Page 7

Chapter Seven

TYLER

I pull my Chevy into the parking lot at Sprouting Joy and stare at the old brick building. Being here typically calms me, but today, my stomach is in knots. I couldn’t bring myself to eat my usual cereal for breakfast, so I substituted three cups of coffee. Four, including the travel mug I have in the center console. My stomach gurgles. Yeah, I’m going to regret that decision.

I close my eyes and try to focus on my breathing. In for four. Hold for four. Out for four.

Usually, this stupid exercise forces my body to calm the fuck down. Today, my nerves are fighting back.

I switch to counting my breaths, but my mind won’t stay focused. Somewhere between one and ten, I keep losing track and starting over. The conversation yesterday with Graham made me feel better and worse simultaneously, something I didn’t think possible. I honestly thought ignoring the whole situation would make it go away.

I know, stupid plan. In my defense, it seemed like it might work. No hook-up has ever gotten so far under my skin that a few weeks couldn’t shake them free. Does that mean Graham isn’t a hook-up? And if so, what does that make him?

Fuck, I forgot to count again.

If I pass out, maybe I can go home?

My colleagues begin pulling into the lot, signaling that the tour is about to start. Several of them wave to me as they collect their things and make their way to the front door. While the main building is an old brick structure with very little character, the front alcove is modern and light, with plenty of big windows and glass doors. Thanks to some generous donors, I can watch everyone congregating and chatting. At the far end, I swear I spot Graham in his perfectly fitted suit greeting the team. My team.

I check my watch. Two minutes till eight. It’s now or never.

I wish I could pick never.

Without that option, I work my way inside and pray to any god who will listen that this tour goes by quickly and with minimal interaction.

A tour doesn’t require the director, right? It’d be a waste of his time when literally anyone else could do it.

As usual, I’m wrong. In the lobby, I find Graham deep in conversation with Brian. He’s technically the project manager, which to him means he’s in charge of the whole fucking universe. It really means he’s in charge of sending emails reminding us of deadlines. Us being the people who actually do the work. I don’t know what’s so funny, but Graham bends over, laughing like he heard the best joke of his life.

I haven’t heard that laugh since our first night together. And not like this. A sudden urge to punch Brian comes over me.

I swallow hard and push the thought out of my head. If Graham wants to hang out and laugh at Brian’s jokes, then he’s welcome to. None of my goddamn business.

“Do we have everyone?” Brian looks around, pointing at each of us and quietly counting. “Yep, I think that’s the whole crew. If it’s okay with you, Graham, I think we can get started.”

My eyes roll back so hard they might be stuck in my head. When did we start referring to clients by their first name?

And when did I start caring so fucking much?

“Sure thing,” Graham replies. “I want to thank you all for coming over to see the site. Sprouting Joy doesn’t have a lot of space, but what we do have, we make good use of it. I know I’m only holding down the fort temporarily, but I can tell how much passion everyone here has for the work being done. This place is largely volunteer-driven, meaning there are only five full-time and three part-time employees here. Keep that in mind as Sarah tells you all about our work. Most of it’s done by the over one hundred volunteers that work with us.”

I try not to make eye contact with him when he mentions volunteers, but when I do glance in his direction, he’s looking off toward the other side of the room. My gut twists. It’s like I’m not even here.

“Some folks, like Sarah here, give us a lot of their time and are here weekly or even daily. Others are only around for special events. Either way, they’re the lifeblood of an organization like this.”

Sarah beams as he talks about the volunteers, clearly thrilled to have so much of his attention. I’m not blind. Graham’s a fucking catch. I’m sure many of the volunteers—of any gender—are looking forward to receiving the same kind of praise. I hold back another eye roll, reminding myself I’m at work.

Sarah catches my eye, and I look away. I didn’t mean to stare. When I glance back, she’s eyeing me with a hint of recognition.

Well, fuck. Most of the volunteers around the office during the day aren’t here when I come in the evening. I even checked the sign-up sheet ahead of time to be sure no one I knew well would be in today. Especially in different clothing, I didn’t expect anyone to recognize me. Slacks and a button-up aren’t exactly a superhero-level disguise, but it’s a far cry from the dirty jeans and tee that I wear in the garden.

