranges a few piles of dirt. Once satisfied, he sits back on his heels and admires his work.

“There. Now behave for me.”

The laugh I can’t hold back jolts Tyler from his little bubble. He swivels to face me, his face running through a range of emotions before settling into something neutral.

“What are you doing out here?” he asks.

“Can’t I check to see how you’re doing?”

Tyler opens his mouth a few times, seemingly searching for the right response. “Of course you can. I didn’t mean that you couldn’t. People usually don’t.”

“Well, I’m still getting to know how things work around here.” And figuring out how to convince a feisty volunteer to let me get to know him better is at the top of my list.

“I’m almost done for the day.” He looks up at the sky, which is streaked with pink and orange as the sun starts to set. The dim light reflects off his face, making his features even more noticeable. Gorgeous is the only word I can think of to describe him. “It’s getting dark.” At the words, he shivers. It’s not that cold outside, but with the sun setting and the light breeze, his t-shirt isn’t doing much to keep him warm.

“Here, take my coat.” I pull off my outer layer and offer it to him.

“You must be joking.” He doesn’t bother to get off his knees. The ground must be cold and wet after the rain we had last night. I make a mental note to buy some of those foam pads I see people using in their home gardens. They’d likely help both with comfort and warmth. “I’m a complete mess after being out here.” The image of him on his knees in my entryway flickers through my mind. Maybe the pad could serve two purposes?

“So?”

“You want me to put on your nice suit coat? I’ll ruin it.” He waves his hands around at the garden.

“You won’t ruin it.” I chuckle, but by the look on his face, that’s the wrong response. His whole body tenses. “Yes, it’ll get dirty, but I can get it dry-cleaned. It won’t be the first time. Or the last.”

“Thanks, but no.” He pushes himself up and brushes off his knees, though it does very little. Even in black pants, the dirt is clearly visible. “I’m heading inside anyway.”

At least he’ll warm up that way.

We walk inside together, Tyler leading the way. Once safely indoors, he heads straight for the volunteer lockers. I’m suddenly unsure about the right way to handle the situation. I intended to ask him out again, reassuring him that there was nothing on the Sprouting Joy side preventing the two of us from being together. That didn’t mean his job didn’t have some sort of requirement that he’d need to work around, but at least we could put all the issues out on the table. Talk through them and come to some sort of agreement.

Now, though, I wasn’t so sure. Tyler’s body language is sad and resigned. Different from the shyness that I saw in our previous encounters.

Maybe I’d missed the opportunity. Maybe the opportunity was never there. Either way, I can take a hint.

“Did you have a good shift?” I ask instead, leaning against the wall. I can still smell the earthy scent of the garden on him.

“Yeah, a lot of stuff will be ready to harvest soon. Fall’s the busy season.”

“Makes sense, I guess. Does that mean you’re here more?” I try to hide my excitement at the idea, but my voice betrays me. I shove my hands in my pants pockets, watching as Tyler rifles through his messenger bag.

“Nah, a lot of it’s done by some of the volunteer educators during school field trips. The kids have fun with it. Even if they do tend to make a mess of the place.” He shakes his head, but his smile betrays his soft spot for the children.

That little smile is the first flicker of joy I’ve seen on his face in a while. I’m not sure what my move here is, but I need to think about it some more. Pushing isn’t getting me anywhere. Maybe it’s time to back off.

“Okay, have a good night. I’ll email you about the website tomorrow.” There’s a lot more I want to say. I want to ask him back to my office so we can keep chatting. I want to beg him to give me a chance. Maybe another day. Today, it feels like too much. Whatever’s holding Tyler back doesn’t seem to be changing. At least not quickly. I’ve got time. At least another two months to stay in his orbit and hopefully change his mind.

TYLER

Grabbing my stuff from my locker and getting in my truck feels weird. Like I’m going through the motions or something. My body is doing all the right things, but there’s a deep feeling that something’s off. I should be used to that by now. Everything has felt slightly off since I met Graham. Like the whole world shifted slightly.

The drive home is blessedly fast. I’m still cold, wet, and dirty from being outside. The only thing that keeps me from going insane out there on nights like this is the thought of getting home and taking a long, hot bath.

There were a lot of things to like about my fancy apartment building, but the big tubs are the best part. Perfect for soaking after long days, spending an hour reading or getting lost in my thoughts.

I park in my assigned spot in the underground garage and haul my bag to the elevator. It’s a short wait before the doors open, and I’m heading up to the eighth floor. As soon as I’m safely inside my apartment, I strip down to my boxers. It’s a routine I developed after the first few months at Sprouting Joy. My clothes are usually covered in soil, fertilizer, and bits of plants. It’s easier if I strip it all off at the front door and put things directly into the washing machine. No one wants all of that on the floors.

After dealing with the clothes, I turn on the hot water and add some Epsom salts to the tub. Matthias made fun of me when he found them in my bathroom a year ago, but I managed to bring him around. Not only do they make it smell nicer, but they’re great on muscles. He won’t admit it, but I’ve seen the package he thinks he’s hiding in his bathroom.

While I wait for the tub to fill, I grab a beer from the fridge and grab a set of flannel pants from my dresser. This is the first night this year where the cold has gotten to me. I didn’t even think about it when I started my shift, so I didn’t bother with the extra layers I usually wear in the fall. Next week, I’ll have to remember my sweatshirt. Though, with my luck, the weather will swing and be back in the eighties again.

I climb into the tub, hopping between feet initially while my skin adjusts to the hot water. Do I make it too hot? Probably. I prefer the temperature just shy of being cooked alive. When it feels more tolerable, I sink into the water. After a few more minutes, I turn off the tap and lean back, letting my head rest on the edge of the tub. I close my eyes and imagine the stress of the day being washed away.

Things between me and Graham are… weird. That’s the only word I can use to describe the situation.

Him asking me out.

Me saying no.

Except, he didn’t ask me out. My eyes open as the realization crashes through me. I was going to say no, but he was supposed to ask me.

Suddenly, it’s hard to breathe. I rub the spot on my sternum where my chest aches, pressing my knuckles roughly against my wet skin. I don’t know why I thought Graham would ask me again. I’ve turned him down multiple times. It’s good manners to stop asking.

Good manners. Respecting boundaries. Being a decent human being. Those are all good things. Commendable even.

So why does it fucking hurt so much?