Page 10

Chapter Ten

TYLER

“What are you doing here?” Nathan stands in my doorway, holding a six-pack of my favorite pilsner. Usually, I’d be thrilled, but I had big plans to do absolutely nothing today. Alone.

“I thought we’d catch up, maybe play some Tony Hawk ?” I roll my eyes as he pushes past me. “Relive the good ol’ days in the dorm.” I snort. That’s not quite how I would describe it. We got along well enough, no thanks to the too-small room and noisy hallway. Our peak roommate time started when we moved into an off-campus apartment building. With separate rooms.

“Please, come in. My home is your home,” I say as sarcastically as possible. It doesn’t matter because Nathan’s already making himself comfortable in my kitchen. He pulls two bottles from the pack and then puts the rest in the fridge. Before I can even shut my front door, he starts rifling through my pantry.

“Do you have any of those chips I like?”

“You know I don’t grocery shop with you specifically in mind, right?”

My words lose their meaning when he pulls out a bag of salt and vinegar chips. He knows I hate them but keep them on hand for when he comes over. After years of living together, buying his favorites is embedded in my neural pathways. Even though we haven’t been roommates in years, I can’t keep myself from making sure they’re available in case he drops by.

Which he clearly feels free to do.

“Seriously? You invite yourself over to play my video games and eat my food?”

Nathan sets the drinks down on the coffee table and flops down on the couch. “Can’t I miss my best friend? We haven’t hung out in ages.”

“You literally saw me two days ago.” I sat right next to him the whole time we were at The Flaming Unicorn with Aaron and Matthias. We shared a fucking plate of nachos. Is that not enough?

“That was the regular Thursday night. We haven’t hung out, just the two of us in months.” I snort but think better of mentioning that the reason for that’s likely his new boyfriend. Though, it’s not so new anymore. “I know, that’s my fault, but I’m here today, and we have plenty of time and beer.” It is a bit his fault, but I don’t blame him for that. If I had a hunky boyfriend at home, I’d prefer to spend all my time there, as well. Besides, the two of them had a hard time keeping their hands to themselves. Not a problem, but I don’t need to see it.

More than I already have.

“You call three beers a piece plenty?”

“As though you don’t have more stashed around here.” Again, the fact that we used to live together bites me in the ass. He knows I always have a good collection, even if I’m not always willing to share.

“Fine, you can stay,” I say as I sink down on the couch next to him, reaching toward the side table to grab the controllers. “But I get to be Rodney Mullen.” Nathan groans but doesn’t argue with me.

We sit in silence as we play. As annoyed as I am at the sudden change in plans, this silence between us is comfortable. Nathan has been my best friend since I walked into our dorm room on the first day of freshman year. We might be very different people, but something about us fits together just right. Not romantically—thank fuck—but in every other way.

“So, how are you?” He breaks the silence during a break while the screen is loading.

“Fine.” It’s a trap. I can sense it.

“No, really, how are you?” He puts the controller on the table and picks up his beer bottle. It’s nearly empty, but he still takes a sip. I mirror his movements, swapping my controller for beer.

“Fine. Really .” I pick at the label on the bottle. “Why?” I knew his motives for coming over went beyond chips and video games.

“Because you’ve been distracted lately, and it seems like maybe something’s going on.”

“I haven’t been distracted?” It comes out as more of a question than a statement. As soon as I hear myself say it, I wish I could take the words back. I can see the concern wash over Nathan’s face.

“Really? I’ve only seen you on Thursday nights, and before you say anything, I know I’ve been a bit absorbed in my own relationship, but you haven’t even suggested we hang out recently. Your texts are shorter, and you rarely reply to the group chat unless someone specifically mentions you.” Nathan sets his empty bottle on the coffee table and turns to me, tucking his foot up under him. “And you haven’t mentioned a single hookup in over a month.”

Well, when he put it like that. I didn’t realize he’d even been paying that much attention. This is the upside of him knowing me so well. It’s also the downside. Basically, it’s complicated. “Maybe I’m not telling you about my dates.”

“Tyler, we’ve been friends for our entire adult life.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I jump up and head toward the kitchen, grateful to have a moment of distraction while I fetch us new beers. When I return, I hand him one of the bottles and take a seat in the armchair, needing to have a bit of physical distance between us. “Just because we’ve been friends a long time doesn’t mean that I tell you about every man I take to bed.”

