Page 10 of Trusting Skulls (Rebel Skull MC #8)

Chapter Eight

Lexie

I follow Jesse around as she paints little scenes around the property. She’s currently painting a rabbit with long ears onto a random rock.

“Why is Raffe coming? You’re not going to leave, are you?” My voice cracks, and I hate that.

“I’m not leaving.” She continues to paint.

“Then why is he coming? I think two babysitters is plenty.”

She stands up to stretch. “We’re not here to babysit you. You’re old enough to take care of yourself. We know that.”

I laugh out loud. “I’m just shitty at it.”

“You don’t talk very kindly to yourself,” she notes while swishing her brush in a jar, turning the water a muddy gray color.

“You’re avoiding my question.”

Jesse walks over and sits down beside me. “Dirk and I think Raffe will be able to relate to you. I mean, not that we don’t. Shit, both of us practically raised ourselves. In fact, my husband had parents just like yours. They were more worried about their careers than the family they created.”

“I’ve never wanted for anything.”

“I know that, but kids need more than material things.”

When I remain quiet, she points at the rock she’s painting.

“My granddaughter is into Alice and Wonderland right now. I’m trying to create a little magic for her.

We try to come up with our daughter, Billie Rose, and her family as often as we can, but life gets busy.

It’s been a while since we’ve been here. ”

“Where does everyone sleep?” I ask. Jesse and Dirk have been sleeping on the couch bed downstairs, and I’ve been in the queen bed upstairs. The cabin is actually pretty small.

She laughs lightly. “We manage. It gets a little crowded when my sister and her bunch join us, but it’s nice too. We all bring sleeping bags and push the furniture to the wall. I love having so many people around me. It makes up for how alone I felt as a child.”

I nod. “You’re lucky.”

“I am,” she agrees. Her gaze roams over the mountains. “I got a call from Ash this morning,” she says quietly.

My heart starts beating fast.

“He said to tell you not to worry. He hasn’t opened the letters.”

My eyes widen. “I threw them away. No one was supposed to ever read them!”

Her hand wraps around mine. “Baby, you didn’t listen. He hasn’t opened them. He said it didn’t feel right. Ash knows you had no intention of sending them to him.”

Instantly, my shoulders fall. Oh my god, I probably hurt his feelings. My stomach turns with the thought I might have pained him by not writing. Or worse by writing and never sending them.

“What are you thinking about?” she asks.

“Is there a way to call him back?”

A smile lights up her face. “It might take me awhile, but I’ll make it so, okay?”

I give her a shy nod. “I’m going to go find a quiet place to sit.”

When I find a sunny spot, I plop down and pull the glass pen Ash gave me from my pocket. I hold it up to the light. He’s even figured out my favorite color. Ruby red, just like Dorothy’s slippers. Someone taps me on the shoulder. How long has Dirk been standing there?

“I think that will work a lot better with these.” He hands me the ink and the journal.

Once they’re in my hand, he turns and walks away.

I’ve never used one of these, but I’ve always wanted one. I’ll admit, I’m a little excited to try.

The sun shifts across the sky, and even though I don’t get any actual journaling done, I’m happy. My fingers brush over Ash’s name. It took me several pages to get the hang of it, but I manage to make some beautiful flowing letters.

My brain bounces left to right as the afternoon moves along. Part of me is craving more of this connection I feel with Ash. The other is uneasy about letting him any closer, because he’ll eventually see the parts of me that are ugly.

Jesse yells out the door. “Hey, hun, why don’t you come in and help me get started on supper.”

I heard Raffe pull in a little while ago. I really don’t want to talk to someone new. Besides, everyone in the club has already tried to talk some sense into me at one point in time. I doubt Raffe will have any better luck.

It’s not that I don’t appreciate the Skulls. I do. But I am who I am. Deeply flawed.

When I get inside, the three of them are laughing in the kitchen. Raffe grabs a towel and snaps it at Dirk.

My eyes about pop out of my head. Does he want to die?

Dirk just takes it away from him, but before he puts it away, he gets Raffe square in the ass.

“Fuck. Fuck. Fuckity fuck,” Raffe yelps as he grabs Jesse around the waist with one hand, his other rubbing his butt. He uses her as a human shield.

My first reaction is to label them as weird, because they’re old and acting like kids.

But if I really ask myself why it triggers me, it’s because I’m jealous.

You can tell these three are one hundred percent comfortable around each other.

I’d be happy to have one person in my life who I could be this level of relaxed with.

“Hey,” Raffe says, finally noticing me. He releases his hold on Jesse and waves me over to them. “Don’t mind us. We revert back to our youth whenever we get together.”

