Page 15

FOURTEEN

Xander

Tonight is the full moon, and I think I’ll come out of my skin if the sun doesn’t set soon. Ever since my and Alexia’s night under the stars, I’ve had two things on my mind: her and the shift.

I need to be in my wolf form; I need to run, to be free from all that’s been plaguing me since first seeing her at her cleansing ritual. Because as glad as I am that Alexia is in my life, that’s also been the source of most of my stress. Wondering where my brother is, who’s after Alexia, and worst of all, if he’s the one behind the weird shit happening to her.

And since I agreed to watch over her during her shift, we should stay home. We should do nothing besides shift and hang out in the backyard or something. That would be the responsible thing to do. But I don’t want to be responsible. I want to run with her. I want to see what she looks like when she shifts and can be totally free. I can protect her out there just as well as I can in here.

That is, if Clayton will get off our asses.

“No, absolutely not.”

“Why not?” Alexia says, propping her hands on her hips and glaring at my stepfather. You’d think she hates him as much as I do, but there’s no way. She doesn’t know the half of it.

“Because it’s inappropriate, Alexia. You will not be with Xander while you shift for your first time away from your family. You will be with Carrington and that is all,” he says, glaring in my direction as if he knows something is going on between us.

And honestly, if the fucker couldn’t put me to death for it and get what he’s wanted ever since he’s known me, I wouldn’t care. But after what happened the other night at the overlook, I know Alexia is worried sick. She’s tried to tell me she’s not, that it isn’t bothering her anymore. But I know better. I’ve gotten to know her well enough by now that I can tell when she’s hyperfixating on something. And I know just by watching her in those moments when she goes quiet that she’s thinking about it. She’s scared. And because of that, I am determined to be with her during the shift.

“Why can’t we all just be here together?” I butt in, leaning against the counter. “Don’t you think it’s hard on all of us with Kai not being here?”

His gaze darts between us and the silence is deafening as he hits us with his disapproval. “I don’t think it’s difficult for you at all, Xander. It seems to me like you’ve been perfectly content since Kai’s been gone. I don’t think you’ve given one thought to him or what he’s going through; imagine how he must be feeling, separated from his mate like this.”

I fail miserably at holding in the sarcastic laughter that erupts from me. “I think if Kai was concerned about his mate and her first shift since leaving home, he would be here. It’s clear he doesn’t give a damn about Alexia.”

Alexia tucks her lips between her teeth, and she too fails to hold in her true feelings because a derisive snort leaves her throat. Clayton’s head snaps in her direction and her eyes go wide.

“Do you have something to say, Alexia?” he asks, taking a step toward her, and I don’t like his menacing demeanor. I don’t shy away from moving to her side, and she relaxes as soon as she’s within my reach.

“I just think you’re being a little bit ridiculous, Mr. Braxton. Xander is right; if Kai really cared, he wouldn’t have left. Xander is my friend, and he’s Carrington's brother too. Not to mention your stepson. I just don’t understand why you’re so upset. And with all due respect, I’m a grown ass woman and I’ll do what I want.”

Clayton fidgets with the gold ring on his pinkie and nods. “Yes, you are a grown woman. I suppose that is what surprises me in this situation. You felt the bond with Kai, and you know how strong that connection becomes during the shift. Yet here you are willing to spend that intimate moment with someone other than your mate.”

I clench my jaw and prepare to come to her defense, but she doesn’t need me. “And just what would you like me to do? My mate isn’t here . He all but rejected me. You do know that, right?”

The silence that falls over the room makes it very clear that Clayton did not know that.

“What are you talking about?” he asks, narrowing his eyes on her.

“The text he sent when he left. It said, ‘I can’t do this. I’m done.’ I take that to mean he is done with me. He’s gone and no one, not even you, knows where he is. So who am I to feel a connection with? The connection will be nonexistent. So I am unsure what the problem is here.”

Clayton rolls his eyes. “Oh, please. That is not a rejection. The words were not spoken, it’s not official. There’s a whole ritual that has to be performed. Stop being so histrionic. Your connection is not gone just because he’s not in the house. That is no excuse for this behavior.”

Alexia’s lip curls. “‘This behavior’? What the hell does that mean? Not just sitting here sobbing over a man who doesn’t give two shits about me? Actually trying to enjoy my life?”

The temperature in the room drops to subzero with the cold look Clayton gives Alexia. “Watch yourself, girl. You are to be the future queen. The last thing this kingdom needs is a ruler who struts about with other men like a common whore.”

“Mind yourself, Clayton,” I say through gritted teeth.