“No, it doesn’t.” The silence hangs between us. “But you get like this sometimes. Moody and a bit distant. I know you don’t really like to talk about your feelings, but I know something’s off.”

“What do you mean that I get moody?”

Nathan rolls his eyes and leans forward, resting his elbows on his thighs. “That would be the part you get stuck on. Look, it’s not a judgment on you. If you don’t want to tell me what’s going on, that’s fine. I’ll keep kicking your ass at Trick Attack .” He pauses and gives me one of his intense looks, the kind that makes me feel like he’s trying to stare into my soul. “But if you want to tell me what’s up, I’m here to listen.”

“You have not been kicking my ass.” I scoff, kicking my foot so that it hits his leg. Not enough to hurt, but enough for him to notice. If anything, I’m way better at racking up points on tricks than Nathan.

“We’ll see about that.”

We pick our controllers up and go back to our game. Eventually, our beers are empty again, and we’re both tired of playing.

“I should probably get home. I told Colt I’d be back in time for dinner.”

I walk Nathan to the door. I hate how much comfort it brings me to have him in my space. There’s no way I would want to have a roommate again, but it always made me feel good to come home to him at the end of a long day. Knowing that someone would be there, even if we didn’t talk.

“Can I ask you a question?”

Nathan stops tying his shoe to look up at me. “Anything. Though no promises I’ll have an answer.”

“How did you know Colt would be worth it? I mean, he broke your heart once. What made you think he wouldn’t do it again?” I play with the sleeve of my coat hanging on the wall by the front door.

“I guess I didn’t really know that things would work out.” He pauses and thinks for a few seconds. “But I figured I would rather know the answer to whether we could make it work than spend the rest of my life wondering what-if.” Nathan goes back to tying his shoes.

I don’t say anything, afraid anything would give away my thoughts. Though, apparently, I’m already a lot more transparent than I thought.

“I know I promised you no lectures, but if you have someone you think might be the one for you, then you should go for it. It might not work out, but if it does…” He gets that same stupid faraway look on his face that he always gets when he talks about Colt.

“You don’t even know this imaginary person.” I push back, giving him space to finish getting his coat on.

“Yeah, but if you like him, then he must be okay.” Nathan reaches for the doorknob. “See you Thursday?”

As soon as he’s gone, I return to my couch. I flip through Netflix , looking for something to watch before settling on rewatching The Office . Even with the background noise of the TV, the place feels surprisingly empty.

* * *

GRAHAM

“Uh-huh,” I’m not really listening to what my sister Charlotte is saying, which makes me a bad brother. In my defense, she’s been talking for nearly forty minutes. The same length of time it’s taken me to drive home from the grocery store, haul the bags into my place, and put most of them away. Right now, my phone is propped up on the counter, and she’s on speakerphone so I can get some chores taken care of while she tells me about my nieces.

I adore them, really, but sometimes it’s a lot. She calls when she gets lonely, which is often since her husband travels for work. Normally, I don’t mind it, but everything’s a bit on my nerves lately.

“Are you even paying attention?”

“Of course I am.” Shit. I go with a standby, hoping it’ll let me off the hook. “The kids are driving you crazy.” I don’t know what she was saying, but at least seventy percent of her conversations are about how my nieces are wrecking the house or refusing to eat the food she cooks. Somehow, she ended up with two girls, and my brother Dan ended up with two boys. I think it’s payback for their own rowdy childhoods, but I’d never say that aloud.

“Really, Graham?” I stand up straight and stare at the phone screen. Something about that voice still puts me on high alert. It’s the same one she used when she used to babysit me. Twenty years later, it still makes my spine stiffen.

“Um, I might have missed the last thing.” Or the last ten minutes. Who’s counting?

“What’s going on in your head? I swear it’s like talking to a wall these days when I call you. Is this still about the guy from speed dating?” Charlotte knows she caught me red-handed.

On cue, Gulliver appears in the kitchen, glaring at me the way only a cat can. I sigh and check the clock. It’s still thirty minutes until he gets dinner. He saunters over and sits down in front of his empty bowl.

“No, Charlotte. It’s because you’ve been yammering on for almost an hour about absolutely nothing.”

Silence.

Gulliver gives me a dirty look and walks away. I swear the cat knows when I’m being mean to his former owner. No matter how long he lives with me, he’s still loyal to her. I take a deep breath and close my eyes.

