Page 5 of Trusting Skulls (Rebel Skull MC #8)

Chapter Four

Lexie

“ L exie. Lexie, it’s time to eat!” Dirk yells up the stairs.

I pull my pillow over my head, but my stomach growls as a heavenly scent enters my nostrils. I’m hungry, but the thought of seeing Dirk and Jesse makes me debate with my stomach on whether food is worth it or not.

Ugh, the belly wins. I throw the covers off and jog down the stairs. There are three plates at the table. Jesse and Dirk are standing at the kitchen sink together. I quickly grab my plate, mumble a thank you, and turn to head back up to my solitary confinement.

“Park it,” Dirk says after whistling sharply.

My gaze goes to the windows, and I can see him standing with his hands on his hips in the reflection.

I turn around. This absolutely sucks. I carefully set my plate down and lower myself into a chair. Jesse and Dirk join me.

“Do you like to cook?” Jesse asks me, and I internally groan. I hate small talk.

“No. I usually order in,” I tell her honestly.

“Would you like to learn?” she asks.

I’m about to politely decline when Dirk taps my foot with his boot. I sigh. “Yeah, that would be great.”

She nods, her gaze leaving mine to rest on her husband. He’s shoveling food in his mouth like he’s not part of the conversation.

“I’ll wake you up before I start breakfast. I planned on making homemade cinnamon rolls.”

“That sounds good,” I tell her.

There’s an awkward silence before they slip into an easy conversation between the two of them. My shoulders fall in relief. I eat as fast as I can without looking like a crazy person.

“Can I leave the table?” I ask as soon as my plate is clean.

“Yes, but don’t forget …”

I cut Dirk off as I stand. “Yeah, I know.” Quickly, I gather all the dishes that I can and head to the kitchen. I set everything on the counter and begin rinsing a plate. When I look for the dishwasher, I realize there isn’t one.

Jesse turns in her chair. “There’s no dishwasher, hun. We live old school here at the cabin.”

She must notice the look on my face, because she saves me before I make a complete embarrassment out of myself.

“Here, let me help get you started. I know where everything is,” she says, looking over her shoulder at her husband. He’s leaned back in his chair, watching us.

She taps my arm lightly, pointing at the sink.

“Thank you,” I say quietly as she shows me how to fill the sink with water and soap.

“We usually just let them dry here on the dishrack.” She pulls a rack out from under the sink, and places it on the counter. “It drains right into the sink.”

I feel so stupid. I’ve never done dishes by hand before. But I do know how to fill a dishwasher. I always make sure it’s ready to go for our housekeeper who works every other day.

She pats me on the back before her and Dirk move to the living room while I finish cleaning up. I look out the window as I run the dishcloth over a pan. My friend told me there was a party tonight out at the reservoir. I wonder who all is there.

I’m also curious to know if my parents have called the club.

When I’m finished, I hover behind my jailors as they sit on the couch. I want to go back upstairs, but I also want to know if I’m going to get out of here tonight.

“I’m done with the dishes. I was wondering if my parents had reached out to Jackson yet.”

Dirk pulls out his phone, and his fingers quickly fly over the screen. He gets a response back in a few short seconds.

“No. He hasn’t heard from them. Are you sure they were coming back today?” he asks.

“Yeah. I wasn’t lying.”

He and Jesse exchange a look. “Why don’t you shower, and then we have some things I want to talk to you about.”

My head falls back on my shoulders. This sucks! I don’t want to talk to them.

“Now.”

This time I do stomp up the stairs. I mean, I’ve been doing what he asked. Can’t they give me some space? I’m an adult for fucks sake! I angrily grab my clothes and head back downstairs.

Dirk laughs at me. “We’ve raised one angry teenager already, so you’re not going to faze us. But while you’re in the bathroom, why don’t you take a look in the mirror and think about coming back out as the adult I know you can be.”

His words sucker punch me in the gut.

I’m torn between this feeling of being a responsible person, and …

ah, it’s so hard to explain. My brain never fucking shuts off.

I set my clothes on the counter and stare at my reflection.

I haven’t showered since yesterday morning.

I feel utterly gross, but I know the shower won’t take that feeling away.

I turn my back on myself and step under the water. It’s ridiculous I’m even here. I should go out there and demand they take me home. I’ll lose my mind here.

And that’s exactly what I’m prepared to do when I’m standing in front of them, but it evaporates into thin air when I see what he’s holding.

“Open it.” Dirk grabs my wrists and places the small box in the palm of my hands.

“I … I don’t want to.”

“Why not?”

When I don’t answer, he stands up and walks me to sit in the chair beside the fireplace. It cocoons me with a feeling of safety. Before he returns to his seat, he tosses me a small blanket.

I wrap myself up in it, thankful to have something to hide myself behind.

“Now, why don’t you want to open it?”

