Page 35 of To Love a Monster (Oaths & Obsessions #1)

Her eyes flick down, then back up. “But I know the part of you that doesn’t flinch at blood.

The part that breaks things just to see if they scream.

The part that needs to be matched, not coddled.

” She smiles, sweet and cruel. “Lila could never touch that side of you. Not like I can and you know it.”

For a second, I don’t move and don’t speak.

Her voice drips into the cracks of old memories like acid, eating through the places I thought I’d sealed shut.

She always knew where to dig, what nerve to press next.

And this? This is the blade she’s always been best at twisting, reminding me of what I used to be before Matteo pulled me out of that goddamn pit.

Before I ever learned how to want something clean. Something real .

She thinks I’m still that man, that monster she helped mold with pain, praise, and promises she never planned to keep. And maybe part of me is, maybe part of me always will be.

But Lila? Lila sees the wreckage and stays.

She walks into the fire without knowing where the exit is and still dares to love what could burn her.

She doesn't want to own me, doesn't try to use me. Annalise will never understand that because people like her only know power when it's held by the tip of a knife, and I’m done being a weapon in someone else’s never ending war.

“You think she understands you? What you are?” she continues, laughing quietly. “She wouldn’t survive a day in the kind of world we built together.”

“Is that what this is?” I ask, voice low. “You lured me here just to reminisce?”

She tilts her head. “I invited you here to remind you of who you are.” Her smile turns soft. “You think that little plaything of yours is worth risking your life for? You think she’d still want you if she saw what I saw? If she knew the real you?”

Her eyes gleam as she takes another step, slow and deliberate. “I still have your tags, you know. From that night. The ones that were ripped from your neck while you were half-dead. I kept them.” A beat. “Under my pillow for months.”

Something in my gut twists. “And you really think Matteo rescued you after suddenly finding out where you were?” she breathes, her eyes narrowing.

“You think he didn’t know where you were for that whole year?

That he wasn’t waiting for you to break?

Oh, Nikolai...” She steps close enough that I can smell her perfume, jasmine and steel.

“He didn’t save you. He let me gut you first.”

I shake my head once, sharp, but she doesn’t stop. “You didn’t walk away from me,” she says, voice dropping to a rasp. “You walked exactly where I wanted you to. You think I haven’t been keeping track of you?”

She steps in close again, her eyes glittering. “Every job you took, every city you moved through, every name you took that wasn’t yours. You were never free of me, Nikolai. You were just walking the perimeter of a leash you didn’t know I left around your neck.”

I exhale through my nose, slow and controlled, but I can feel the heat rise in my throat. I refuse to give her the satisfaction of seeing me react. A long beat stretches between us as the wind kicks up across the roof, sharp, dry and ice cold.

Then I say it, my voice low and steady. “She’s not like you.” My gaze meets hers like steel on ice. “That’s why she matters more to me than you ever will.” Something in her expression shifts but I’m not finished.

“She doesn’t use pain to control people, doesn’t twist love into a weapon.” My voice roughens but I don’t break eye contact. “She looks at me like I’m worth saving, even when I know I’m not. And somehow ... she makes me want to be more than the monster you trained.”

A flicker of something carves through Annalise’s mask, something sharp and possessive. “She touches me like I’m not broken,” I push. “Not a project, not a pawn. Just a man. Just hers .”

I let the silence hang for a breath. Then finish with, “You could never do that. Because you were too fucking busy trying to break me open and use me like a puppet.”

Annalise’s smile falters, just for a second.

“She’ll never survive this world, Nikolai.

Not like I did. Not like you did. Especially not with blood like hers.

Do you honestly think she’s built for this?

That being with you will save her rather than destroy her?

” Her voice is cool now, a smirk playing on her lips.

“She’s too soft, has a heart that’s too good for a ruined man like you.

You’re going to hold onto her innocence so hard that you’ll drag her to the grave yourself.

Maybe you want to believe that good conquers evil, that she’s the one who can save you from yourself but we both know that’s not reality. Not in our world.”

I don’t respond but I don’t look away either.

Then she’s leaning back in, just slightly.

Enough for me to feel the quiet threat in her words.