I’m happy to stand on the sidelines as Alexia fends for herself, but I refuse to be a quiet bystander when her honor is at stake. She’s right to feel abandoned by Kai and to make her wait out the full moon by herself because of his absence is cruel. Wolves are social animals. We are designed to be at our best when part of a pack. Denying her this basic need because Kai has chosen not to be here is unfair. She and Carrington haven’t exactly seen eye-to-eye lately. I’d hate for her first shift away from home to end up lonely.

“I suggest you do the same, son ,” Clayton snarls. I open my mouth to tell him I’m not his fucking son, but Alexia holds her hand up, mere inches from me. It takes everything in me not to grab it and hold it against my chest. Clayton says that shit to get under my skin, and it works every time.

“You’re out of line, Clayton. Don’t speak to me like that ever again. You have no right to call me names. Maybe it’s best if I just go home for the shift. I’ll spend it with my family and then come back here afterward,” Alexia says.

Clayton shakes his head like an obstinate ram. “Absolutely not. You will remain here in this house with Carrington. Your parents do not need to know anything about the situation at hand. As far as they know, you and Kai are happy newly bonded shifters.”

“What? You didn’t care if I told them the other day!” she exclaims.

“Change of heart. I’ve been thinking about it and it’s good you didn’t. We don’t need the pack finding out about Kai being gone. Rogue packs could show up when they hear the future king is MIA, and that puts you and the rest of the family and Crescent pack in danger. You will stay inside the house with Carrington, and you will keep your mouth closed. Understood?”

My jaw clenches and I want to punch him so bad I can taste it. I hate how he’s speaking to her, but I also hate that he has a point. I said almost the exact same thing to her the other day, albeit in a nicer way.

Alexia shifts from foot to foot and looks at the floor. He’s effectively shut her down, and I can see her folding into herself. Goddess, I hate him.

“Fine,” she mutters as Clayton storms out of the room, just assuming we’re both going to listen to his orders. He’s about to find out what happens when you assume.

“Xander?” Alexia says, her voice soft.

“Yeah?” I say, turning toward her and slipping my hand into hers.

She smiles and rubs her thumb against mine. “Can we go to your room, so I don’t have to worry about Clayton coming back in and finding another reason to call me a whore?”

I growl and tug her into my side. “If he ever says anything like that again, I will make him regret it. I only held back so I didn’t make him even more suspicious about us than he already is.”

When we get to my room, I sit in the plush chair in the corner and hold my arms out to her. She curls up in my lap and looks up at me.

“I have a question, and I don’t want you to get upset when I ask it.”

“I could never be upset with you, Alexia,” I say as I wrap my arms around her. I’m not exaggerating. She’s too precious to be angry at; it still baffles me every day that Kai could be so dumb.

She smiles, but her expression sobers when she asks, “I know you told me it wasn’t my business, but I can’t stop thinking about it. After watching you these past few days, it doesn’t make sense. Why didn’t you come home for your mom’s funeral?”

"I—" The shame I suddenly feel for brushing this question off before washes over me. I bury my face in her hair and inhale her sweet scent before answering. “I’m sorry that I pushed you away when you asked before, but I didn’t think anyone really wanted to hear my side of the story. I realize now I was wrong. I didn’t come home because I didn’t even know she was gone. I knew she was sick, but I had no clue how bad it had gotten. I’d left town to visit a friend, thinking she had more time. It wasn’t until after the funeral when Kai called and ripped me a new one that I found out that she had died. It turns out Clayton told everyone that he called to let me know when the funeral was, but he didn’t. It still fucks me up to think that I missed it. That I didn’t get to tell her goodbye.”

Alexia’s jaw falls open and her eyes fill with tears. “What? You didn’t even know she died?”

I shake my head. “No. The last I had heard, which was just a week or so before she passed, she was doing better. And that came directly from Clayton because when I called to check on her, he answered her phone. He told me she was fine, but that she was at the doctor for her checkup and would call me back.” I swallow and force back the tears that threaten to fall. “She never did.”

Alexia grits her teeth and her nostrils flare. “I hate that guy. What a jackass. He had everyone thinking you were the biggest dickhead for not coming home, and that is not fair!” she exclaims, crossing her arms and staring in the direction of Clayton’s office like she could kill him with her glare alone.

“I’ll hand it to the asshole. He always told me he would make sure I paid for the misery he claimed I brought to his life. He succeeded in the most spectacular way.”

Her anger only grows, but I’ve had years to stew in this. I’ve done it all to punish myself. Because when you get right down to it, it was my fault that I wasn’t here. I avoided my stepfather at all costs. If I had just been here and never left, it would’ve been a nonissue. In the end, I paid dearly for that. It hurts like hell, but I’m learning to manage that pain day by day. It’s only been recently that the pain is just a twist in my gut and not a breathtaking blow. I’m all too aware what—or should I say who—is the cause of that change.

“I’d like to make him pay,” she growls.

