Page 5

FOUR

Xander

The soles of my running shoes pound on the trail behind our house, the grass worn down from years of use. Every morning that we stay at the mountain house, I start my day with a run on this path. And every full moon I spent here in my younger years, I’d run it in wolf form too. When Kai and Carrington came along and shifted for their first time, I made sure I showed them the trail.

Usually, if I need to get myself together, my exercise routine does the trick. But not today. Today, my mind is all over the place. It’s traveling to destinations it’s never traveled to before, and it’s confusing the hell out of me.

I cannot get Alexia Rush out of my head.

And it makes no damn sense. Because other than pleasantries, I’ve never said much to the girl over the years. In fact, I missed the moment she became this gorgeous woman. She’s no longer my kid sister’s best friend with round cheeks and cartoons on her t-shirts. She still has that sense of humor that I remember, but Alexia now has an air of sophistication, intelligence, and beauty... and those curves. She has so many soft, sexy curves.

Fuck ! See, that’s what I don’t need to be thinking about. She is Kai’s mate. It doesn’t matter how my body reacts to her. She’s an attractive woman, sure, but that’s it. It’s not like it’s been decades since my last sexual encounter or anything. Far from it. However, I can’t recall a woman ever taking up so much real estate in my head.

As I approach the house, I slow my pace and start my cool down stretches. Even more puzzling than my wayward thoughts is why Kai is so hesitant, and why he’s not all over Alexia. If she were my—well, let me reword that. She’s an ideal mate for him. Why is he not over the moon and showing her how happy he is to have her? It’s baffling to me.

If he’s not careful, he’s going to mess this up.

I finish up my stretches and walk into the house, finding that everyone is awake and downstairs, except Clayton, who is probably in his office again. According to what Carrington said last night, he spends more time up there than anywhere else these days. I’m not complaining; the less I have to interact with my stepfather, the better.

I lift my shirt and wipe the sweat away from my forehead as I walk into the kitchen.

“Ew, come on, bro, trying to eat here,” Carrington whines, throwing a wrapped muffin at me and hitting me in the stomach.

Alexia snickers into her cup of coffee, and the small sound sends a jolt through me. I can’t help but to smile in return.

“Goddess forbid that anyone in this house do something to break a sweat,” I say, stepping up to the coffee pot and pouring it into one of the mugs set out on the counter.

“I break a sweat at Pilates class, and I look damn good doing it.”

“I’m sure you do,” I say, shooting my sister a glare and taking a sip from my steaming cup.

I was nervous to come back here and see my siblings after being away for ten years. I’ve been back for pack business, but I’ve spent no time at all with them. I feel terrible about it, but since our mother’s death, things have never been the same. But I was pleasantly surprised to find that Carrington was quick to forgive me, falling back into virtually the same easy relationship we always had.

But Kai? Not so much.

“When are you going home?”

I slowly pivot to face my brother. He stands on the other side of the kitchen island with what has to be two liters of protein shake in his hand. “The day after tomorrow. I thought I would get some time in with my baby siblings, but it seems you have more important matters to attend to.”

“I’m astonished that you can stomach us for that long.”

Kai’s words hit deep and true. This place isn’t the same without Mom. I see her everywhere—in the elegant touches to each of her houses to the sparkling green of the twins’ eyes. When I’m at the beach, I can pretend like she is still on this earth and a major player in my life isn’t missing.

“It’s not you and Care,” I say, fighting past the tight feeling in my throat.

Kai’s features soften for a moment and Carrington speaks up. “It’s tough for him too, Kai. He’s lost his mom and his dad.”

Our brother sighs and approaches the island, setting his shake down and placing both his palms flat on the marble countertop. “Xander, I’m sorry. It’s just—you didn’t come to Mom’s funeral, then you never make time for us when you come for pack business, and you show up for Lex’s ceremony and it just...” Kai takes a deep breath, like this is tough for him to admit. “It hurt, okay?”

I tuck my lips between my teeth and run my hand over my jaw. There is so much I want to say, things that I know my siblings deserve to know, but not now. Not when Kai should be focused on his mate. So I swallow down all the ugly truths and say, “I’ll explain everything to you, but it isn’t important right now. Alexia deserves all your attention, and I don’t want to take that from her. When the time is right, we can return to this discussion. I promise.”

Kai twists his lips to the side and thinks for a moment. Just when I think he’s going to tell me to fuck off, he nods. “All right.” He sticks his hand out toward me. “Truce?”

Relief washes over me and I take his hand in mine with no hesitation and shake. “Truce.” I bring him in for a hug and he pats me on the back.

“Dude, you need a shower,” he says, and I laugh as I push him away.

“Yeah, yeah,” I say, looking over my shoulder at Carrington. “I assume we have a truce already.”

She smiles. “I was nice to you last night, bro. Don’t forget it.”

I don’t know why but my attention shifts to Alexia, and my heart plummets into the pit of my stomach as she lazily draws circles on the tabletop with her fingertip. She doesn’t need to say it; her disappointment is written all over her face. It shouldn’t bother me. She’s just my kid sister’s friend, my brother’s mate. I don’t need her approval. But damn, it stings. Maybe it’s because her feelings toward me are a reflection of what our people think.

Fuck them.

I toss the rest of my coffee down the sink and stalk across the kitchen. “I’m going to take a shower.”

