Page 96 of Too Far

That’s the rub. Because it’s no longer an option.

Decker destroyed us.

He broke my heart, and he shattered all of us in the process.

A muffled sob escapes me, and in response, Nicky holds me tighter.

As yet another deluge of tears escapes, I resign myself to giving up on that dream. There’s no use in crying over it. There’s no sense in yearning for something that’s not meant to be. The five of us will never be together again. Decker will make sure of it.

“Nicky?” I sniffle.

He remains silent, but he squeezes my hip, so I know he’s listening.

“What’s it like to always hurt?”

For a moment, I’m not sure he’ll answer the question, but finally, he clears his throat. “Hopeless. It feels fucking hopeless.”

Another sob racks through me.

I knew he wouldn’t sugarcoat it, but to hear the reality spoken out loud like that makes me so queasy I might actually vomit.

“But it doesn’t always hurt the same. Some days the pain is less intense. Some days the sun shines a little brighter.”

“I just don’t know how to go on,” I confess into the dark.

It’s a truth I can’t reveal to Kendrick. If I do, he’ll want to comfort and console me until I’m better.

It’s a candidness I won’t share with Kylian. He’s been just as deeply affected by Decker’s rejection as I have.

I can talk about it with Nicky. No one understands pain quite like he does.

“Adjust your expectations, Hot Girl. Keep chasing the light. Savor the good days. Accept the new standard for what decent, good, and great all mean.”

It’s good advice.

It doesn’t temper the all-consuming, ever-present ache in my chest.

Determined to focus on the rain pattering on the rooftop, hoping it will clear my mind, I let out a sigh and wrap his arm around me.

I doubt I’ll sleep at all, but I owe it to myself and to my guys to try.

As his breathing slows, I caress his forearm, ghosting my fingertips over his warm, smooth skin. Keeping my voice low, I ask, “Do you ever forget just how good it felt before the pain set in?”

He inhales, then releases a shuddering breath. “No… Never.”

Chapter 44

Josephine

“Whatareyouworkingon?” I can’t help but smile at the way Kylian aggressively types on his tablet. He’s sitting on the other side of the table in my uncle’s home, and he’s got his phone out, too. Every few seconds, he refers to it, then the typing starts up again.

He startles, as if I’ve caught him off guard, but he doesn’t take his eyes off the screen. “A personal project. It’s something I’ve been working on for a while.”

“Oh, I assumed it was something for the team,” I muse, turning back to the business writing assignment I’m slogging through.

A clattering sound in the office breaks my concentration. When it continues, loud and chaotic, Kylian peers up over the rims of his glasses and raises one eyebrow.

It’s Jeannie, my uncle’s assistant.