But back when I was racking up as many hours as possible, I volunteered at a lot of special events. I cut back recently to focus on work and my social life. Sarah’s been here for years, though, and our paths have crossed more than a few times. She’s easy to pick out with her long blonde waves and a flower tucked behind her ear.

I hold my breath and pretend to be fascinated by the photos on the wall. There’s one of a bunch of kids gathered around a cooktop, watching a chef prepare some sort of soup. By the time I look away, I could pass one of those memory tests about the photo.

“I do hope you enjoy the tour. If you have any questions after the fact, please let me or Sarah know.” Graham smiles and gives Brian a friendly shoulder tap before heading down the hall toward his office. The same one I sat in last night, thinking about all the ways I could lay Graham out on that desk and make him moan.

Sarah smiles and asks us to follow her in the opposite direction, toward the classrooms and other event spaces.

My brain screams for me to go in the other direction, follow Graham back to his office, and demand he stay on the tour with us. I know how crazy it sounds, especially when I was hoping not to see him at all not fifteen minutes ago, but logic isn’t my strong suit at the moment.

“You coming?” Sam, one of my coworkers, asks, pulling me from my thoughts.

“Yeah, taking in the whole vibe.” Vibe ? I really must be losing my mind.

“Cool, don’t get lost.”

I chuckle at the comment, and Brian shoots me an odd look. I wave him off and head toward the rest of the group.

The tour is as dull as can be. It’s a bunch of offices and classrooms. When it’s not full of kids or senior citizens taking classes or working on something, it’s not much to look at. The spark is missing. When the place is full, laughter reverberates through the building, spilling out into every corridor.

I bite my tongue to keep from interrupting Sarah a few times. Especially when we’re in the garden, and she mixes up the names of the different plants. Thinking the beans are peas is forgivable. Not knowing the difference between cabbage and lettuce should be a crime. I’ll need to speak with Steph about getting some refresher education for the volunteers.

Thinking about Steph makes my throat tighten. I got an email that she and baby Sebastian are doing great, but I didn’t expect to hear anything else until she got back from leave. I wonder what she would say about my current predicament. We weren’t exactly friends, but more than acquaintances. Someone needed to invent better words to describe someone who’s a friend/boss/mentor hybrid.

Maybe the work clothes are a disguise. One that lets me walk among different groups of people, never giving away my true self. As we walk around, I feel like I have some sort of secret identity that only I know about.

Fine, Graham also knows about it. Until recently, it felt like two parts of my life that I kept separate. Originally, because I had to, but then because it was easier. Keeping everyone in their nice little boxes worked well for me. Different versions for different people.

Now? It feels like I’m splitting in two. The Tyler who goes to work and hangs out with my friends and the Tyler who volunteers here. And apparently, sleeps with his boss. Well, volunteer boss. Graham is somehow under the skin of both versions. Do superheroes ever feel this way? With two completely separate lives and friends, never letting them come together? Until Graham slammed into both versions, I didn’t know how lonely it could be living in one and pretending the other didn’t exist.

The actual tour concludes with little fanfare. We end up back in the lobby, and Sarah asks if there are any questions.

“This has been so amazing. Thank you for being a wonderful tour guide,” Brian gushes, making Sarah’s face turn bright pink.

“My pleasure. I think Graham wants to meet with you again before you leave. Let me go grab him from his office.”

“What do you think?” Brian asks, acknowledging me for the first time since the tour began. “Did you get everything you need?”

“Oh, yeah. I think this gives us enough to at least do the initial work. Then we can get some feedback and go from there.” The rest of the group nods in agreement.

“You know…” Sam drops his voice to a whisper as he leans toward me. “You’re the boss on this project. Or at least the lead. Don’t let Brian take over.”

My first week in the role, and I’m already fucking it up. I should’ve asked more questions or at least asserted my role during the tour. But it risks showing my hand. I know way too much about Sprouting Joy for someone who supposedly didn’t know they existed until last week.

