Page 165 of To Scale the Emerald Mountain

Alec rises gracefully to his feet and steps over the mess I’ve just made on the floor.

“Forgive me. I was under the impression you were fond of that particular command,” he tells me with a blank expression.

I rear back and slap him as hard as I can, the snap of my palm colliding with his cheek straining my ears.

Alec turns his face back to me—so slowly—with a cold smile. “Do you feel better?”

I slap him again, and he takes it willingly. His lack of reaction infuriates me further. I ball my hand and pull back to punch himin the nose. He catches my fist before the blow lands and pins it easily behind my back, making me bellow in fury.

“You were angry before I spoke crassly.” Alec grabs my other wrist and pins it too. “Why do you want Locane to live? Kraeston told you weeks ago that I was waiting for you to say the word, and it would be done. I have been waiting, this whole time, for you to demand his death, to get your justice. And you have not. You—who have no qualms with killing people who have simply displeased you.”

Alec bares his teeth.

“And when I tell you that I have made the decision to execute him so that he will never be a threat to you again, you are angry with me?” His resentment permeates the air, the heaviness of it constricting my chest. I try to break loose from his grasp, but he holds tighter. “Why?” he screams in my face, and I momentarily balk.

“What does it matter?” My question is a sad attempt at deflection. I know that it matters, but I can’t shake this aching regret.

Alec’s right: I did enjoy ending the life of a person who I know at my core was innocent, easily justified her death with empty reasons. But the thought of the man who kidnapped me—held me captive and abused me in multiple ways—the man who completely shattered everything about me and my meticulously planned life being put to death brings me overwhelming dread.

“I don’t know.” My voice is unsteady. “I don’t know why the thought of him dying brings me such sorrow and regret. But it does.”

Alec exhales a ragged breath through his nose, bathing my face in his scent. “He cannot be fixed, Ellya.” His words are accusing and cold.

He releases my hands and begins walking to the door. “I will see that you have an escort to wherever you wish to go.” His tone is distant, his shoulders tight.

Alec pushes the handle of the door down and pauses, waiting for me to stop him.

I should stop him. I’m screaming at myself internally to do so.

But I don’t.

His shoulders sag before he leaves, slamming the door hard behind him, rattling a picture free from the wall. I flinch as it shatters.

Sitting for several long minutes, I try to ease the tremor of my hands and the churning of my stomach. I hang my head in my palms and rub my eyes.

The last several days have been so blissful and filled with happiness. Today was supposed to be a special day that we had both been looking forward to, but the sweet excitement that clung to me earlier has slipped away.

I can’t even find it within myself to worry about the guards who have gone missing and the one who has gone mad. Or that Rahleigh has been seen in the city recently. But that gnash of jealousy that always accompanies her name doesn’t disappoint.

Screaming, I kick the bottom of my foot at the desk, and it shifts several feet. Cursing the Mother, I rub the bottom of my foot. The kick was sloppy and a sharp pain shoots up my arch. I limp a couple steps of penance towards the door as the pain slowly eases.

I am breaking my promise to Alec—my promise to not pull back into myself while pushing him away. I don’t know why I got so upset. Instantly, I regret my reaction. Thinking about the way Alec opened up to me so vulnerably about his brother, the pain he carries over their decimated bond now, only fuels my regret.

I rub my eyes and straighten myself before leaving.

As promised, there are a handful of guards waiting for me to exit. They bow before falling behind me as I begin to walk back to the residence. I consider finding Alec. I consider throwing that beautiful dress in the hall because my own ugliness is unworthy of the gift. I consider curling up in bed and sleeping through the celebrations; sleeping through my birthday; sleeping through it all.

Instead, my feet lead me to Nana’s chambers.

I knock, and her gentle voice gives me permission to enter. She’s packing a large trunk, folding the last stack of her trademark purple dresses before closing it and securing the straps.

“Oh, Elly.” Nana’s smile falters when she sees my expression. She pauses, brows meeting with concern. “What’s wrong?”

Plopping down on her bed, I fall back, groaning loud as I cover my face with my hands. “I’m afraid I’ve backslid into old habits today.”

She stops packing to sit next to me, grabbing my wrist and pulling my hand away from my face. “What happened?”

I inform her of my dismal conversation with Alec while she strokes my hair like she always has when I’m upset. Nana had already heard about the ordeal with Locane and his guards. She asks me if she should postpone her departure on the ship to Brhadir tomorrow. I shake my head no, telling her I’m ready to get all this moving—whether Locane is in play, or not.