Page 80 of To Scale the Emerald Mountain

Kraeston nods slowly. “That makes sense. Locane wanted you to remember some things where Alec was involved in order to serve his purposes. He was meticulous.”

We’re silent for a few minutes before Kraeston asks if I have any other questions for him, and I tell him no—too drained and raw to properly think. Kraeston bags our mountain of uneaten food and leads me back outside. We mount our horses and make our way back to the palace silently.

I can’t decide if I feel better or worse than before we left.

I sleep for most of the day after Kraeston and I return to the palace.

A couple times, I wake up and roll over to see a new item on my nightstand, indicating someone has been in here. The first time, there’s a large glass of water and a ripe banana. I chug the water, ignore the banana, and roll over to go back to sleep.

The second time, I go to my bathing chamber to relieve myself. When I return to bed, a small vase with white jasmine spilling over the edge catches my eye. Next to it is another glass of water and an apple with a small jar of peanut butter—right next to the untouched banana. I stare vacantly at the obvious suggestion before I get back into bed.

I’m roused from fitful sleep by a light knock on the door. The blankets are wrapped around me in a constricting manner, and I’m covered in a sheen of sweat. The sky is darkening outside, and my mouth is parched. Untangling myself from the blankets takes work before I nestle back in, ignoring my visitor. I face the window with my back to the door and curl into myself, rolling my body into a tight ball.

A second knock comes, louder this time. “I am coming in.”

His voice is like warm silk being pulled over powdery sand.

Light from the hall illuminates the stone wall and refracts off the colored stained glass of the windows. The light closes to a sliver before disappearing, and the door snicks shut softly. My eyes squeeze closed.

Alec’s footsteps are soft and slow. Deliberate. They stop when they reach the bed, and I wait on bated breath before the mattress dips next to me when he sits. I try to swallow the ball of panic lodged in my throat.

Last night, I let Alec hold me while I cried, unable to fight the overwhelming need to have his closeness. I had no real control over my reactions—no fight to shy away from him, too engulfed with my grief and my pain to be aware of anything else. Today is different. The burn of shame that has threatened to take over during my waking moments rears its monstrous head in Alec’s closeness.

“I know that you are awake, Ellya.” He’s missing the pain that laced his words last night, his tone smooth and calm. I don’t move. I say nothing. “I know that you are upset with me.”

Reliving my anger now is superficial in the grand scheme of everything else warring within me.

Alec stands and rounds the bed, too quick for me to readjust before he’s facing me, pushing my hair back from my face. “I am so sorry, Ellya. You have no idea the sea of regret I am swimming in. I failed you.”

A single tear slips through my closed lids, and he brushes it away with a gentle, calloused thumb.

I’m the one who’s a failure.

True—Alec and Nana should have made me aware of what I might face, but that mistake doesn’t erase all their effort in teaching me to fight for myself. All their time and energy wasted when it mattered most. I’m not filled with the strength I had always thought that I was—that Nana and Alec had thought I was.

“Please, open your eyes.” Alec brushes my cheek softly again. Ungluing my eyes, I reluctantly do as he asks and peer up at him through swollen lids. Adoration and care shines brightly in Alec’s lively brown depths.

Just as a wave of calm starts to wash over me in his presence, my vision warps and suddenly I’m no longer in the bed of this warm and peaceful palace. I’m in a different bed with a face so similar, but so cruelly different, looking down at me with a sneer.

I gasp and scramble back, nearly falling off the bed.

As quickly as the scene before me shifted, it returns to my bedchamber in The Capital. Alec is beside me with concern washing over him. “Elly, what is wrong?”

Blood exits from my nose, the warm liquid coating above my lip. The sight of the nosebleed isn’t surprising to Alec as he reaches into his pocket and produces a square of black cloth. He reaches to dab it away, but I flinch, and he stops immediately. Hurt flashes in Alec’s eyes, so quickly I wonder if I saw it at all. He instead extends the cloth for me to clean myself.

“Are you frightened of me?”

A metallic tang hits the back of my dry tongue, making me queasy. “No,” I answer him honestly. “I’m just having a hard time reconciling what’s real and what isn’t.”

Alec nods his understanding. “I do not know how much time it will take for the effects to diminish. To be under someone’s control like that for so long is unheard of. Please, know that I am here for you, my clove.”

“Why do you call me that?” I ask curiously, remembering when I got angry about him using the term of endearment right before everything turned upside down.

Alec chuckles. “I have called you that since you were a child.” He sits back down on the edge of the bed, watching me hopefully.

“But—why?”

A small smile graces his lips, and my heart soars at the lovely sight.