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Chapter Nineteen

TYLER

I don’t want to do this.

I mean, I do, but also, I really don’t.

It’s Thursday and our typical meet-up at The Flaming Unicorn. Except tonight is not a typical Thursday. Tonight, I’m bringing Graham. It didn’t go over well when I told the guys Graham would be joining us. Thursdays aren’t supposed to include significant others or friends outside our group. That’s the rule. I texted Nathan on the side, telling him I wanted to talk to everyone about something. Somehow, he worked his magic and got the whole group to listen.

So bringing Graham with me is a big deal. Hell, Colt has only been here once, and that was when he accidentally crashed the group the night he and Nathan reconnected. Since then, he’s stayed home like a dutiful boyfriend on Thursday nights.

I need Graham tonight. If I’m going to tell all of them, I want it to be in a place I know. Our bar. It’s where we’ve talked about many things over the years. And I need Graham here to hold my hand and reassure me when they all run out screaming.

Okay, that last part is my anxiety speaking. It’s still a possibility, though my therapist assures me it’s a highly unlikely one.

“We could still bail,” I say in an offer outside the front door.

“We could, but we’re not going to.” Graham squeezes my hand gently. “It’s going to be fine. They’re your friends. They love you no matter what.”

I’m not sure about that last part, but I manage to shove down some of my fear. Waiting only makes it worse. Even getting to Thursday tore me apart. Inside, the others are already in our usual booth. Someone, probably Nathan, has added a chair to the end of the table. Even nicer? Matthias is sitting in the chair, leaving a whole side of the booth open for Graham and me.

I slide in first, wanting the comfort of being between the wall and Graham. Is it cowardly to use him as protection? Maybe, but I’m choosing to ignore that tonight. “Hey, guys. Um, this is Graham. He’s my—” I pause, and Graham smiles at me. “My boyfriend.” We talked about this yesterday. Officially, so there’s no question. I’m still getting used to saying the word aloud. “You already met Nathan, but this is Aaron.” Graham reaches over and shakes Aaron’s hand. “And this is Matthias.” Matthias greets him formally, standing and extending his arm like they’re here to discuss financial reports.

“Boyfriend, huh?” Aaron asks. “That’s new.”

“Kinda.”

“Good for you. I’m glad you’re putting yourself out there again,” Matthias says. There’s something about the way he says it that has me beaming.

“You know, boyfriends aren’t usually invited to friend night.” A thud from under the table follows Aaron’s comment. With the look Aaron gives Nathan, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that Nathan’s holding the line tonight.

“I know,” Graham says. “And after tonight, I’ll stay far away from your Thursday nights, but Tyler asked me to come tonight to help him out.” I put a hand on Graham’s thigh and squeeze gently.

They all look at me. Waiting. Fuck . I guess this is the part where I start talking.

I almost summon the courage to start when one of the waiters brings over a pitcher of beer and glasses. It takes us a minute to get everyone’s drinks sorted. This must be one of Nathan’s picks because it’s watery and weak.Any other night, I’d tease him about it and get myself a different beer. Tonight, it’s enough of a distraction to give me time to think about where I want to begin.

Once things are quiet, I start in on the story. “You guys remember when I originally suggested these nights?”Everyone nods. “Well, I didn’t exactly come up with the idea on my own. My therapist suggested it.”

And then I tell them the whole thing. I tell them about the incident with the window, getting arrested, the volunteer hours, and discovering Sprouting Joy. And finally, I tell them about how Graham and I met, but more importantly, how we wound up dating. I leave out the salacious details—much to Matthias’s despair. We already know way too much about each other. Or at least I know too much about them. When we near the end, I even manage to talk about my anxiety issues.

They don’t ask questions while I talk; just sit and listen—no one comments on what a terrible person I am or how I should have known better. And Graham holds my hand the whole time, squeezing it to encourage me to continue.

By the time I’m done, I’m exhausted but relieved. I take a long drink of my now lukewarm beer and wait. Seconds tick by slowly while I wait for them to say something. Anything.

“Tyler, I—” Matthias cuts off. “I had no idea you were going through any of that. I’m so sorry.”

“Why are you sorry?” I sputter.

“Because you shouldn’t have gone through any of that on your own. I could have helped you find a better lawyer or made sure you got out of jail faster.”He could have done all that with his family’s connections.

“It’s okay. I didn’t want you to know.” I hang my head. It’s not that I didn’t think about calling him from the holding cell that night. As soon as the thought popped into my mind, I pushed it away. I couldn’t bear to see his face when he picked me up, knowing that I disappointed him.

