Page 87 of Too Far

The same defeat that’s ensnared Nicky washes over me. All I can do is nod.

“Where are you sleeping tonight?” K asks.

“She’s staying in here with me.”

No one bothers arguing with Decker. None of us have any fight left in us right now.

Kylian’s on his feet again, standing tall in the middle of the bathroom, arms crossed over his chest. Once the others clear out, he peers down at Decker and me. “I’m not going to take my meds tonight,” he declares.

“Yes you are,” I counter.

Kylian takes medication to sleep. The last time he chose to not take it—the days immediately after the disastrous Charter Cruise—he was up for three days straight.

“I need to stay up and watch over you. I need to know you’re okay.”

“Youneedsleep,” I argue. “You were on that boat, too, Kyl. We all deserve a chance to recover.”

He sits beside me and cups my face with one hand. “You want me to leave?”

No. Yes?

My mind is scrambled and blank at the same time.

“No, Kyl. I just… I—I…”

Shit. I blow out a breath while I search for the right words. I don’t want to hurt him. I don’t want him to think I’m pushing him away. But I also can’t turn off the urge to take care of him—of all of them—despite being in no position to do so.

I’m so close to slipping into a panic attack I can’t tell up from down.

I don’t want to break down in front of Kylian, Kendrick, or Locke. They lived through the situation right along with me. They don’t need a reminder of what we survived tonight. Just like none of us should be saddled with the responsibility of looking after each other. Not now.

We need to recover. We need a chance to process what the fuck is going on, and to figure out how we can ensure a situation like that never, ever happens again.

Decker hauls himself up and looms over us. “I’ll take care of her, Kylian. I swear.”

Frowning, Kylian looks up, his eyes narrowing. “If she needs me—”

“I want to stay with Decker,” I finally articulate. “If I need you, I’ll text you. I promise.”

Kylian’s shoulders sink, and he averts his attention, but it only takes a moment for him to press a kiss to my lips and rise to his feet.

“I love you,” he tells me as he makes his way out of the bathroom.

“I love you, too,” I mumble, closing my eyes.

The exhaustion running through me is bone deep and widespread. Maybe sending them away is the wrong call. Maybe it’s exactly what I need. If I was clearheaded, maybe I’d have the right answer. I just know I can breathe a little easier when I’m not so worried about keeping it together in front of the guys.

What just happened—how and why, the terror in the moment, and the reckoning of the consequences had we not gotten back to the isle safely—it’s all too much to process.

Fear and dread wash over me in waves. Just as one ebbs, another crashes down. The anxiety continues on like this, cresting higher and higher.

This isn’t the first time an incident like this has occurred on Lake Chapel. That isn’t lost on me.

Neither are the ramifications or the realization that despite his absence on that boat, Decker will likely be the one most affected by tonight’s tribulation.

Chapter 38

Josephine