Page 142 of To Scale the Emerald Mountain

“Have you seen him again? Since the night I came back?” I ask quietly.

Alec exudes such deep sadness, making my heart drop. I swallow my suffocating guilt for refusing to be there for him these last weeks; for not taking into consideration the heartbreak he was experiencing over his brother’s betrayal.

“No, I have not. I have been waiting until you know what you want to do with him.”

Another tear slides free. “I pushed you away because I didn’t think I deserved your care or forgiveness. I’m sorry.” Although I don’t say it, the apology isn’t for pushing him away at all, but for my actions.

Alec hears the apology for what it is. “You did nothing wrong, Ellya.”

“You didn’t… You didn’t see it?” I’m barely able to ask.

“No,” he answers firmly.

Knowing that Alec didn’t witness the encounter, I can imagine where he assumed it ended. “I am still a virgin,” I whisper, barely audible in the serene room.

Alec’s hands against my head still. “You are?” His surprise is evident.

I turn to glance at him. “We didn’t do… that.”

“It would not have mattered if you had.” Alec kisses my forehead. “But thank you for sharing that with me. I admit, I had assumed the worst.”

“I’m also sorry for not considering you and what you have been going through. I’ve been selfish.” My shoulders loosen, relaxing into Alec’s care again.

“You have not been selfish. You have been surviving.”

“But what about you? Have you been surviving?” I ask.

Alec moves to the side of the tub to face me fully, easing the strain on my neck. I run my fingers through his damp strands.

“When you were gone, I was barely surviving. The night Locane took you to the house, I was there. We arrived minutes after you, Kraeston and I. Just outside the wards. I could smell the blood he spilled to keep you hidden. I was feral and raging and shredded my hands to the bones trying to break through.” He holds up his hands, studying the knuckles that I now see are scarred white.

The ominous cloud of birds screaming in the sky and the terror induced by the sight skip across my mind.

He was there.

“I was unaware at the time that you no longer knew of me at all. Your light was barely living inside me, and I could not follow the tether that ties us together. I have never felt so useless, at such an important time. I will never forgive myself for being unable to reach you. I failed you in so many ways.” I grab his hand and hold it tight, trying to convey through touch the words I can’t find within myself to say. “I am more than surviving now, seeing your lovely face every day.”

I narrow my eyes at him suspiciously. “I haven’t seen you every day, Alec.”

He kisses my hand before he picks up the towel, unfolds it, and holds it out for me. “But I have seen you.” My eyes dart between him and the towel and he smirks. “I will close my eyes.”

Alec closes his eyes—and turns away for good measure—while I exit the tub and allow his warm hands to envelop me in the towel. I wrap it securely around myself before he opens his eyes, and he sits me on the stool he was previously occupying.

Alec starts working at drying my hair with a second towel before finding a wide toothed comb to run through my wet and tangled hair. “I should have known Cescily would take you to Makhoi when she schemed her way into taking you out.”

“That was my idea. And I’m glad she schemed. I needed a change,” I tell him.

He runs the comb through one more time before setting it down, wrapping my hair around his fist, and pulling my head back to look at him.

I gasp with the sudden, dominating movement, and a small smile tilts my lips.

“Not that my opinion on your hair matters in any capacity, but I fucking love it,” Alec growls.

He abruptly releases me, stands, and walks into the bedchamber.

I work to catch my quickened breath before donning my robe and joining him.

CHAPTER FORTY