I lay my book and pen down on the table by the door before moving to stand by Jesse. She gives me a side hug and then puts me to work. Raffe and Dirk retreat to the living room.

“Jackson said Ash will call sometime this evening.”

“Oh, yeah, I forgot about that. You could just tell …”

She stops me. “You can do this. Whatever you wanted to say to him earlier today, he should hear it … from you.”

I sigh loudly. “I just want to go back to partying.”

“Yeah, and I want to go back to selling drugs.” She snorts, rolling her eyes.

“You used to sell drugs?” My eyes widen in surprise, and my mouth falls open.

It makes her laugh. “Did you think I was an angel?”

I shake my head, going back to my task of chopping vegetables. “Well, no, I … well, I thought you were a good bad guy. Not a bad bad guy.”

This really sends her into a fit of laughter. “A good bad guy?”

“You know, like him.” I nod over my shoulder toward Dirk.

“Okay, I guess I get it.” Her gaze roams over her husband before turning back to me. “Back then I told myself I was a good guy. I cleaned up the supply. Monitored the users. Made sure no one got too carried away. In the end, I realized that no matter how I tried to spin it, it was wrong.”

“Partying and selling drugs are two different things,” I tell her, hoping I don’t offend her.

“They are. I’m just showing you that no matter how much you fuck up in life, you can always move on from it.”

I spend the rest of the evening deep in thought. Can I move on? Is it too late?

My skin begins to feel too tight, so I stand up. I walk over to the windows, wishing it wasn’t so dark outside. I’m going out of my mind here.

My thoughts go back to the messages I missed from my friends. Surely someone is going to wonder where I’m at and start asking questions.

Face the truth, Lexie. None of those people are your friends. No one is coming for you.

My heart jumps into my throat when Jesse’s phone rings, and she answers it.

“Hey, yeah. She’s been waiting for your call.” She pauses and laughs lightly. “Yeah, we’ll give you some privacy.”

She hands me the phone and then waves for Raffe and Dirk to join her outside. I settle into the chair by the fireplace and curl into a little ball.

I listen to him breathe on the other end of the line for a second before speaking. “Hey,” I finally say quietly.

“Fuck, I can’t tell you how good it is to hear your voice.”

“It’s nice to hear yours too,” I tell him honestly. I don’t know why I was afraid to talk to him. He’s the same old Ash.

“So, you’re up at the cabin?”

“Yeah, wherever that is.”

He chuckles lightly. “I’ll be home in a few days.”

“I don’t know when I’ll be … home.” It reminds me I don’t have one.

“Listen, Lex, the club might think they can keep us apart, but that’s not happening. I’m doing really good. I promise.”

“It’s me they’re worried about, Ash. Not you. I’ve been partying a lot.”

He sighs, his frustration and disappointment spilling through the receiver.

“I didn’t want to get into a big discussion,” I tell him, needing this call to be over. “I just wanted to let you know that you can open the first letter I sent you.”

“You didn’t send any of them. How will I know which one was the first?” he grumbles.

“They’re color coded,” I answer, slightly embarrassed.

“By?” he encourages.

“The colors of the rainbow. Start with the red one.”

He laughs lightly. “Clever.”

“I wasn’t trying to be.”

“That’s the beauty of it.”

I ignore his compliment, even though it makes my heart flutter. “Thank you for the packages. I haven’t opened them all yet.”

“Why didn’t you open them when they arrived?”

The fire crackles, and I realize it might be getting cold outside. I don’t want them to have to wait outside for too much longer. “I don’t really know how to do this, Ash. I’m not used to getting gifts.”

“I understand. I’m glad you finally decided to open them.”

“The club insisted.” I laugh. “Um, I should probably go. I just wanted to tell you about the letter.”

“Just one, huh?”

“For now.”

“That’s enough.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

I let out a little giggle, feeling some strange sort of way. “I guess I’ll talk to you whenever the club decides it’s okay,” I tell him.

He laughs too, but his sounds a little more defiant. “I’ll be seeing you, Lexie.” The call disconnects.

I sit with the phone to my ear for a good five minutes before I lower it.

Jumping from my seat, I rush toward the door. “Hey, I’m sorry. We’re done.”

Jesse takes her phone from my hand. “That was quick.”

“Not quick enough,” I say, crossing my arms over my chest. “I think I’ll head to bed.”

They don’t argue.

My heart beats wildly as I stare at the ceiling. I try to focus on the chatter between the small group of friends downstairs, but my mind is scrambling to remember what I wrote in that first letter. It seems so long ago.

Oh my god. Why did I agree to this?