“But why?” Aaron asks. “Why wouldn’t you tell us? This is huge. You let us talk every week about all the crazy things in our lives.”

It’s Aaron I worry most about. He’s sensitive but has a strong sense of justice. “I… I was afraid you wouldn’t be my friend anymore.”That’s something that took me a long time to admit to myself. These three are the best people I know. I can’t imagine my life without them.

Aaron stands up and moves to our side of the booth. Graham gives me a look, but I nod at him, and he slides out of the way. I slide out and stand next to Aaron, sure he’s going to punch me. Blood rushes in my ears until all I hear is ringing. Aaron shakes his head, and I put a hand on the side of the booth to hold myself up.

Instead, Aaron wraps me in a big hug. “That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard you say.”

In seconds, the three of them all have their arms around me. We must look insane to the other bar patrons. Most of them are regulars like us and are used to seeing us around, but we don’t typically make a scene.

I promise myself I’m not going to cry. Not here. The last few days have seen more tears than I usually shed in a year. Even as my eyes turn blurry, I blink away the moisture.

Eventually, they let me go, and we all return to our spots.

Graham comes back with a new pitcher of beer, and from the color, I can tell he did a better job ordering than Nathan. He slides in and wraps his arm around me protectively. “Okay?” he whispers.

“Yeah.” I’m better than okay. I’m wrung out and ready for a beer—a real one this time—and bed, but okay.

“So, now that we’ve dealt with all that, let’s hear more about the two of you.” Matthias raises an eyebrow at Graham.

“Oh yes, inquiring minds want to know.” Aaron leans forward, propping his elbows up on the table. “Don’t leave out any of the juicy details.”

I plan to leave out all the good stuff. Sharing with my friends, not having to leave out large parts of my life in conversation, and getting confirmation that they’ll support me is great. But some things are for Graham and I alone.

I lean my head on his shoulder, letting him take the lead as he talks about himself, his work, and his siblings. With Graham’s natural storytelling ability, my friends eat up every word.

“Whose home do you want to go to?” Graham asks as we walk out. He drove here so I wouldn’t have to worry about getting home.

“Yours. We should check on Gulliver.” I like having a pet to go home to, which is as much a surprise to me as anyone else. And, while I plan to be asleep within fifteen minutes of walking in the door, at least five of those minutes will be dedicated to petting my furry friend.

“You and that cat,” Graham says under his breath. The smile on his face gives him away. I love this. How easily we fit into each other’s lives. Not for the first time, I can picture it. A future full of date nights and quiet evenings home on the couch with Gulliver curled up between us. I can’t help but stare at Graham on the short trip to his place. The dim lights from the dash play over his features.

I think I’m falling in love. The realization sweeps over me and lodges in my throat.

Shit . I’m falling in love.

* * *

GRAHAM

“I really wish I could help you, but we don’t have any openings right now,” My friend Elena explains over the phone. She and I went to school together years ago and have stayed in touch. She took a job last year running one of the big food banks in Cardinal Falls. Their operation is huge, taking in items from all over and then distributing them to smaller food pantries across the city. It’s a massive undertaking, but she thrives under that type of chaos.

“I appreciate you checking for me. If anything comes up, please give me a call.” I’m not above begging. Elena can probably smell my desperation, but if it gets me a step closer to making Cardinal Falls my permanent home, then I don’t care.

“Of course. We’d love to have you.”

I cross her off my list. Over the last few weeks, I’ve called everyone I know. Each time, it’s the same story. They’d love to have me but don’t have any open positions.

Years ago, I couldn’t imagine wanting to stay in one place. The novelty of being in a new place every few months fueled me. It came with plenty of downsides—like packing my life up into boxes regularly—but the good always won out. Meeting new people, seeing new places, and trying my hand at new skills kept me enthusiastic and happy.

Family and friends always asked when I’d find a real job and settle down.

My answer: Never.

Hell must have frozen over because never has arrived. Now, I want a house decorated with my things to come home to every night instead of a bland corporate rental. I want a place where I can paint the walls and hang family photos. A place to share with Tyler.

We might not be at the move-in-together stage of our relationship, but I can picture it. That image, the one of us cooking dinner together before relaxing in front of the TV each night, Gulliver nestling on Tyler’s lap? I want that. Enough that I’m willing to keep making an idiot of myself on the phone, begging everyone I know for a chance.

Unfortunately, I’ve only got a few options left to make it happen this year. The agency is still looking, hoping a last-minute request comes through here or in a nearby suburb. The other option is Nathan. Tyler gave me his email address and phone number, but unlike the rest of the people on my list, he’s not a personal friend.

