Page 6

Chapter Six

TYLER

After the stress of the previous week, I deserved to spend two days doing absolutely nothing. And that’s exactly how I spent the weekend. If I wasn’t in bed, I was on the couch, switching back and forth between Netflix and Skyrim . Not exactly glamorous, but it did the trick to clear my head. When I woke up on Monday morning, I felt ready to face the week ahead.

I’ve got my usual volunteer slot on Wednesday and then the team visit on Thursday. Chances are high that I’ll run into Graham on at least one of those days, but I’ve come to terms with it. We’re two consenting adults who hooked up. No reason we can’t be completely professional.

Which is why when I arrive at Sprouting Joy on Wednesday, I shove my backpack in my locker and head straight to the garden. Would I normally spend a few more minutes inside, getting organized and checking in with folks? Maybe, but Steph’s officially on maternity leave, and she’s the only person I usually talk to. Not because I need instructions for the day but because I enjoy her company. My chest tightens a bit at the thought of being without her for so long. I can call her if I really need her, but I want her to have time with her husband and new baby. The last thing she needs is me dumping all my issues on her when she’s trying to care for an infant.

But for the last several years, she’s been a confidant for me. The guys are my best friends, but sometimes I need to talk to someone who hasn’t known me for over a decade. Someone who sees me for who I am today, not who I used to be. Steph came into my life at a low point when I didn’t know how to move forward. Or even if I could. Where others might have seen a criminal and lost cause, she gave me a chance.

Since she’s away, there’s no need to dawdle. At least that’s the story I’m sticking to. It has nothing to do with avoiding a certain temporary director. Nope, none at all.

The gardens are a lot of work to maintain, especially now that I’m only here once a week, but the routine brings me a sense of calm that I don’t get anywhere else. If someone told a twenty-year-old version of myself that I’d get a better sense of purpose caring for a bunch of plants than I do from a video game, I would’ve laughed in their face.

I get to work harvesting the radishes and carrots that are ready. Normally, one of the school camp groups that comes through would do this since the kids love digging in the dirt. Many of them have never seen how vegetables look before they’re in the grocery store and are in awe of the process. But there aren’t any field trips scheduled for the next two weeks, and leaving them practically guarantees the critters will steal them. Fucking rabbits will eat everything if we don’t keep putting up fences and other barriers. No matter what I do, they figure out a way in, but at least it stumps them for a week or two.

“Hey, Tyler?” I look up to find Maggie, one of the other volunteers. She typically sits at the front desk, so seeing her out here is a bit of a surprise.

“What can I do for you, Maggie?” I sit back on my heels and smile at her. It took me a long time to break through her shyness. Our shifts have overlapped for a few years, and I finally won her over with my corny jokes and cookies.

“You know the interim guy? Graham?” I nod. Yeah, I know exactly who Graham is. “He wants you to stop by his office at the end of your shift.”

“I don’t finish up until seven tonight.” Wrapping up early to speak to Graham is not on my priority list. I’m planning to be right here until I’m ready to get in my car and go home, even if it’ll be starting to get a little dark by then.

“He knows. He says he’ll still be here.”

Well, fuck.

“Okay, will you still be around?” Thinking about being left alone with Graham opens a pit in my stomach. There’s something about him that disarms me and puts me on edge at the same time. I suppose I should work out what those feelings mean, but something tells me I won’t have an answer in the next ninety minutes.

“No, I’m leaving in fifteen.” She digs her toe into the dirt. “Is everything okay? You’re not in trouble or anything, are you?” Great, now we’re pulling more people into our chaos. Maybe we do need to talk… just to figure out how we go forward from here. Then we can both get over the whole thing and stop acting like a couple of teenagers.

“Everything’s great. Nothing to worry about.” I pretend to inspect one of the tomato plants right next to me, afraid my face will give me away. Maggie might be shy, but she’s perceptive. “Really. Have a good night, and I’ll see you next week.” I punctuate the last sentence, hoping it reassures her, though it’s as much for her as it is for myself.

