Page 41 of To Love a Monster (Oaths & Obsessions #1)

Lila

The helicopter blades cut through the air as we fly over miles of thick forest. Just beyond the trees, nestled like a secret waiting to be discovered, is our new home.

The mansion comes into view slowly. A long, winding driveway just beyond iron gates, stone walls and large windows. I lean into the glass, my jaw hanging open as I take it all in. “Oh. My. God. Is this it?”

Nikolai doesn’t say anything at first. He just nods, calm and unreadable. His eyes stay on me, not the view, like he’s more interested in my reaction than our new massive house. There’s a faint smirk on his face, like he’s enjoying every moment of my reaction.

I can’t stop grinning. “Matteo really outdid himself. This place looks like something out of a movie.”

“This wasn’t Matteo.” he states simply, sounding a tad bit offended.

I blink, thrown. “What do you mean?”

His gaze drifts to the window as he speaks, “I bought it. For you.”

I whip around to face him, blinking fast. “Seriously?” I’m shocked. I knew Matteo had loads of cash but never stopped to think that perhaps Nikolai was pretty well off himself. “Your job must pay really well, huh?”

A lopsided smirk slowly starts to spread across his face. “We do okay.” He shrugs like it’s nothing, but the gleam of pride in his eyes says otherwise. A few moments later the helicopter touches down with a soft jolt.

We climb out and make our way to the front doors, they’re heavy and carved from dark wood with intricate inlays I don’t recognize but instantly love. Nikolai pushes them open and cool air brushes against my skin, clean, crisp, and faintly scented like pine and lemon-scented polish.

I step inside, and for a second I forget how to breathe. Marble floors stretch in every direction, pale and smooth beneath the soft patter of my boots. Sunlight spills in through massive windows, catching on glittering chandeliers, sleek wood, and a staircase that curves toward the second floor like something out of an interior design magazine.

My eyes drift over crown moldings, matte black finishes, the sharp symmetry of minimalist luxury. Everything is just ... perfect. Not too loud and cluttered, not too cold. Just clean. Bold and absolutely beautiful.

“This is insane,” I whisper, turning in a slow circle. “Like, magazine-cover insane. Did you hire a designer?’

He tilts his head slightly. “Some things were custom.” I smile and reach for his hand, lacing our fingers together as we walk. Room by room, he shows me what he’s built for us. There’s a spacious kitchen with matte countertops and warm wood cabinets, a sunken lounge with a fireplace built into the wall, a sleek office, a small library that smells like old pages and fresh leather.

But it’s when we reach the end of the hallway upstairs that he slows. “What’s in here?” I ask, fingers still wrapped around his. He gives me a grin and pushes the door open. And I swear, my heart stops. It’s an art studio. A real fucking art studio just for me.

It’s filled with hardwood floors, tall ceilings and a skylight. The entire far wall is glass, giving me the best view of the seemingly endless forest. There’s a wooden easel set up already, a wide table with brushes, tubes of paint, charcoal, pastels, all arranged neatly like they’re waiting for me. Shelves along the wall hold blank canvases in every size. There’s even a deep basin sink in the corner with a raw linen apron hanging beside it. I take one slow step inside. Then another. My throat tightens. “You did this?”

He nods once and steps closer, his voice steady. “Back at the safehouse, you kept looking out the window like you were searching for something. Your hands would twitch, like they didn’t know what to do without a brush. You didn’t have to say anything. I just knew you were missing it.”

I turn back to him, heart full to the brim. “How did you even know what to get?”

He opens his mouth to answer, but I don’t give him the chance. I run to him without hesitation, without thought, and throw myself into his arms. My mouth crashes against his, hard and fast, all tongue and heat and gratitude. I’m not just grateful for the studio, I’m grateful that he paid attention.

That he was able to listen without me having to speak. No one’s ever done that for me before. No one’s ever cared enough. When I finally pull back, my chest is heaving and I press my forehead to his.

A throat clears behind us and I almost jump straight out of my skin as I pull back from Nikolai and whip around. Tess is standing in the doorway with her arms crossed, one brow arched the way it usually does when she’s pleased with herself. “Well, damn. Good thing I came in when I did otherwise, I might’ve been scarred for life!”

I laugh, flushed and breathless. “Tess! What the hell, how are you here?” She grins, sauntering in like she owns the place. “He called me last week. Told me he wanted to surprise you and that he needed help figuring out what kind of brushes wouldn’t insult your entire soul.”

I blink at Nikolai, stunned. “You really asked her?”

He shrugs. “Apparently, it was the right thing to do. She made it quite clear that you’d murder me if I bought you cheap supplies.”

Tess throws an arm around my shoulder and squeezes. “Sure did. He did good, though. Didn’t even flinch when I said the good stuff costs as much as a small car.” I laugh again, feeling light in a way I haven’t in years. Like maybe, finally, I get to have this. A full life.