I place my hand on her cheek and turn her face to mine. “Baby, I can’t tell you what it means to me to see you so riled up in my honor. Honestly, no one has ever cared so much. But I have to tell you, since you strolled into this house and my life, you’ve made that pain bearable. You’ve made me happy. And that’s something I haven’t been in a long time.”

A tear slips past her lashes, and I wipe it away with my thumb before it can slide down her cheek. “Why couldn’t it have been you?” she murmurs, lifting her face to brush her lips against mine.

My heart actually squeezes in my chest. “I’m happy to let it be me for now. The memories that you and I are making will be the ones that I cherish for the rest of my life.” When the final word leaves me, I have an urge to laugh, only because I can’t recall ever making such a sappy declaration in my entire life. But I would make it again and again for her. Until she doesn’t want me anymore, I’m hers.

She kisses me, and when she parts my lips with her tongue, I let her in with no hesitation. And I can tell the sun is close to setting without even looking out the window because my body is starting to heat up, the tingle in my bones vibrating under my skin.

“Are you ready for the shift, little wolf?” I whisper against her lips. “I feel it already, the adrenaline rushing through my veins.” I run my fingers through her hair. “I can’t wait to see you shift.”

She smiles and brushes her nose against mine in an almost canine motion that sends a shiver down my spine. “I’m ready, but I wish we could go run and not just stay in the house. I’ve got even more energy than usual.”

I tighten my arms around her and pat her on the ass. She gets to her feet, and I follow suit. Pulling my shirt over my head, I say, “We aren’t staying in the house. I refuse to hold you prisoner on the one night a month you should be free.”

“You’re serious? You’re going to go against Clayton?”

“Defying my stepfather is what I do best.”

With a wide smile, Alexia sets to work removing her clothes. I know it’s just in preparation for the shift, but it feels like a little striptease just for me. Her delicate fingers move down the buttons on her shirt, slipping them free. I watch in fascination as she slowly exposes more and more of her skin. She is the most spectacular thing I’ve ever seen. She rivals the full moon and all the stars that twinkle around it.

She doesn’t even notice I’m watching her as she says, “I can think of something else you do better.”

I chuckle and she looks up at me, her cheeks glowing that pretty pink. Her gaze roams over me as I lean against my desk, pants unbuttoned and unzipped, watching her undress.

“What?” she asks as she reaches behind her back to unhook her bra. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“You know why I’m looking at you like this.”

“Do I?”

The sass in her tone has my body reacting. I’m enamored with everything this woman does. I could spend hours fixated on her as she brushes her hair. And I have no doubt that she understands my reactions to her. How can she not when everything she does jolts me like volts of electricity straight to my heart?

“I’m looking at you like this because you have captivated me like no other. I want to drink you in every second of the day,” I confess with no shame. I want her to know exactly how I feel.

Her lips part and she pulls the straps of her bra off her shoulders, dropping it to the floor. I try to keep my eyes on her face, but I’m drawn to all that smooth, tan skin she just uncovered. Goddess, she’s magnificent. And even more so right before the shift, under the full moon.

“Drink me in, then, baby,” she says with a smirk, quirking up the corners of her mouth. “I’m all yours.”

I do take my fill of her, but I don’t move any closer. The moon will shine any minute now. As soon as its beams hit the earth, our bodies will transform from flesh to fur. Our eyes will take on an inhuman glow, and our joints will crack and reform until we are standing on four legs. If only we were mates so it would be possible for us to fuck during the shift. But we’re not, and it’s a sacred act reserved for those whose bond is solidified. They say that nothing on this earth compares to the sharing of flesh and blood during the shift. And that’s why I can’t risk closing the distance between us. The moment I’m near her, I’ll want to take her, and that is a line I refuse to cross this close to the full moon.

I roll my wrist, gesturing for her to continue as I say, “It’s all got to go. Give me a good show.”

She grins and unties the ribbon on her pajama pants, sliding them down her hips. When she kicks them to the side and stands straight, I see she’s only wearing a scrap of lace that can hardly be considered underwear. “This what you had in mind?”

I push my jeans down my thighs and mimic her kicking action so our pants are lying side by side, leaving me in my underwear. Gesturing to the hard-on the thin material isn’t doing a great job of concealing, I raise a brow and say, “What do you think?”

She runs her tongue along her top teeth and flips her hair over her shoulder before hooking her slender fingers in her panties and pulling them down, leaving her fully bare to me. This is the first time I have seen her completely naked, and I am paralyzed by her beauty.

“I think you like what you see.”

“Damn right I do,” I say, dropping the last of my clothing on the ground.

I want her. I want her so fucking bad. Every cell in my body is aching to claim her. Alexia Rush has me going out of my mind with my raw need for her.