I get back to work, and even though time seems to move slowly, I finally finish the harvesting and weeding a few minutes after seven. My insides are still in knots. He can’t fire me, can he? I had no idea who he was when we hooked up. Surely, neither of us can be held responsible for that. I’m not sure what the rules are about staff and volunteers dating or if it applies to temporary employees. They probably covered it in my orientation, but that was years ago. Even if they did, I wouldn’t have been paying attention. I don’t need to volunteer here, but I love it. Losing it would break my heart.

I get the tools put up and make my way inside. It’s eerily quiet at this hour, with the staff and volunteers gone home. The front desk is empty when I stop off in the bathroom to scrub up the best I can. My clothes are still covered in dirt, but at least my hands and face are clean. That’s as good as it gets until I can get home and do a more thorough cleaning in the tub.

My heart races as I make my way down the dark hall to Steph’s office—though I guess it’s Graham’s office now. Light seeps out from the partly open door. After a few deep breaths, my heart feels like it’s slowed down to a normal rate. I’ve been in there dozens of times over the years. This time isn’t any different.

If I say it enough times, maybe I’ll start to believe it.

After a few more deep, centering breaths, I knock on the door.

“Come on in.”

I push the door to the corner office open. Graham is sitting behind the oversized mahogany desk, staring at the computer screen. He looks as good as I remember. Maybe better. His gray suit jacket hangs over the back of his chair, and he’s rolled the sleeves up on his salmon-pink shirt, revealing his muscular forearms. Is it possible to have a forearm fetish? Because I think I might be developing one.

“Maggie said you wanted to talk to me.” Right, I’m here for one thing only, and it has nothing to do with his forearms. Or any other part of his body.

“Yes, come on in and take a seat.”

GRAHAM

I’ve been waiting around for the last hour, hoping Tyler didn’t manage to sneak out without me noticing.

“Oh, uh… my clothes are kind of dirty.” Tyler gestures toward his muddy jeans. There’s something about this look—raw and dirty—that turns me on.

“Don’t worry about it. I think a non-profit that specializes in gardening can deal with a little bit of dirt on the chairs.” He eyes the seat suspiciously. This place is anything but fancy. Sure, the office is nice enough, but everything has a bit of a soil or fertilizer smell to it. It’s expected, but it’s taking a little getting used to. The first day, I thought it was because a field trip was potting in the classroom. Nope, it’s a constant thing around here. I grab one of the old reusable shopping bags sitting in the corner and set it over the seat. “Here, we’ll put this on the chair if it makes you feel better.”

Tyler hesitates but settles on the edge of the chair. The bag crinkles as he wiggles in the seat and his leg bounces up and down. It takes all my self-control not to reach out and still his knee.

“There’s no need to be nervous. I wanted an opportunity to clear the air between us before you’re here Thursday with your team. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.” I lean up against the corner of the desk. I don’t want to go back to the other side and make it feel like I’m his boss, but I also don’t like the feeling of looming over him.

“You don’t.” I raise my eyebrow at him. “Fine, you make me a little uncomfortable.” He rests his hand on his leg, stopping the bouncing.

“I won’t say anything about us, and if you like, we can continue pretending like we met at the introductory meeting.” Reminding myself that we don’t know each other very well, I want to be clear that I’m willing to keep his secrets.

“Thanks. This is a big opportunity for me, and I don’t want to fuck it up.”

“I know how hard it is to have to hide your true self, so if you ever want to talk about it, I’m around. I’m sure our personal relationship won’t ever come up. Even if it did, I wouldn’t do anything to out you.” I lower my voice. Everyone should be gone by now, but I never know if someone might come back to pick something up or have extended their shift.

Tyler scoffs. “I’m not in the closet. All my co-workers know I’m gay.” It’s my turn to look confused. “They don’t know I volunteer here, though, or I guess they didn’t know until recently. Most of them probably still don’t, but I told my boss when I asked to come off the project. I don’t think he cares enough to gossip, but you never know.”