“And being Matteo’s daughter?” Her eyes flash.

“That makes it worse . I’ve made sure that she’s a prime target, a symbol of power.

And believe me when I say that every power-hungry bastard in this game wants to be the one to own her.

Kill me and there will be others. Kill them and there will be more.

There’s no way to end this without me, Nikolai.

” She lets the silence stretch, then delivers the final blow.

“Without me, she doesn’t stand a chance. Her life? It’s in my hands and mine alone.” Her hand lifts, palm open. “Come with me. Stand beside me again like you used to and I’ll keep her alive. Walk away?” Her smile returns, slow and cruel. “And you know exactly how this ends.”

The rooftop hums with tension. Annalise’s eyes gleam in the dim light. She’s too calm, too still. And that smile, the one that used to unravel me from the inside, is tighter now as the first crack of a footstep echoes behind us.

Then another. Her expression doesn’t shift but her posture does. Almost like a predator catching scent of a hunter in the wind.

I step forward. “It’s over, Annalise.”

“You poor thing,” she says softly, and this time there’s pity in her tone. “You still don’t get it. It’s not over until I say it is.” Then the air splits.

Flash . Bang .

The rooftop erupts into light and chaos.

I hit the deck on instinct, my vision flaring white.

The sound is disorienting, leaving my ears ringing and my lungs gasping for air.

Through the haze, I catch movement of black shapes flooding the rooftop edge.

Matteo’s team floods the floor fast and trained but Annalise is already moving.

Smoke curls at her heels and as she twists there’s a glint of steel at her side. A coiled rope attached to what looks like a grappling hook snaps to life and she backs up to the edge of the building.

I lunge, my hand outstretched but she’s faster.

She jumps and then she’s gone. By the time I reach the ledge, the rooftop is a mess of boots and tactical radio bursts but there’s no sign of her.

Just a trail of smoke, and a single, glinting token left near the chair.

A tarot card, The Lovers, bent at the corner and burned on one edge.

Behind me, someone calls out my name and I turn to see Matteo pushing through the smoke, his rifle slung and jaw clenched. “She got away,” I spit.

“We expected that,” Matteo says, his breath tight. My hands curl into fists and rage claws its way up my throat, hot and sharp.

“Then what the hell was this?” I snap, stepping in close.

“You had her right there. You saw it, she was exposed! She should be dead!” Matteo doesn’t flinch, doesn’t match my fire.

He just stares me down with that quiet, infuriating calm that used to make me want to hit something when I was twenty and reckless.

“It doesn’t matter,” he says simply, and I stop cold, my whole body going still. My jaw locks, teeth grinding so tight I hear the pressure crack.

“The hell it doesn’t.” I take a step towards him. Not threatening, but just enough to make the atmosphere around us shift. My hands are still shaking, knuckles raw, blood crusted from where they split against the cabin floor.

Annalise got away. Again . And he’s telling me that doesn’t matter?

“The objective tonight wasn’t her.” His voice is even and controlled. Like he’s briefing a mission post-op, not standing in the wreckage of everything I just barely held together. “The objective was to get you and Lila.” He turns back to me, gaze locked. “And we got both.”

Something inside me, tight and ready to snap, just .

.. stills. The words hit but they don’t register, not fully.

Not yet. We got both . My mind repeats the words like they’re in a language I haven’t heard in years.

My lungs seize, one breath in, none out as I open my mouth, but nothing comes out. Not at first.

“Lila?” Her name shreds its way out of me like it’s made of glass. “You have her?” Matteo sees it. The question hovering just behind my eyes, the one I’m too fucking afraid to ask. His expression softens just barely, enough to fracture the ice running through my spine.

“She’s alive,” he says quietly. “We got her out before you even made it to the roof.” Relief slams into me like a hit to the ribs.

And right behind it fear. Because alive doesn’t always mean okay.

It doesn’t mean she’s safe, not really. So I have to ask, “Is she—” My voice breaks and I try again.

Closing my eyes and balling my fists like it’ll give me strength.

“Is she okay?” Matteo exhales slowly, then nods toward the car. “Why don’t you come see for yourself?”