“Sorry, but Graham got called into a meeting, so he won’t be able to say goodbye. He said you’re welcome to email him any follow-up questions,” Sarah says. She flashes Brian a big smile. He’s clearly disappointed in not having a final chance to suck up this morning.

We give our final thanks to Sarah before heading back out into the parking lot. I squint against the bright sunshine as I climb into my truck and drive toward the office. It takes a few blocks before I can name the feeling that’s settled like a rock in my gut.

Disappointment.

Disappointed that Graham didn’t come back out. Even if I would’ve hidden from him, I still wanted to be in the same room with him again.

Not sure what to do with that realization, I turn up the radio and tap my thumbs on the steering wheel, focusing on the beat rather than the thoughts running through my mind.

It works, and by the time I get to the office, I’m more clear-headed. At least until I grab my phone and see a text notification from Graham.

Graham

I’d still like to take you out on a date.

* * *

GRAHAM

“So, how’s everything at the office going?” Steph asks as she sinks into the couch. She looks better than anyone who had a baby three weeks ago should, even in her oversized sweatshirt and joggers.

“Nope. Absolutely not. I’m here to talk about you and the baby, not to let you sneak in work time while you’re on maternity leave.” I planned to let Steph and her husband have more time alone with baby Sebastian before I interfered in their lives, but she begged me to come over. Something about needing to talk to an adult about something other than the baby. It’s always been hard to say no to her, but sending me a picture of her pouting while snuggling with her new baby in her arms made it impossible. So, as soon as I finished at the office, I drove over here to chat. And meet Sebastian.

“Fine, we can talk about me first, then you can give me an update.” I snort and shake my head. We’ll see about that. “The baby’s good. I love being a mother. It’s hard, but I’m enjoying the time off to bond and recover. Your turn.”

Good lord. If she didn’t take a breath soon, the woman would pass out.

Typical Steph. She’s always been a workaholic, though meeting her husband toned down that side of her. Two can play that game. “Well, my siblings are good. Though they’re begging to stay with me for a night or two to enjoy the city. Possibly making me the babysitter so they can enjoy a night out.” I love my nieces and nephews, but watching them for an extended period of time leaves me exhausted. “I’m holding off as long as I can. If I make enough excuses, I’ll move on before we find an agreeable date.” My chest tightens at the thought. Moving on, possibly to another place, has always been the plan. Temporary jobs, homes, and friends, so there are no loose ends when I pack up and leave for the next city.

For once, the idea doesn’t fill me with joy and anticipation. Instead, there’s an aching in my chest that I can’t pinpoint.

“You know that’s not what I want to hear.” Steph jabs me in the side with her finger.

“Ouch.” I rub the spot on my chest. “That hurts, you know.”

“Oh my god, you’re so whiny.” It’s nice to be close to Steph. We’ve known each other for a long time, but it’s rare that I get to see her in person. It’s one of the big reasons I took this position. Even if I don’t get much time, I want to soak in every second.

“Fine, the office is good. No thanks to you leaving me with a massive website project to oversee.” Only for Steph would I even agree to such a massive undertaking. Usually, the jobs are day-to-day management, some special events, and maybe a board meeting. Big projects like a website or construction? It’s not worth the risk.

She winces. “Sorry about that. We booked it so long ago that I totally forgot about it. Seriously… my maternity leave wasn’t even scheduled yet.”

“I’m not sure I believe you, but it’s going okay.” I pause to consider whether I should mention Tyler. I don’t like keeping secrets, especially from Steph. It’s not only my secret, though. When I’m gone, Tyler will see Steph every week. I don’t want to mess anything up for him.

“Good. And the volunteers are all okay?” She looks like she wants to add something to that question, but she stays silent.

“Is there a reason they wouldn’t be?”

Steph worries her bottom lip between her teeth but doesn’t answer. Instead, she asks, “How about your personal life? Any dates with your mystery man from speed dating?”

Jesus. From one forbidden topic to the next. “No, I’m still trying to see him again, but it hasn’t worked out yet.” At least that part isn’t a lie—just a whole bunch of omissions.