Okay. That’s not quite how I expected this conversation to go. “You requested to be removed from our website?” I’m not sure why my brain zeros in on that piece of information. Why would anyone hide their involvement with Sprouting Joy? “I don’t know exactly what happened, but I thought we had a good time that night. Was it so bad that you’re literally trying to be as far away from me as possible?” I replay that evening in my mind for what might be the thousandth time. Nothing jumps out to me as being out of the ordinary. Well, except for the mind-blowing blow job he gave me.

“Fuck, no. The opposite.”

I run my hand over my face, trying to make sense of the conversation. “You’re trying to be as close to me as possible? Because if that’s the goal, you might need to work on your tactics.” Tyler’s head falls, and I rethink the way I’m approaching this conversation. “Maybe you can try explaining it to me again.” My legs start to tingle from the position, so I commit to sitting on the edge of the desk instead of leaning. So far, this conversation isn’t playing out the way I expected. I need to get control again if we’re going to figure out our issues before Thursday.

“I really enjoyed the night we had together.” He clears his throat as though he’s working up to something. “I don’t do repeats, though, and being in the same space as you makes that difficult.”

“Do you think I can’t control myself around you?” Tyler is objectively good-looking, and I won’t lie and say I haven’t thought about pushing him up against the wall and having my way with him. But if anything, our last two meetings should prove I won’t do anything without his permission.

“No, I think I might be unable to control myself.” His voice is barely a whisper. “It’s easier without the temptation.”

Well, that’s a nice bit of an ego boost. It’s also a relief to know I didn’t do something ridiculous to put him off that first night.

Now, what do I do with this information? He said he didn’t do repeats with his hookups, but it sounds like he might be second-guessing those rules. I wouldn’t be opposed to spending a little more time together, even if we’re in a professionally nebulous space. From the moment we met, I felt a connection. One I’d like to explore a little more. A date that lasts longer than five minutes would be a nice start. I keep meaning to look up the specific policies around that but haven’t yet done so. Probably because I’m afraid of what I’ll find. “Am I tempting you?”

He inhales sharply but doesn’t respond. I’m more than happy to wait while he sorts through his thoughts.

“Fuck.” It’s not the response I’m expecting. He drops his elbows to his knees and cradles his head. I had this whole conversation planned out earlier, but now we’re way off script. Tyler looks like I kicked his puppy, which isn’t the mood I’m going for here.

I drop to my knees in front of the chair and place my hands gently on his arms. I wait, half expecting him to shrug away from my touch. When he doesn’t, I let my fingers move gently over the fabric of his long-sleeved shirt.

“Tyler.” I keep my voice soft and low. “Did I do something wrong?”

His head snaps up, and his soft blue eyes are glassy as he stares at me. “No, absolutely not. It’s just me. I don’t know how to behave around you.”

“Well, that seems like a mutual problem.” Given the last week of awkward introductions and pretending not to know each other. Twice . “I know you said you don’t do repeats, but the two of us are bound to keep being thrown in the same room together. At least for the next three months. We owe it to ourselves to at least figure out how to do that without things being so weird.” And, if it means I get to spend a little more time with him, then lucky me. Maybe next time I’m on my knees in front of him, it’ll be for something more fun.

“I don’t—” He bites his lip as he cuts off whatever he’s going to say. “It’s complicated.”

“Why is it complicated?” I wait several beats for an answer. When it doesn’t seem like one’s coming, I try again. “I would really like to take you out on a date so we can get to know each other better.” These feelings don’t seem to be going anywhere, so I might as well see where they lead. I really do need to check on the policies related to dating a volunteer. For that matter, Tyler probably needs to check the policies related to dating a client.

Tyler shakes his head from side to side and sighs. “I don’t date.”

“Okay, what if we went out as friends so we could talk.” I can be patient.

“I’ll think about it.”

I start to try to convince him, then think better of it. Pushing him is likely to end up with a firm no . The long game might be the better way to think about this right now. I can focus instead on getting to know him and breaking through his hard exterior.

Maybe with the help of Gulliver. Somehow, that cat made more headway than I did.

“Okay. Why don’t you head home and get cleaned up?” I’ve already kept him well past his scheduled end time. “We’ll figure out a time to talk later. Somewhere besides the office.” I’ll turn his doubts into a yes. I’m sure of it. I’m just not sure how.