Page 45 of Touch Me Not (Manwhore #1)

“What are you doing?” he asked, getting a little alarmed. She hadn’t said a word. He stood and followed her.

“I’m going home.” Her voice shook. “There’s a noon flight back to Boston, and I was able to swap my ticket for it.”

“You don’t need to do that Lily,” he said. “You can ride back with me and Luther…”

“No, that’s not a good idea,” she interrupted. “I don’t want to see Luther’s pity. I’ve seen it on his face for so many other girls. I can’t bear it.”

“At least let me take you to the airport.”

“No,” she said adamantly. “You are in no shape to be driving. You need to rest.”

Another sharp pain ripped through him. He’d broken her heart, and she was still more worried about him than her own pain.

She finished packing then opened the door, looking at him one more time. The depth of her pain made him take a step toward her, but she put out a hand as if to ward him off.

“Lily…I…”

“Butterfly.”

He sucked in a breath at the use of her safe word. She’d never used it with him before, not once. It felt like she just sucker punched him.

“Goodbye, Nikoli.”

Then she closed the door, and Nikoli stumbled as he walked over to the chair she’d just been in. He sank down and put his head in his hands, knowing he’d probably screwed up the best thing that ever happened to him.

It only took a moment for the pain of losing her to sink in.

He stood, his fists clenched, and stared at the door.

She was gone. Really and truly gone. Anger at himself, at the situation, at Lily for just leaving swamped him, and his fist hit the wall.

He let out a ragged groan, but he welcomed the pain his body was experiencing.

After what he’d just done, he deserved to hurt.

Images of her flashed in his mind, laughing, joking, and the way she smiled at the simplest of things. His heart argued with him, the pain it caused so deep, he fell to his knees as it wrenched through him.

How was he going to survive this?

I don’t love you, Lily.

Those words kept echoing in Lily’s head, each one a stab to the heart.

It was as if he’d taken her heart, held it in his hands for a moment, and then started to squeeze, the pain worse with each passing moment.

Lily felt as if she couldn’t breathe, as if she wanted to hurl.

Her heart ached and her body ached from his rejection.

She wanted to cry, to wail, to shout at God, Fate, and any other entity she could blame for the pain she was in right now.

She called Adam and asked him to pick her up at the airport, and she begged him not to bring Sue. That witch was someone she’d hurt if she gave her one snide stare. Adam hadn’t asked a single question, just said he’d be waiting for her. For that, she was grateful.

The flight home was difficult. She barely kept it together.

When the plane landed and they were hustled inside, she found Adam waiting in the baggage claim area.

She threw herself at him and burst into tears.

As soon as she saw his familiar face, the dam broke.

He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close, murmuring nonsense.

She cried so hard, and he just stood there and let her.

“Come on, Lils,” he said softly after a long time. “Let’s get you home, okay?”

Instead of taking her back to the dorm, he took her to the small apartment Mike and Janet shared.

They were both there when Adam opened the door, but she ran past them into the bathroom.

Standing was too much effort, so she lay down on the floor, her cheek pressed to the white tile that smelled like Pine-Sol.

She couldn’t breathe. She tried taking deep breaths, but she couldn’t breathe.

It hurt too much. Tears slid over her nose and landed to puddle in front of her eyes on the harsh tile of the floor.

The door opened, and Adam came in. He didn’t say anything; he just lay down next to her.

His hand found hers, and he laced their fingers together.

Her sobs shook her, and she couldn’t stop them. Her entire body cried out in denial; her soul felt like it had been torn in half. She missed him, and he hadn’t been gone for more than a few hours.

Adam rolled and pulled her into him, his stomach against her back, and he held her while she shook from grief and her sobs robbed her of breath.

Adam held her while she cried, not saying a word, just holding her to let her know he was there and that she was loved.

She appreciated that more than she could say.

Her sobs quieted, and she stared at the white plastic of the small tub in front of her.

She wanted to feel numb, but she didn’t.

Every breath, every movement hurt. Never had she imagined losing Nikoli would hurt this much.

She felt like she was the one who’d been in the accident this morning.

Her skin felt raw, her lungs burned, and her heart… her heart was just broken.

She was broken.

“You look like shit.”

Nikoli raised blurry eyes to see his brother standing above him. Kade took a seat across from him at the table. The waitress came over, and he asked for a beer. “What are you doing here?”