“Well, what about someone else? Anyone catch your eye lately?” I appreciate the way Steph always leaves her language open when she inquires. Even though I’m bisexual, I rarely date women. When she set up the speed-dating night, she tried to sign me up for one night with men and another with women. When I protested, she shrugged and told me it would double my chances.

A sharp cry comes through the baby monitor. Sebastian has great timing. “Hold that thought. I’ll grab him and be right back.”

Steph hoists herself off the couch and disappears toward the back of the house. I hear her through the baby monitor, cooing and soothing her baby.

I take the opportunity to sit back on the couch and take in the space. There’s such a vast difference between this and the short-term rentals I stay in. Not only the décor but the feeling. This is clearly a home. While they keep it tidy, there are stacks of baby presents against the wall, pillows and blankets on the couch, and a bunch of family photos on the bookshelves. My rental has none of that. Baby things aside, my places are typically sterile. No signs of life or of me. Steph’s place is a home . Not just a place to come back to at the end of a work day or somewhere to set up the laptop on Saturday mornings.

I swallow my feelings when Steph reappears with Sebastian in her arms, one hand holding a bottle. “Someone was hungry, but he wanted to meet you.”

Sebastian’s chubby cheeks are tear-stained and red from crying, but he’s adorable. I love babies at this age, with their little fingers and big cheeks. Steph and I both stay quiet for a few moments, watching as Sebastian sucks down the majority of his bottle.

“Can I hold him?” I ask after he finishes.

“Of course, use the hand sanitizer on the side table first.” Steph pulls the bottle away and shifts Sebastian onto her shoulder. “Let me burp him first, or you’ll end up with spit up all over your suit.”

I pump probably too much of the sanitizer into my palm and rub my hands together until it dries.

Once Steph is done patting Sebastian’s back, she hands over the baby, ensuring I get my hands in the right position to support his head.

He’s so tiny and light. I pull Sebastian closer, ensuring he’s at no risk of breaking free. “He’s the sweetest thing,” I say, looking into the bluest eyes possible.

“We think so. He’s pretty special, though he’d be even more special if he’d let us get more than two hours of sleep.”

“I think you’ve got a bit before that happens.” I don’t mention that my nephew is five and still hasn’t slept through an entire night. Steph doesn’t need those stories right now. She’ll have plenty of her own in no time.

“Now, where were we?”

I hoped she would forget our previous conversation in her sleep-deprived state. It’s on the tip of my tongue to tell her the whole story and ask for advice. Things are… complicated though. I think Tyler would be upset if he found out I said anything to Steph, and there’s no way to share the details without giving away his identity.

I decide to distract Steph instead. “Do you really want to continue to hear about my boring personal life, or would you rather take the opportunity to shower and take a nap?”

Steph’s face lights up. “Really?”

“Of course, but you’ll owe me.” Getting a few minutes to hold Sebastian is all the payment I require. She doesn’t need to know that, though.

“Anything you want. You can have my firstborn child.” Steph’s face softens as she turns her gaze toward Sebastian. “Or maybe you can have the next one.”

“Go, before I change my mind.” She takes that as her cue and steps back.

“He just ate, so he should be good for a while. There are diapers by the changing table in his room. It’s the first door on the right. Anything else you need is probably in his room, as well.” With a final glance toward her baby, she heads down the hall. “If you need me, holler.”

“We’ll be fine,” I yell back. I turn my attention back toward Sebastian. “Won’t we, handsome?” He seems unconvinced, but I think an hour together will be enough to change his mind.

“Now, maybe you can give me some advice about my love life?” Sebastian makes a gurgling sound. “That’s what I thought. See, I really like Tyler. He’s gorgeous, but that’s not why I like him.” Sebastian fusses until I bounce him in my arms a few times. “Okay, it’s not the only reason. There’s something about him that draws me in. I’m pretty sure he’s attracted to me, too, so I’m having trouble figuring out the issue. Do you think it’s because I’m his sort-of boss?” Sebastian sniffles a bit. “That seems wrong to me, too, but I’m having trouble coming up with a better explanation. Thoughts?” Sebastian burps, and I grab one of the cloths I saw Steph using to dab at the corners of his mouth. “You’re probably right. I’ll keep trying. If you have any suggestions, let me know.”