Page 19 of Touch Me Not (Manwhore #1)

“Yeah, Lily Bells, it’s funny as hell.” His grin only made her more furious, but he didn’t care.

“Trust me, Kincaid, I’m not stepping foot in there until you buy some new furniture.”

“You’re serious, aren’t you?”

“Dead serious.”

“How would you even know if it’s new or not?” he asked.

“I’ve been to your apartment before,” she told him smugly.

“When?”

“Remember when I tutored Luther?”

He groaned. Luther had been embarrassed about failing one of his classes last year, and Lily must have come by the apartment to help him. She knew what the furniture looked like. Dammit. He was going to have to spend money.

“Fine, I’ll buy some fucking new furniture. Happy?”

Lily smiled. “Yes, very.”

“How happy?” he asked, moving closer to her.

Her eyes narrowed. “Not that happy.”

He stopped moving and studied her for a moment. She looked nervous, but the fear and panic from last night weren’t in her eyes. He wasn’t stupid enough to think it couldn’t rear back up if he pushed too hard. All the progress he’d made today would be lost if he didn’t do this just right.

“Come here, Lily.”

“Why?” She took another step backward.

“Come. Here.” He put more force into his words, into his voice.

Lily frowned but shuffled closer. “What do you want?”

“Here.” He pointed to the spot right in front of him. “Don’t make me ask again.”

He fought a smile at her indignant expression. She didn’t like being told what to do. At all. She moved to within inches of him, though, despite the anger radiating off her.

“Was that so hard?” he murmured.

“Depends on why you decided to go all alpha male.” Her eyes were warier than they had been a minute ago.

“Patience is only a small part of helping you, Lily,” he told her solemnly. “The other part is dominance. You need rules and structures to completely heal.”

Her eyes narrowed, and he held up his hand to stop her before she said anything.

“Last night, you were a mess, Milaya , crying and nearly going into a panic attack at the thought of my hands on you.”

“And?”

“And do you feel that way today?” he asked gently. “Do you feel anxious being this close to me? Do you need to run, to hide, or to flinch away from my touch?”

A soft gasp fell from her lips.

“The answer is no, Milaya . I didn’t give you choices today.

You spent the day with me, dressed exactly as I wanted you dressed.

I helped you decide to touch me by trapping you, distracting you so you couldn’t panic.

I set the rules for our outing today, and you are stronger, more confident now because of those rules. ”

“I…I’m not sure what you want me to say.” Her eyes were full of questions and uncertainty.

“I don’t want you to say anything, Milaya ,” he said, his voice firm. “I just want you to stand perfectly still and remain silent. Don’t move, and keep your eyes straight ahead.”

He studied her profile. She was nervous, but not nearly as nervous as when Adam left.

Deciding to take a chance on pushing her, Nikoli walked over to her closet.

She had it partially open, and he’d seen several scarves.

He selected the thinnest one he could find.

He had much more suitable ones at the apartment, but this would have to do for now.

Lily trembled. She could hear Nikoli behind her rummaging through her closet.

She’d heard the sliding door squeak as he pushed it out of his way.

Why was he in her closet? The urge to look was strong, but she fought it.

Honestly, she was almost afraid to look.

She closed her eyes and shifted from foot to foot.

She wanted to laugh at the absurdity of the situation.

The campus manwhore was in her room, giving her crazy orders, and she was obeying.

Why? No clue other than she’d never been in a situation like this before, and she was curious.

Curious enough to tamp down her own fears for a few minutes.

She felt him standing behind her. Heat radiated from his body into hers.

If she stepped back half an inch, she’d hit his chest. Her muscles tightened, panic creeping up.

She fought hard to stand still, to not give in to her growing unease.

Her phobia had the ability to rob her of everything in seconds.

She’d been happy, even laughing a few minutes ago, and now she was beginning to feel afraid. She hated herself sometimes.

“Shh, baby,” Nikoli whispered, his warm breath blowing on her ear. She shivered in response, an instinctive reaction. “I’m going to put a scarf over your eyes.”

“What? No!”

“Be. Still.” His voice wasn’t harsh, but it held a definite command that her body obeyed. “Breathe,” he told her. “I’m not going to touch you, Milaya . I promise.”

Lily’s hands started to shake, but she forced herself to remain still as Nikoli’s arms rose up on either side of her. She saw one of her favorite wool scarves come up then gently cover her eyes. He stepped away from her so he could tie the ends together.

