Page 121 of Too Far

At least not anymore.

“And if I don’t want to be the golden boy of anywhere or the future prince of anything?” I cross my arms and lift my chin. I look like a petulant child, I’m sure.

Kendrick, naturally, takes it in stride. With a nod, he considers me.

Few people in my life have known me as long as K. He’s seen it all, and he’s stood by my side for years. Our paths have always run mostly parallel, our lives routed on the same course. We’ve been dreaming of going pro, with the hopes of eventually playing together again, since our days with the Little Dukes U-12 team.

“Want to know what I thought about during the nine hours I was locked up last month?” he hedges.

We share matching smirks. He didn’t even sit in a cell for a full day.

“I thought about how I stepped in for Locke and how, no matter the consequences, it was worth it. All of it. I had faith that you and Daddy Genius would figure it out and I wouldn’t be in there long—”

I cough out a shocked laugh, but Kendrick scowls, shutting me down before I can hound him for calling Kylian “Daddy” anything.

“Don’t ask,” he mutters. “Anyway, I came to terms with what was, and I decided I could accept whatever happened next, as long as it ended with her.”

Sighing, I scrub my hand down my face. “So you’re allowed to make sacrifices, but I’m not?”

He tsks. “A sacrifice is a choice you make for the greater good, Cap. It’s not stubborn, bullheaded, arbitrary action that benefits no one in the end.”

Balling my hands into fists in my lap, I glare, collecting my words, ready to argue my reasons yet again.

He doesn’t give me the chance. “Who are you helping by pushing her away? What sort of life do you envision for yourself these days, without her, without us? One where it’s your dad and Misty congratulating you after games? One where there’s an occasional warm body and nameless face in your bed, but you fall asleep alone each night?”

“Of course not.”

“Then what? I, for one, can’t imagine my life without that woman. But obviously, you can. So what does your version of the future look like? It must be good if you’re working so damn hard to preserve it.”

His words hang between us while I put myself through mental gymnastics trying to visualize what my futuredoesentail if I stay on the current path.

I used to relish the idea of following in my father’s footsteps: fully stepping into the spotlight, carrying on the Crusade name in the world of professional football.

Now, when I consider the next six months, the next year, the nextanythingwithout her, all I taste is bitterness.

The draft. Training season. My first professional game. My first pro win.

None of it holds any appeal if I have to go it alone.

“If this isn’t what you want anymore, then figure it out. There’s always an alternative. An answer. An option that allows you to push reset and start over. People you know—people you love—have done it with a lot less certainty on their side.”

Josephine’s accusation from last night ricochets through me.

She called me a coward. She was right.

“What if it’s too late?” I groan, my heart sinking in my chest. So much is already in motion. My career is a freight train barreling toward the future. A future, I’m realizing, I don’t even want. Not without my boys by my side. Not withouther.

Kendrick doesn’t give me an answer, and he doesn’t let me wallow in self-pity. Instead, he lobs another question my way.

Gripping the back of his chair, he leans forward and locks eyes with me. “What are you willing to give up to prove it?” He pauses, raising both eyebrows. “If it all went away tomorrow—football, the deals, the money—would we be enough? Would she be enough?”

“Yes,” I reply without a millisecond of hesitation.

“Then there’s your answer.”

I scoff. “That doesn’tsolveanything.” I’m so fucking frustrated I could scream.

K holds up both hands. “You’re right. It doesn’t. But you don’t need to know the solution to have your answer. The solution is what we figure out together, Cap.”