Page 103 of Total Creative Control

To put it mildly. How the hell was he supposed to discuss the intricacies of Skye and Faolán’s relationship in front of a room full of people when his heart felt like it had been through a cheese grater?

“You’re braver than me,” Lewis said, setting his tea on the table and standing up. “I hate those fucking panels.”

“I know.” Aaron rose too. “But I usually enjoy them. They’re fun.”

“Well, that’s because you’re…” Lewis trailed off, and they watched each other across the coffee table. Lewis said, “Look, I really am sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt—”

“Don’t.” Aaron held up a hand to stop him. “I’ve said what I wanted to say, and so have you. We both know where we stand, so let’s just...move past this, okay?”

Lewis swallowed, his throat bobbing. “Right. Yeah.”

And that was that. The End. Fade Out.

All at once, a wave of grief washed over Aaron, grief for himself and for Lewis. For the hurt and damaged little boy who’d lost his mother, for the grown man who didn’t believe he could care. And for the relationship between them that might have been something, but now never would.

Turning away, Aaron said gruffly, “Why don’t you find your stuff? I’ll get you an Uber.”

It only took them five minutes—Lewis hadn’t had much with him—and then they were standing awkwardly at the door to Aaron’s flat.

Lewis held Skye’s trenchcoat over one arm, fiddling with it as he said, “I guess I’ll, uh, see you at the office?”

“Sure.”

“Maybe we could…?” He trailed off, apparently at a loss.

“Yeah,” Aaron said thickly. “Maybe.”

Lewis nodded. “Well, I should…” He gestured towards the door.

“Yep.” Aaron checked his phone. “Your ride’s almost here.”

Neither of them moved. And because this was the end, the last time they’d share this awkward intimacy, Aaron leaned forward and brushed his lips against Lewis’s stubbled cheek, lingering just for a moment to feel the warmth of his skin for the final time.

“One day, I hope you realise that you can have everything you want,” he said roughly. “And that you deserve it.”

Lewis had no response to that.

After he’d left, Aaron went to the window to watch him climb into the Uber. At the last moment, Lewis glanced back, and Aaron lifted his hand in farewell.

He waited until the car had driven away before he let the tears fall.

Chapter Twenty-Five

Lewis

London streamed past, but Lewis saw nothing. Felt nothing.

Or, rather, he felteverything.

Raw, emotionally flayed, he didn’t even know how to start processing the last twelve hours. His night with Aaron, how he’d felt as they’d fucked… No, notfucked.

What, though?Made love? He made a face—it was a phrase that made him want to retch—but yeah. That was more like what they’d done.

He leaned his head back, closing his eyes, remembering how it had felt to have Aaron open and pliant beneath him, looking up at him with those beautiful, trusting eyes. Giving himself, laying himself bare, letting Lewis see how much he wanted him.

The same way Lewis had wanted Aaron.

The same way he’d always fucking want Aaron.