“Luther called me. Said you’d been drunk for the last week and you wouldn’t listen to him.”

Luther needed to mind his own damn business. Liquor numbed the pain.

“What has gotten into you?” Kade continued. “You’ve never been much of a drinker.”

That was before he lost the one person who really mattered to him.

“Go home, Kade.”

“No, I’m not going home.” He thanked the waitress as she set his beer down in front of him. “What the hell is wrong with you? Are you seriously binge drinking because of some chick?”

“You don’t know a thing about Lily.” He winced at the slur in his voice. “You don’t understand what I did to her.”

Kade’s eyes sharpened. “Nikoli, you didn’t do anything that can get you in trouble, did you?”

Nikoli snorted. “No.”

Relief swept over Kade’s face. “You need to pull yourself together, little brother.”

“I love her.”

That made Kade shut up. His mouth opened and closed, but no words came out. A look of determination came over his face after a moment.

“Then why the fuck are you sitting here, drunk off your ass, instead of with her?”

“You know why.”

Kade flinched. He did know why.

“She’s not Jessica.” Her name still brought a scowl to both their faces.

Jessica Frasier. Her name left a bad taste in Nikoli’s mouth.

The summer before he started Boston University, he’d gone to spend time with Kade in Virginia.

Jessica had been his brother’s girlfriend.

Blonde, beautiful, and a manipulative bitch at heart.

She’d started to flirt with him the day he’d arrived.

Kade had told her how proud he was of Nikoli for what he’d accomplished, had told her about Nikoli’s business.

His brother had been in love with her.

It hadn’t mattered to Nikoli. The woman had convinced him that she loved him after a few weeks there, and he’d believed her.

He’d been young and stupid, and he’d almost ruined the relationship between him and Kade.

It still wasn’t what it was, but they’d both realized soon after who Jessica really was at heart.

Nikoli had hurt his brother, had taken what was his and never looked back.

Maybe the pain he felt now was karma’s way of paying him back.

She’d demanded things from Nikoli from the beginning, and he’d obliged her by buying anything she wanted.

He’d left his brother’s apartment and had been staying with Jessica.

He’d come home one day and overheard a conversation she was having with someone on the phone.

She’d been gloating about landing the rich brother, laughing while she told whoever about how she’d convinced Nikoli he loved her and about how she was now set for life.

Realizing what she’d made him do, he’d simply walked out and gone to find his brother.

He’d been so ashamed of what he’d done to his brother.

He’d confessed to Kade what he’d overheard, and Kade had forgiven him.

Jessica manipulated them both. The experience had skewed their expectations of women.

Neither of them had had a relationship that lasted longer than an hour since then.

Jessica ruined him. Nikoli thought he’d loved her at the time. He understood the difference now. He knew the difference between lust and love. He loved Lily, but he’d lusted after Jessica and in the process had almost lost his brother. It would cause any sane man to pause.

“Nikoli, you know I’m the first person to advocate bachelorhood, but I think you need to get over it and go get your woman back.”

Nikoli’s head snapped up. Kade sat there sipping his beer, looking all sage and wise.

“The day I met her, I knew you were sunk. The way the two of you were together…there was a connection there. I went home thinking my little brother found his one.”

Nikoli was shaking his head before his brother even finished speaking.

“I can’t.”

“ Brat , you’re sitting here so drunk, I don’t think you can stand up. Luther says you’ve been like this all week, blowing off classes, and angry at the world. If you love the girl, you need to own up to it.”

“I told her I didn’t love her.” Nikoli downed the shot of tequila he’d just poured. “She said she loved me, and I sat there and broke her. Her face…” He closed his eyes at the memory.

“I’m sure if you talked to her?—”

“No,” Nikoli interrupted his brother. “It’s better this way.”

Kade didn’t say anything after that, but the look of disgust he gave Nikoli spoke volumes. Yeah, he was stupid. He knew that, but he was terrified.

Kade asked for his bill and paid Nikoli’s tab as well. “Let’s get you home. If you want to destroy your chance at happiness, brat , go for it, but I’m not letting you binge drink anymore. If I have to call every bar in Boston to cut you off, I will.”

Nikoli barely remembered Kade hauling him up. All he could think about was Lily.

It was better this way.

It was.