I’ve heard a lot about him through Tyler’s stories, but that’s not the same thing. Plus, the times we’ve hung out have been a little… tense. We don’t feel like phone call-level friends. Instead, I send him a formal email letting him know I’m interested in something at his organization, either short or long-term, and attach my resume. It doesn’t feel hopeful.

“Are you ready?” Tyler sticks his head in my office. He’s wearing what I’ve started referring to as his gardening uniform: a pair of well-worn jeans and a dark hoodie. Bits of dirt stick to his knees, a sign of all the hard work he’s been putting in over the last few hours.

“Let me grab my bag, and then we can head out.” It took a bit of planning on our part, but Tyler dropped me off on his way to work this morning. It makes it easy for us to transition to our date since we’re both at Sprouting Joy this evening.

“I’ll meet you at my truck.” Walking out together would be nice, but it might raise an eye or two around the office. There aren’t many people here this late in the evening, but better safe than sorry.With limited time until Steph returns, we’re making the most of it. I’m still not sure how that conversation will go. I know she’ll be happy for me, finally seeing someone who I care about. It’s the hiding it from her for several months part that’s going to cause problems.

“Be there in five.” I take one last glance at my email, hoping to see something about a job, but it’s all work-related and can wait until tomorrow morning. I lock the screen and grab my stuff, taking one last look around to be sure I didn’t forget anything.

Outside, I hop into the passenger seat of Tyler’s truck. A quick glance around the parking lot tells me we’re alone, so I lean over for a quick kiss.

It turns into anything but quick and chaste, leaving us both gasping for air when we pull apart.

“You know, we could skip mini-golf,” Tyler says, winking at me.It’s his idea to finally go play the round we canceled weeks ago.

He’s killing me with his big blue eyes. “How about we play mini-golf and then pick up where we left off.” As much as I want to take him home and discover all the dirty things going through his mind, we need to spend time together clothed, as well.

I think. Right now, my brain and my cock are on different pages.

“Fine,” he says in a huff. “Mini-golf it is. But I call the black ball.”

I sit on my hands to keep from touching him. Traffic is busy now with rush hour, and as much as I want to touch him, I like being alive. I’ll save the distractions for later. Like during the game. If it happens to work in my favor to let me win, then even better.

“Hey, Graham?” he asks when we stop at a red light.

His serious tone throws me off.“Yeah?”

“Is it too late in the season to go camping?”

I think about it for a few minutes. A month ago would’ve been the ideal time, but it’s still warm enough to go now. With proper equipment, of course. “No, not too late. But there’s probably only a few weeks left before it gets bitter cold. It’s less fun when you feel like a human popsicle.”

He chews on his lip as he eases us back into traffic. “Could we go?”

“Camping?” I ask as though it’s not obvious.

From what I’ve seen, Tyler’s more of an indoor type. While he’s shown interest in my family camping trips, I never thought he’d want to go. In my mind, I’d already been working through my argument for why he should come with us next year, expecting to convince him to spend a week in a cabin surrounded by my crazy relatives.

“Sure, if you want to.” A weekend alone with him in the woods sounds heavenly. With this role wrapping up and nothing concrete on the books yet, I need to soak up every minute I can get with him in case I end up having to put in a long commute or worse, be long distance for a while. “You don’t have to, though. If you want to go away for a weekend, we could always find a bed and breakfast or hotel.” Really, anywhere we can lock ourselves away from responsibility for a few days.

“I’d like to try it. With you.”

If it was possible for a single sentence to turn my insides to mush, that’s the one that would do it. “I’ll set it up.” I hope I can remember how to put up a tent. It’s been a while. For Tyler, though? I’ll happily figure it out so I can give him the whole experience. Plus, with YouTube , I can learn anything.

“I’ll need a list of what to bring. I don’t really own any camping things.”

Based on what I’ve seen of his wardrobe, that doesn’t surprise me. “I’ll send you a packing list, but I’ve got all the key stuff. You’ll mostly need clothes.” I give his hand a squeeze. “You’ll want to bring lots of warm layers this time of year.”

“And what if I want to find other ways to keep us warm?” His hand moves further up my thigh to where my cock is thickening.

“That can be arranged.” The clothes are still a good idea since we’ll have to leave the tent at some point. I’m not stupid enough to mention that right now.

Tyler strokes my cock through my slacks. “We should probably check, though, right? Make sure we know how to stay warm?” I’m the one who insisted we play mini-golf, right? It’s hard to remember my reasoning right now. If he doesn’t stop soon, the other patrons are going to get quite a show. As if he hears my thoughts, he puts his hand back on the steering wheel, making the final turn into the complex. I adjust myself and think unsexy thoughts.

“Never hurts to practice.”