My head is a messed-up cluster of thoughts. Maybe it’s being in this house again, sharing a roof with a man I despise. Perhaps it’s the guilt I feel for neglecting my relationship with my siblings. What it sure as hell can’t be is Alexia Rush. She should be a neutral place in all this madness. I’ve never personally let her down. She has nothing invested in me beyond my half siblings. I’m not the bane of her existence or a coward or a failure. I’m just a familiar face that she doesn’t truly know at all.

I barge into the hallway bathroom and slam the door behind me. My hands shake with rage as I pull off my clothes and turn the shower on as hot as it will go. The second the scalding stream hits my skin the tension leaves my body. I breathe in the steam, concentrating on the thick air filling my lungs.

I rest my forehead on the tiled wall, letting the water hit my coiled muscles and flow down my back. I have to calm down. So what if Alexia looks at me like the rest of this pack does? Who cares if she thinks my brother and sister are foolish for forgiving me for my past transgressions—which neither of them know the truth about.

Why do I care what she thinks?

It’s her eyes. Those brown eyes flecked with amber. They are so expressive—the apprehension she felt walking into the grand ballroom after she’d just made her way through what must have been over a hundred wolves, the shy glances she gave Kai on the dance floor, the thoughtfulness hidden deep within them as she sat on the porch this morning. I wonder what they would look like when desire consumes her. Would the gold in them flare? Would they become hooded as her pretty pink lips part with a moan?

My hand slides over my cock.

Is her mouth soft and warm?

Would she open enough for me to slide in deep?

Would my brother’s mate?—

My hand snaps away from my dick like it’s shocked me. “No, no, no, you asshole. No!” I harshly admonish myself and turn the knob on the wall to cold.

Disgusted with myself and my wandering thoughts, I finish my shower and step out onto the bathmat. Pulling the towel off the rack, I squeeze the excess water out of the ends of my hair before drying my body and wrapping the blue terry cloth around my waist.

I reach over onto the shelf where I always set my pajama pants. But I didn’t bring them. I didn’t bring any clothes because I was sulking and pissed off. I just stormed in here like a petulant teenager and now I’ve got to go back to my bedroom like this. I take a deep breath and grab the door handle. Normally, I wouldn’t care. But after what just went down in that shower... let’s just hope I don’t see?—

“Oh,” Alexia chirps, nearly running into me as I step into the hallway. “He—Hello. Sorry, I didn’t see you.”

Those fucking chocolate eyes. I can tell she’s trying to keep them on my face, but she’s having a really hard time. Her gaze moves along my collarbones, soaking up the ornate scrolling that trails over my shoulders and frames the tops of the colorless sleeves that adorn each of my arms. Scenes of wolves and trees and the moon peeking over the mountains. But she lingers the longest on the family crest inked over my heart that my mother adopted to represent her rule—a familiar image to our people.

I dip my head until my face is in Alexia’s line of sight. “See something you like, little wolf?”

Her cheeks turn the prettiest shade of pink, but she recovers quickly, not breaking eye contact with me. “Yeah, actually, I do. I love your tattoos. They’re gorgeous. I only have one, but I’ve always wanted to get more,” she rattles, but I’m focused on four words: I only have one .

What is it? Where is it? The need to know is too much, and I feel a little ridiculous for being so curious.

Keeping my bearings, I say, “I’m glad you approve. Unfortunately, I can’t say the same for others. It’s been made clear to me that they’re ‘trashy and not becoming of a prince.’”

“It wasn’t your mother who said that,” she states with so much conviction, like the two sat down and discussed the artistry of them before her passing.

“No. My mother was always fascinated with each piece I added to my body. She never felt it was her place to tell another what to do with themselves. As long as they lived by the shifter code of caring for our land and people, she considered them worthy of her respect.”

Alexia gives me a soft smile. “That’s why we all loved her. She was the best queen we could have ever asked for.” She swallows and I watch her throat for far longer than I should. “I have a question.”

My eyes snap back to her face. “Yeah?”

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. I probably shouldn’t even ask. It’s not any of my?—”

My lips turn up into a smirk. “Alexia, you’re rambling. Ask your question.”

She shifts from foot to foot and looks down at the carpet and back up at me before she says in a quiet voice, "You told Kai and Carrington that now isn’t the time to talk about it, but the reason you gave was that Kai needs to focus on me. But I really want to know.” She takes a breath, and I know what’s coming. “You loved your mom. I know you did. Why didn’t you come to her funeral?”

I look away from her and shake my head. “Isn’t that the million-dollar question? The queen’s selfish oldest son dips out on his mom’s funeral.” I bring my attention back to her and put on the mask of indifference that has served me well in the past. “No disrespect, Alexia, but I’m not having this conversation with you either. Your life is set for a new course, and you don’t need me adding what could be roadblocks for you. The journey you have before you won’t be an easy one. Keep focused on nothing but Kai.”

Her eyebrows scrunch together, and I want nothing more than to reach out and smooth away the worry line forming between them. But of course, that’s not possible. So I just cross my arms over my bare chest and make myself look even more closed off.

When she speaks, I’m shocked to hear her voice come out shaky and thick, almost like she’s on the verge of tears. “I’m sorry, you’re right. I shouldn’t have asked. That’s none of my business.” She gives me a tight smile as she steps around me toward Kai’s room. “I’ll see you later?”

I look back at her retreating form and my mouth opens, but I hold the words back. The best thing I can do is keep things civil between us and keep her at a distance. Nothing good can come out of her finding some comfort in me. Not when I’m already on the verge of crossing a dangerous line, and that would be a fatal mistake when she is set to be the future queen.