“I’m sorry. It’s been a long week. I shouldn’t take it out on you, though.” I grab the phone and abandon my half-full grocery bags. I can deal with them later. At least the perishables are all put away. The rest of it can wait until after we finish our conversation. Or tomorrow. “I’m listening.” I grab one of the cans of soda from the fridge. It’s still room temperature since I just got it put away, but it’ll do.

“Why don’t you tell me what’s going through your mind? You don’t usually get snippy with me. That’s what I have Dan for.” I groan. Dan’s usually the surly one who’s always in some sort of mood. I guess that’s the price of being the middle child.

“Nothing’s going on.” That’s exactly what the problem is—a big nothing. I wander into the living room and sit down on the couch. “I’m trying to sort through some things.” My gaze goes to the spot where Tyler sat that first night. If I squint, I can almost imagine him with me again, fidgeting in his seat, Gulliver curled up on his lap.

“Well, I’m excellent at sorting.”

I start to tell her that I’ll figure it out myself, then think better of it. I can’t talk to Steph about the situation, and my other friends would likely tell me to move on, find someone at a club, and get laid. What the hell? It can’t hurt to get a second opinion.

Gulliver jumps up and curls up next to me, avoiding any actual contact. Just close enough that if I move, it’ll wake him. That way, he knows it’s time to ask for food again.

I spend the next few minutes laying out the whole situation with Tyler, detailing everything that’s happened since we last talked.

“So, now he’s ghosting you?” she asks when I finally come up for air.

“Not exactly. I see him almost every week and email about work stuff regularly. He’s…” The word I want doesn’t come to me.

“Hesitant?”

“Yeah, but I can’t figure out why.” If it was because of work policies, that would be one thing. Or if I thought he really wasn’t interested. “It feels like he wants to say yes but keeps saying no instead.”

“You never did go after the easy ones, did you?” Leave it to my sister to force the hard truths on me.

“You know, I can still hang up the phone.” Gulliver lifts his head and stares at me. How does this cat always know? It sounds crazy, but I swear he understands every word I say.

“Listen, I don’t have any great pieces of advice. Tyler’s walls are up, so you’ve got a couple of choices here.” She pauses, likely for dramatic effect. “First, you can decide it’s not worth it and walk away.”

“And if I don’t like that plan?”

“Then you keep working on breaking his walls down, showing up for him, and proving that you’re worth it.” She pauses, and I hear the girls in the background arguing about something. “Cause you are , Graham. He’d be lucky to have you.”

I can’t help but groan. That’s what I’ve been doing, but the process seems so slow that we’ll both be retired by the time I finish. Honestly, I don’t want to wait that long before we have a repeat of that first night. Every time I’m around him, I want to pull him close and run my hands over his whole body. There’s so much of him that I didn’t get to explore. That first night had been frantic and desperate. I want to take my time exploring every inch of his body. Take the time to lay him out properly on my bed, naked, for hours while I nip and suck at every inch of exposed skin. “That’s not as helpful as you think.”

“Baby brother, trust me when I say that if he’s the right guy, he’ll come around.”

“And what makes you the expert on this?”

“I got Seth to come around, right?” She and her husband had known each other since preschool, but they didn’t start dating until they were almost thirty. She swears she always knew he was her future husband; it just took her twenty-five years to convince him.

Waiting twenty-five years doesn’t appeal to me. Patience is not my middle name.

A high-pitched scream followed by cries breaks through the line. “Ugh, Mom-duty calls. The girls are fighting. Again.”

I shake my head, thankful that she’s the one dealing with that. “Go. Call me back if you want to talk about your thing.” I still feel like a bad brother for zoning out on her earlier.

I don’t get an answer, only a few more shrieks in the background before the line goes dead. Gulliver takes that as his opportunity to get up and make his way back to the kitchen. It only takes a few seconds before he’s meowing at me. Loudly. It must be dinnertime.

After a few minutes, I convince myself to get up and go feed the cat and deal with the remaining groceries.

Once Gulliver is content, or at least as content as a cat gets, I get to work on the remaining items in my grocery bags. I’m stacking the final can when my phone buzzes in my pocket. I pull it out, expecting a picture of my nieces acting like perfect angels, pretending the whole screaming match never occurred. Instead, it’s a message from Tyler.

Tyler

Yes to the date thing.

I guess waiting does pay off.

If the offer still stands

If not, nevermind

I laugh and pick up my phone before he talks himself out of the date.

How’s Monday night?