I glance back at Nikolai, overwhelmed. “This is... I don’t even have words.” He steps forward and pulls something from his pocket, a sleek black card, polished and heavy. He presses it into my palm. “This is yours,” he says, his voice even. “To make the rest of the house yours, too. Whatever furniture you want, whatever paint, whatever makes this space yours.”

I stare down at the card like it might vanish if I blink too hard. “You’re giving me full creative control? Are you sure you want to do that?” I say teasingly.

He nods, smiling down at me. “Yup. Go wild, baby.”

“Even if I want to cover the entire living room in dark red and velvet?” His mouth twitches, barely holding back a grimace. “If you must.”

“Oh, I must,” I say, grinning playfully. “And I might throw in a floral wallpaper moment, maybe even some gold leaf accents.” He exhales like I just threatened national security. “Okay, now you’re testing me.”

I tilt my head, smirking. “I have to know where the line is.” He leans in, voice dropping. “Decorate the place as you wish, but if you paint a single wall pink, I’m setting it on fire.”

From behind us, Tess snorts. “God, it’s like watching two teenagers try to settle down and play house. You’re disgusting. I love it. But anyway, enough of this. You’ve had her for weeks and we have some major catching up to do so I’m stealing her for a few hours.”

“Oh, Tess.” I groan. “We just got here. Can it just wait a few days until we’ve settled?”

She gives me a pointed look. “No. Not a chance, princess. You disappear without a word, come back with a fucking mansion, a black card, and a man who looks like he runs an underground empire. You have some serious explaining to do, babe.”

I glance at Nikolai, unsure if I should be leaving, if that’s even allowed right now. Tess clocks it instantly and snaps her fingers in front of my face. “Don’t look at him. He’s not invited.”

Nikolai meets my eyes, then glances at Tess before giving a small nod. “Go and have fun. Just make sure you take your phone.” His tone is calm, even, but the message underneath is clear. That phone has the tracker. He’s not just saying stay safe, he’s making sure they can find me if something goes wrong.

“You’ll be okay?” I ask quietly, my hand resting on his chest like I’m not quite ready to leave him yet.

“I’ll be here,” he says simply, his eyes never leaving mine. His voice is steady but there’s something in the way his fingers brush over mine and before I can place the emotion that flashes behind his eyes, he leans in without a word and kisses me.

It’s not rushed, not intense. Just slow and sure. His mouth moves over mine like he’s memorizing it and I kiss him back with everything I have.

When he pulls away, he doesn’t say anything else, just rests his forehead against mine for a second before stepping back.

Tess huffs. “Okay, ew.” She grabs my arm again, more impatient this time. “Let’s go before he changes his mind and locks you in a tower.”

I glance back one last time and he gives me a small smile, quiet and unreadable.

****

The sun hangs low when we finally stop. Tess and I collapse into two wicker barstools on the patio of a restaurant that overlooks the bay. The sky’s a blur of pink and orange, the water glowing with its reflection. We’ve spent the whole day bouncing between high-end showrooms and tucked-away little shops I never knew existed, picking out headboards, tables, couches, and obnoxiously expensive kitchenware.

My body is tired, my arms are sore, and I’ve never felt so high. Two cocktails hit the table, hers neon, mine blood orange, and she raises her glass. “To rich, scary boyfriends and their unlimited black cards,” she says. I laugh, the sound slipping out easier than it has in a while. “To full creative control and velvet couches Nikolai’s going to hate.”

We giggle and clink glasses. Tess leans back, studying me over the rim of her drink. “Okay, now that we finally have a moment to relax ... spill. I want to know it all.”

I take a long sip, buying myself a second. “What do you mean?”

She gives me a flat look. “Don’t play dumb. One second you were freaking out over being watched and the next you just vanish. No texts, no updates, nothing. Then I hear that you’ve met the love of your life and you’re disappearing for a few weeks and then bam! You show up with him and a new mansion in the woods, acting like this is all totally normal. FYI, it’s not! So explain. I’m waiting.”

I set my glass down slowly. “It’s not as dramatic as it sounds.”

Tess arches a brow. “Oh, really? Because I’m pretty sure you were on the verge of losing your mind because you thought you were being stalked.”

“Okay, maybe a little dramatic,” I admit. “But it wasn’t what I thought at all. Obviously, otherwise I don’t think I’d be here right now.”

She leans in, curiosity shining in her eyes. “Okay, so what exactly happened? You had everyone spinning back here.”

I pause, glance at the waves in the distance, then shrug like I’m brushing off a storm. “He moved into the place close to mine like we figured. I guess I just freaked out when I thought he was watching me. But when I went over there, it turned out he was just ... curious. New town, new neighbors. And, yeah, I jumped to conclusions.”

“Okay, and then what?” Tess asks.

I roll my eyes and smile. “And then he invited me in. We talked. It was weird ... but kind of electric and from there everything just happened really fast.”

