Page 32 of To Fall or Not to Fall

“Please tell me you’re not calling Theo Winston a prince.”

“Maybe I am. Maybe I’m not. Only you can make that decision. I need to go now, darling. I have a?—”

“A what?”

“Pickleball competition.” She chuckles. “I do more than play pickleball. I actually have a cribbage game coming up, and my cake is nearly done, so I’ll talk to you later.”

“Yes, Granny.”

“And maybe tomorrow I’ll even see you with the love of your life.”

“I wouldn’t count on it.”

“I love you, darling. And please stop crying.”

“How did you know?”

“You’re my granddaughter. I know you. It’ll be okay, though. Give Popsicle my love. Toodles.”

She hangs up, and I just stare at Popsicle. Her head rests on the pillow, her wide eyes fixed on me.

“Would you like a daddy, Popsicle?” I ask her. Her head tilts to the side, then to the other side, as if she were truly considering it.

“Would you like to live in New York City?”

She turns her face away, and I laugh. “Yeah, I didn’t think you were a big-city dog.”

With a sigh, I lean back, scrolling through my phone until I find the photo of Theo I’d screenshot from the company’s website. My heart pitter-patters as I stare at him. I still love him. And even though I am angry and sad, I still feel something that can’t be vanquished—and that is hope.

Hope that we might figure it out. Hope that he could be a good man. Hope that something between us could be salvaged. I don’t know what kind of relationship that will be, but the thought makes me smile for the first time in a while.

Before I even realize what I am doing, I grab my phone and call him.

He answers on the first ring. “Ava. Hi.”

“Hi,” I say softly.

“You called.” His voice is shocked.

“Didn’t expect that, did you?”

“No, not really. Is everything okay? You’re not telling me not to come tomorrow, right?”

“No, I’m not telling you that. You can still get on the plane.”

“Good,” he says. “Because that would suck.”

“I’m sure you could get a refund if you?—”

“I’m already here,” he interrupts.

“What do you mean? You sent me details of your flight.”

“I was nervous it wouldn’t get in on time, so I flew in today. I didn’t want to miss the fall festival. I didn’t want to miss seeing you, since it was my last chance to win you back.”

My heart races, but I don’t respond.

“Maybe I shouldn’t have told you that.”

“I’m not going to say anything, Theo. I just wanted to see if you were still coming. That’s why I called. Because if you weren’t, I was going to go with Arabella and Aria.”

“I’ve missed you,” he says quietly. “Like, a lot.”

“Okay.”

“I think about you every night.”

“What, do you masturbate thinking about me?”

“Really, Ava?”

“What? It’s a genuine question. I mean, I wouldn’t blame you if you did. We did have some hot sex, and I was probably the wildest ride you’ve ever ridden.”

“I was going to say those very same words,” he says with a laugh. “But no.” He chuckles again. “Fine… I’ll be honest. A couple of times, okay?”

I can’t stop myself from smiling, even as I blush.

“Are you mad at me? I just want to be honest with you from here on out.”

“I’m not mad at you. I would’ve been mad if you said you hadn’t.”

“Oh? Why’s that?”

“I don’t know. I just… like to be honest, too.”

“So, what are you up to right now?” he asked.

“I’m just here in bed with Popsicle.”

“But it’s the middle of the afternoon.”

"It’s rainy and gray, and I just wanted to relax.”

“Who’s at the bookstore?”

“Aria.”

“Oh, okay. Don’t tell me you didn’t know that.”

He chuckles. “You know me too well.”

“What do you mean?”

“I may or may not have walked past the bookstore a couple of times and done my best Sherlock Holmes spying.” He pauses. “But I didn’t see you, so then I knew you weren’t there.”

“Maybe, maybe not. Maybe I was in the back.”

“Maybe you were. It doesn’t matter,” he says quickly. “I look forward to taking you to the festival tomorrow.”

“I hope it’s everything you think it’s going to be,” I reply.

“You know what I’m grateful for right now, Ava?”

“No. What?”

“I’m grateful that I can hear the light in your voice still. I’m grateful I didn’t extinguish that.”

“Oh.” I didn’t know what to say.

“I was worried. I know I betrayed you, and I hurt you, and I just wanted you to know?—”

“It’s okay. You don’t have to keep telling me over and over again.”

“I do. Until you tell me that you forgive me.”

“Maybe I’ll never tell you that.”

“I hope that is not true.” He sounds sad. “I hope that you will one day understand that I never intended for this to go down as it did.”

“Why do you care?”

“Because I still love you. And I still want to be with you.”

“I can’t have this conversation right now, Theo. I’m sorry. I have to go.”

“Okay. I’ll pick you up tomorrow morning.”

“No, I’ll meet you at the festival.”

“But—”

“But nothing. I’ll be there around five p.m.”

“You don’t want to grab breakfast? Or lunch?”

“No. Thank you, though.”

“Always so polite,” he teases.

“I try. You have a good evening, Theo.”

“Thank you, Ava. I’ll be dreaming of you.”

I hang up because I don’t know what else to say. Right then, I stare at Popsicle, and she stares back at me.

“Do you want a daddy, Popsicle?” I ask again. This time, she licks her lips.

“Is that a yes?”

I jump out of bed. “Oh my gosh, what am I going to wear tomorrow? Oh my gosh, what am I doing?”

I run to the mirror and stare at my reflection. My skin is blotchy, a few pimples spot my face, and I haven’t been washing my makeup off properly. My hair is greasy.

I look awful. But it’s nothing a shower and a little makeup can’t fix.

“Ava,” I remind myself, “it doesn’t matter.” Maybe I want to look ugly so he leaves me alone. But that isn’t the truth.

I want to look the most beautiful I’ve ever looked in my life, because Granny is right: I do love him. And I do want to see if there is some way, some possibility, that it could somehow work.

But I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to forgive him. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to look at him the same.

What I do know is that, even if I turn him down one final time, I want to look hot as hell doing it. I want to be the one who got away. I want to be the one he regrets betraying.

Because even though I can be as sweet as sugar, I am still a woman. And I still want to feel valued.