“Easy, katyonak .” Nikoli’s voice came out soothing, but there was still a command in it. “This is about trust. I told you I wouldn’t touch you, and I won’t.”

Could she trust him? He’d given her no reason not to trust him, aside from his sneak attacks, as he called them.

They didn’t even bother her anymore. She’d stopped flinching about two hours into the drive this morning to pick up the car.

It was then she’d realized she was starting to trust him.

She shouldn’t, had no reason to, but oddly, she did.

Maybe she just needed to trust him. Needed to have faith she could get better, that he could help her do it.

Believing it was entirely different from trying to convince her body of it.

She felt him move away from her, heard him walking around her room. What the hell was he doing? Her nerves were strung taut, and she strained her ears to try to hear him. Where was he? Her mattress squeaked, and she turned in that direction.

“Did I say you could move?” he asked, his voice full of authority and displeasure.

Lily groaned. She wasn’t sure if she liked this side of Nikoli, but she had to admit her body reacted to it.

It clenched up in all sorts of places it shouldn’t.

Her nostrils flared, and she realized her hands had stopped shaking.

Other nerves were crowding her right now, ones that had nothing to do with her fear of being touched.

“Did I?” he asked again, an edge of irritation in his voice.

“No,” Lily whispered, trying to understand what she was feeling but failing miserably.

“Back to your position, Milaya .”

Lily frowned but turned back to facing the wall opposite her closet.

Nikoli stood, and she heard him walking again.

Anticipation flashed through her body, and it only served to confuse her further.

Her heartbeat sped up when she felt him in front of her.

He was close. She could smell his aftershave.

It invaded her senses, causing her breath to get a little more labored.

Why was he just standing there?

His breath tickled her ear. “Do you still want me to touch you, Milaya?”

DEFCON three exploded in her senses. Her brain said no, but her body said yes. What was happening to her? Every nerve was alert, waiting expectantly for him to touch her. She craved it.

“Answer me.”

“I don’t know,” she almost wailed. She didn’t understand anything happening to her right now.

“Shhh, Milaya ,” Nikoli soothed. He knew he couldn’t push her too far.

This whole thing had been about trust. “Your entire body is quivering. Not shaking in fear, but quivering in excitement, anticipation, and you’re confused.

That’s perfectly okay. I’m going to remove the scarf now. Hold still for me.”

He carefully untied the scarf, letting it fall from her eyes.

Her gaze swept up to look at his face, and his lungs refused to expand.

The blue was darker, but they were sleepy, filled with desire.

He could see the confusion on her face, but he sensed her excitement in the way her body reacted to his nearness.

He forced his hands to stay at his sides.

“Better?” he asked softly.

“I…I don’t know,” she answered honestly. “Why did you do that?”

“Trust,” he said simply. “I wanted to show you that I can be trusted. A woman is at her most vulnerable when she cedes control to a man. You needed to understand that I don’t take that trust lightly. I promised I wouldn’t touch you, and I kept my word.”

She gave him a hesitant smile.

“Do you want to talk about how it made you feel?” he asked. “You weren’t expecting to feel anything but fear, were you?”

“I’ve never done anything like that,” she whispered. “I’ve read books like that. When a woman gives up control and willingly lets a guy hurt her…”

“Did I hurt you, Lily?” he interrupted, his voice hard and unyielding. He wouldn’t let her think this was like those cheesy erotica novels about BDSM. It wasn’t. He didn’t hurt women for kinks. He liked control, yes, but to do some of the stuff he’d seen in the clubs he frequented? That wasn’t him.

“No,” she admitted. “It’s just when you said you were going to cover my eyes, I thought…” She shook her head. “I’m not that girl, Nikoli, a…a submissive. The one who lets a man take advantage of her, hurt her, use her for his own satisfaction.”

“You’ve got a skewed perception of the lifestyle,” he said. “It’s not about hurting a woman or using her. It’s about satisfying needs, about trust and respect.”

“But how is it about respect when you take away someone’s control?”

“Lily, you obeyed the commands I gave you today. Why?”

He watched a myriad of emotions cross her face as she tried to articulate her answer.

More than anything, the part of him that was the dominant alpha male wanted to hold her, to tell her it was okay, he’d take care of everything, but he couldn’t do that with her.

She needed to come to grips with her own fears first.