She narrows her eyes, like she’s trying to figure out whether or not I’m telling the truth. “That’s a hell of a jump from ‘I think he’s stalking me’ to ‘let’s move in together and get matching bath towels.’” I laugh, but it’s thin. “Yeah, well, life’s short, right?”

She holds my gaze a moment longer, then finally backs off. “Okay. But if he turns out to be a mob boss or something, I want a heads-up.”

“You’ll be the first to know,” I say, lifting my glass again.

****

The drive back is slow and streetlights spill across the road as Tess winds us through the hills.

The car is full of bags, receipts, and the smell of overpriced candles. My body aches in the best way. Sore feet, tired arms, cocktails still warm in my veins. I can’t wait to get back to him. Tell him all about my day and just get lost in him again. I’d been texting him throughout the day, mostly to tease.

You’re going to hate this couch.

Found a headboard that looks like it belongs in a mafia palace. Naturally, I thought of you and bought it.

Hope you’re emotionally prepared for gold fixtures in the guest bathroom.

But there was no reply. At first, I figured he was busy. But after the third message, I began to feel uneasy, but I just brushed it off.

He said he’d be there when I got back and that was enough for me. Now, as Tess pulls up to the gates, I smile to myself as they slide open and I step out of the car, arms filled with shopping bags.

“I’ll come check on you in the morning,” Tess says, throwing the car in park. “But seriously, try to prepare your man for all the velvet that’ll be arriving tomorrow.” I laugh and give her a quick wink. “No promises.”

I wave her off as she drives away and I walk up to the front door humming to myself. I unlock it and step inside. The silence that greets me hits harder than I expect. I lock the door behind me and place the bags on the floor. The house is still. There’s no music, no footsteps, no Nikolai coming to greet me. I drop my bag by the entry table, toe off my boots, and call out casually, “Nikolai?” But there’s no answer.

I walk into the kitchen, expecting to hear the low hum of his voice, the soft click of a cabinet door, anything. But there’s nothing. My phone’s still in my hand and I glance down. No new messages. My last text was sent two hours ago and is still left on Read.

I set the phone down and reach for the bottle of wine I brought back with me. Something red, smooth, and slightly overpriced. We were supposed to celebrate the start of our new lives together tonight. I pour a glass, trying to shake off the quiet. “I got the chandelier,” I call out, forcing lightness into my voice. “The dramatic one that looks more like a weapon than a light fixture. It’s coming tomorrow.”

I lean against the counter, sip the wine and wait but there’s still nothing. My eyes flick across the room and stop when I see a folded piece of paper sitting in the center of the island. My name is written across the front in his handwriting. Sharp, clean and steady. And my stomach drops, the edges of the room blur for a second as the air leaves my lungs. I don’t move, I just stare at it. Like if I wait long enough, it’ll disappear. Like maybe this is some type of fucked up joke.

I step closer, slow and numb. Each footstep sounds too loud, too hollow. My hand hovers over the note. It’s just paper. Just ink. But it feels like touching it will split me in two. When I finally pick it up, my fingers are shaking. My chest is tight and cold dread coils around my ribs and squeezes as my eyes fly over the words.

My dear Lila,

You once told me you didn’t want to be saved from me. That you wanted to drown in my darkness. But I want so much more for you than that. More than just surviving in my shadows. More than learning how to breathe underwater. You deserve a life that isn’t built on blood and ruin. The only way I can give that to you is by leaving for a little while.

You’re safe now. The house, the guards, the security, all of it. I made sure of that. But protection doesn’t end at walls and cameras. Not with who’s still out there. You and I both know that peace built on constant fear isn’t peace at all. As long as I’m beside you, they’ll keep coming. Hunting. Waiting for the right moment to take what I love.

I promised I’d do whatever it takes to protect you. And this... This is what it takes. If there were another way, any other way, I’d take it. If I could keep you safe without leaving, I would. If I could hold you and hunt the ones who want to hurt you, I’d never let go.

But I can’t. It’s not just Annalise. There are others. Men who watched. Men who helped. Men who stood by and waited to buy you and do God knows what. I’m going to find every last one of them. And I’m going to end them.

I just can’t do that from here. So I’m cutting the cord. Not because I want to but because I have to.

I don’t know how long this will take and I don’t know what I’ll look like when it’s over. But if there’s still a future for me on the other side of this, I’ll find my way back to you. I don’t know if you’ll take me back, or if you’ll ever forgive me for doing this. For leaving. For disappearing. For letting you wake up in a life we were supposed to build together, without me.

I hope you understand that I’d rather live knowing you hate me and you're alive ... than stay and risk losing you for good. I hope you understand that I’m doing this for us. So that we can have a real future together.

But until the day comes where that is a possibility for us, don’t look for me. Try to live, little lamb. Laugh and paint. Goodbye for now.

I love you always.

— Nikolai