I flip it in my hands, wishing I could toss it in the fire, because there’s no way I’m getting out of here without opening this stupid thing.

“It seems silly to be scared. Ash hasn’t been harassing you, has he?”

“No,” I answer immediately. I don’t want them to think bad about Ash. He’s the nicest person I’ve ever met.

“Then why?”

“I don’t know,” I say, rubbing my thumb over the return address on the box. “I was going to, but then they just sort of piled up on the table.”

“Just like you kept writing him letters and left them to pile up on your dresser?”

I nod, dropping my eyes to the box.

“I want you to think about that real hard, because if you can answer truthfully, it’ll be easier for you to recognize the next time you think about self-sabotaging.”

Fine. He’s right. It’s just a package from Ash. It’s no big deal. It’s not like it’s going to bite me. I pull the tape from the box and slide the lid off. My heart stops beating, and my mouth falls open.

I don’t know what I thought I would find inside, but this was not it.

It slaps me in the face. Now I know why I didn’t want to open it. I was trying to avoid the way he makes me feel. Like, it’s too much. What do I have to give him in return? I don’t have anything to offer other than the one thing he refuses to take from me.

My hand reaches for the carved piece of wood first. Did he make this himself?

“What is it, hun?” Jesse asks.

“It’s Toto.” I mindlessly hand it to her, picking up the book next.

The light from the fireplace ripples over the shiny gloss of the cover. My fingers trace the title. The Wizard of Oz.

For a brief moment, I get a rush of happiness, but it’s quickly followed by confusion. How did he know? A piece of paper falls onto my lap when I flip through the pages.

It’s a letter.

“Read it,” Dirk orders gruffly.

I set the book down with one hand and pick up the letter with the other. It shakes between my fingers. “I can’t,” I tell Dirk, looking at him directly so he can see I’m being truthful with him.

“Do you want me to read it to you?”

That would probably be best. If I read it to myself, it will echo off the walls of my skull, haunting me throughout all the days I have left to walk this earth. If he reads it, there’s a better chance I can keep it out there, in the ether. Separate from myself. It won’t make his words part of me.

He stands and gently plucks the letter from my hands, then lowers himself onto the coffee table in front of me. There is no warning, he just begins to read.

“Lexie,

I want to start off by apologizing for not saying goodbye. It was a cowardly thing to do, and you deserve better. I meant no disrespect. Goodbyes are just one of those things I need to work on.

I’m also not very good at letters, so I thought I’d send you a few items to show you how serious I am about my feelings toward you. I saw the disbelief in your eyes the last time we spoke. You told me I was blind, and that I wasn’t seeing who you are.

I’m going to show you that my eyes have been wide open, and maybe it’s you who doesn’t see who you really are.

I miss you. Please take care of yourself, and ask the club for help if you need it.

Ash.”

Jesse hands Dirk the wood carving. He tosses it gently in his palm and then levels his gaze on me. “What is your honest opinion of Ash? On a scale of one to ten, with ten being your definition of a goddamn saint. Where would you place him?”

My eyes roam over the fire as I think about Dirk’s question. I don’t know if I believe in saints, but if there was one, it would be Ash Taylor.

“I would place him at infinity.”

“Even though he’s hurt and possibly killed people in the line of duty?”

I nod, still facing the fire.

“Even though he’s an alcoholic?”

“Yes,” I say quietly.

“Then why can’t it be the same for him? Maybe he loves you despite the things you’ve done.”

“I …”

“I don’t want to hear it. I want you to go upstairs and really think about this, Lexie. Men like Ash don’t come around every day, and goddammit that kid wants you. You, Lexie. You.”

“But you don’t think I’m deserving, do you?” I ask, a lump forming in my throat.

“Look at me,” he orders.

Slowly, I turn to face him, tears streaming down my face. His scary features soften to a not-so-scary status. “Don’t put words in my mouth, hun. The only person who really needs to answer that question is you. Do you think you’re deserving?”

“No,” I tell him honestly.

“You’ve got to figure out why it is you feel that way, Lex. Because it’s simply not true.”

He gently places the items in the box before handing it back to me, and then he points to the stairs.

They both tell me goodnight as I pass them, Jesse even gives my hand a squeeze.

When I get upstairs, I drop the box on the bed, taking out the little wooden Toto. I hold it next to my stuffed one.

I’m sure Ash saw it on my bed. The same way Elizabeth spotted it, and knew it meant something to me.

My eyes fall closed, and I click my heels. “There’s no place like home,” I whisper.

I laugh at myself, because of course it doesn’t work.

I fall back onto the bed, thinking about everything that happened today.

My captors’ conversation drifts up the stairs, and for some reason it comforts me.

Just hearing their voices makes me feel not quite so alone.

Dirk is a straight up asshole, but that in itself eases my anxiety. I don’t understand it. It’s weird.

Maybe it’s because he’s so honest.