My hands curl at my sides, the clench of my fists so tight my knuckles throb with pain. I’m seconds away from pouncing on her like a ravenous animal when the first sharp pang of the shift courses through me.

“It’s time,” I say, my voice strained from the pain.

She nods. It’s difficult to talk when the shift begins. A single thought takes up all the space in your head— intense pain is about to rip through me.

Alexia follows me to the double doors along the far wall of my room. I open them, revealing a balcony that overlooks the rear of the property. The moon sits high in the twilight sky peeking out behind thick snow clouds. Flurries drift to the ground, covering my mother’s rose garden below. The tall pines along the property’s edge are already adorned with a thin white dusting.

Alexia steps to the iron railing and looks down. Unable to find my words, I slide in beside her and bump her with my shoulder. It’s a simple act that conveys exactly what I want. She lowers her head in a quick nod. And it is all I need to let go and give into the moon goddess’s will.

My world turns into a hot flash of red and gold. Burning pain sears my joints, my skin. I don’t fight it. I give in to it. I’m ready to free my beast.

When I look beside me, every ounce of pain I feel melts away. All of it means nothing because all I see, all I feel is her. Alexia Rush is the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. I’ve already admitted that much to myself and all but said those words to her.

But now I can see she is also the most beautiful wolf I’ve had the pleasure of laying eyes on. Her fur is midnight black with white specks on her paws, and I can tell without even touching it that it’s sleek and soft. I’d give anything to run my fingers through it, but right now, she’s looking at me with those dark eyes that I’d recognize anywhere. And I feel this jolt unlike anything I’ve ever experienced when our gazes connect. I don’t have time to think about it for long because she nudges me in the side, and I can see she’s ready to run.

We leap from the balcony with no regard for the drop below. When our paws hit the ground, we’re off. We run side by side into the trees, weaving through their trunks and leaping over massive logs draped across the forest floor. When she erupts into a high-pitched howl, I join in. Our muzzles face the moon as our beastly cries fill the night. It’s the most magnificent sound I’ve ever heard.

Hours fly by as we surrender to our animal instincts, chasing prey and stretching our limbs in sprints. I love every second of it, but I especially enjoy when Alexia turns playful. She tackles me from behind, sending us tumbling through the snow-covered leaves. We fight for dominance and more than once I let her pin me. I’d give anything to spend the night watching the cocky sway of her tail when she thinks she’s bested me.

I wish I could tell her how gorgeous she is as we lay under the stars, my head against her ribcage. I can hear every breath she takes, and it reminds me how alive we both are in this moment. How lucky I feel to be here with her. Without even realizing it, I let out a little huff, and she sits up, forcing me to do the same.

We sit facing each other, our paws nearly touching, and just looking in her eyes makes every cell in my being come to life. I swear, something’s happening between us, and I am powerless to stop it. I don’t want to stop it. I nuzzle her face with my snout, wanting to show her what being here with her under the full moon means. That it’s not just a regular shift to me. That Clayton was right about one thing: This is an intimate experience. That what we’re sharing is a big deal.

That’s the amazing thing about being a shifter—I don’t need to say it. She’s reading every movement of my body. She sees the contentment in my eyes and my strong stance tells her how proud I am right now. Without a single word, she knows what I feel. And I see all the emotions radiating from her as well. The slight tip of her head tells me she is concerned and when she nudges my cheek with her nose, I know she is happy I’m here with her. But it’s those brown eyes that are screaming at me. She desires me just as much as I want her.

In need of a little physical touch, I brush my body along the side of hers. I swear I hear her sigh. I can’t blame her because her fur against mine does something to my insides. I’m sure I’m melting, becoming a complete mess for this woman.

She turns and mirrors my motion, and I jerk my head in the direction of the house. I know there are things we won’t do in our shifted forms because we aren’t mates but there is one thing I can do with her that would make me happy. I just don’t want to do it out here and lose track of time.

Alexia follows me and we run back in the direction of our house, at a calmer pace this time, glancing back and forth at one another every couple seconds. It’s as if we can’t keep our eyes off each other, like we’re magnetized.

When we finally get back to the house, we go into the garage through the dog door that my mother had installed when we first built this house. Miraculously, we get back to my room without any incident, and as soon as I kick the door closed with my back paw, I jump onto the bed, making room for her. She immediately joins me and sighs contentedly, as if there were no place in the world she’d rather be.

She curls up with me and my furry body jostles with the equivalent of a wolf chuckle. Here I am with this incredibly sexy woman that I can’t get off my mind, and if someone walked in, we would look like two pups settling in for an afternoon nap. It’s sweet and innocent, the very opposite of what I want to be when she’s around. Yet, this is all I want right now. How is it that one being has me at such odds with myself?

I don’t know, but I don’t think I’d change it, even if I could. The feelings she awakens in me have gone too long unfelt, and I love this too much.