Page 49 of Total Creative Control

Staring at Aaron felt simultaneously awkward and the most natural thing in the world. Maybe, Lewis thought, as his gaze ran over Aaron’s lightly muscled body, that was because he looked at Aaron all the time. His face, with his smiling grey eyes and expressive mouth, the scattering of freckles over the bridge of his nose, and the single dimple in his left cheek, was as familiar to Lewis as his own. And when their gazes met, the communication was always instant—they’d been talking without words for years, thank you very much, Hippolyta.

Aaron chewed his bottom lip—a familiar gesture—and Lewis felt a sudden heaviness in his cock. Not being a horny seventeen-year-old, he willed it away, but still… The reaction shocked him. Made him wonder whether last night had short-circuited some of his customary defences, leaving him exposed.

“Now turn your gaze inward, to your own body. Do you feel resistance?” Hippolyta’s shadow fell over them. “Do you feel pain? Good. Go deeper into it, interrogate the pain. Within your trust bubble, you’re safe to explore painful feelings without judgment. You’re free to allow your body to speak when your conscious mind cannot.”

Aaron’s expression turned from awkward to decidedly unhappy. Lewis rolled his dodgy shoulder, wishing he’d had time for that massage yesterday. His shoulder had given him grief for as long as he could remember, and he rubbed at it, an inexplicably anxious thrum resonating in his chest. He felt a little nauseous.

Fuck, hehatedthis bullshit.

“Now I’d like you to touch your partner,” Hippolyta said, hoving into view behind Aaron. “Not intrusively, and with their consent.” She held out both her hands, then pressed them together. “Let’s start with palm to palm. Reach out to your partner. Greet them with your body.”

With an eye roll, Aaron lifted one hand palm out, as if stopping traffic. Under Hippolyta’s approving gaze, Lewis mirrored the gesture until his palm touched Aaron’s. Eyes locked, Lewis felt his breathing speed up, saw Aaron’s chest labouring too. And then, Aaron’s hand softened, his fingers slowly moving until they were interlaced with Lewis’s. And despite his racing pulse, Lewis felt his anxiety ease. He pulled in a deep breath through his nose, trying to disguise how much he needed it.

Aaron’s touch was a comfort, he realised.

“Very good,” Hippolyta said in her low, breathy voice. “Now, in the safe space between you, express to each other what you see. Where are your partner’s resistance points? Where are they holding pain? Place your hand there, guide them to it.”

For a long, heavy moment, neither of them moved. Then Aaron lifted his free hand, hesitating before laying it gently over the sore point between Lewis’s neck and shoulder. His touch was warm, his fingers strong, and Lewis felt an immediate, intense wash of relief. Helplessly, his eyes fluttered closed as he breathed out a silent sigh. It was an unexpectedly powerful reaction, and he felt a weird upsurge of feeling. Ofgratitude. He couldn’t explain why.

“Allow your partner’s touch to open your mind to the resistance within your body,” Hippolyta went on. “Explore that resistance. Where has it come from? What is its root? Is there something there you would like to let go?”

No. Lewis tensed. No, he couldn’t do that.

Instead, he focused on Aaron’s warm fingers, on his thumb moving lightly against Lewis’s neck. Soothing. Comforting. Arousing? Yes, he felt the faint stir of desire in his blood, the prickle of goosebumps along his spine, the weight in his cock. But those were familiar sensations. Safe and comfortable in their way. What shook him was the unexpected churn of emotion, offeeling, that wouldn’t go away. Where the fuck was it coming from? He didn’t know.

He sucked in a breath, mortified at the way it shuddered.

Aaron’s grip tightened. “Lewis?”

“And remember,” Hippolyta said mildly. “You can step out of the bubble at any time. Take some water and fresh air.”

“Not necessary over here,” Charlie piped up in a breathy voice. “God, Mils, that’sexactlythe spot.”

Opening his eyes, Lewis found Aaron watching him, brows stitched into a frown, silently asking,Okay?

Lewis nodded, belatedly realising that their hands were still joined and had come to rest on the mat between them. He was holding Aaron’s hand. He hadn’t held hands like that with anyone since his mother—

A stab of pain, sharper than he’d felt in years, made him pull back. He pushed the pain savagely aside, tugging his hand free of Aaron’s grasp.

Aaron’s other hand fell away from his shoulder, his wide-eyed gaze concerned.

“All right,” Hippolyta said from behind him, “we’ll leave it there for now. We’re going to come back together as a group to share our first paired experiences. Please, everyone, move out of your trust bubbles and form a circle.”

It must be skipping breakfast, Lewis thought.Low blood sugar or something. Because he felt weird. Anxious and breathless. The faint nausea from before was back too.

What the fuck was wrong with him?

He tried to shake it off as he stood up and sipped his water, but he was finding it difficult to look at anyone. Except Aaron. And thank God Aaron was sticking to him like glue, following him into the circle and sitting close enough that their knees touched where they sat cross-legged on the floor like kids in school assembly. Shamefully, Lewis realised he needed that contact. Needed the tether of Aaron’s presence to keep him from washing away.Fuck.

“Who would like to share first?” Hippolyta said, tossing her dreads over one shoulder.

“Me!” Milly’s hand shot up.

Hippolyta didn’t look surprised. “Thank you, Milly. Please, go ahead...”

“Well, first,” Milly gushed, “I want to say how literallyamazingthis has been, Hippolyta. Thank you.” She performed a practised namaste. “I mean, I knew it would be enlightening, but honestly, I feel like I’ve learned more in the last hour than I did in three years at Oxford.”

“And what is it you’ve learned today?” asked Hippolyta. “Can you expand on that?”