Page 17 of To Fall or Not to Fall

Aria laughs and just shakes her head. “Or you can really think about just searching for the one. Remember what I told you?”

“What did you tell me?”

“I told you that the love of your life doesn’t necessarily have to be the man you find most attractive.”

“But I have to find him somewhat attractive,” I say, staring at her.

“Yeah, but that’s not—come on now.”

“I know what you’re saying. But if I don’t find them attractive whatsoever, it’s not going to happen.

Look, I am not na?ve. I know that Theo is not my happily ever after.

I know he’s not going to go with me to the fall festival.

He’s not going to come to Sunday dinners and impress my grandma.

And he’s not going to go to the Christmas bash in the town square, or to the lighting of the tree so I can show him off to Maribel Laribel.

“He’s not going to come to our high school reunion so that I can show Eloise that I got a more handsome man than her.

But… there’s something about him that just intrigues me.

He’s got such gorgeous eyes. And the way he smiles makes me feel like a million bucks.

And I can’t lie. He has a body to die for.

And when he touches me, I just feel like I’m on fire.

Like I’m the only woman in the world. When he looks at me, I feel special.

I feel seen. And I don’t know… there’s just something about him that draws me into him like a moth to a flame.

He makes me feel like a private investigator wanting to understand every facet of his personality. Which is really kind of ridiculous.

“There’s something about him that makes me think of the world as a larger space than just Coconut Beach.”

“But you love Coconut Beach,” Aria says.

“You say you never want to leave,” Arabella continues.

“I love it here,” I say, cutting her off. “We’ve grown up in the best little town in America. But that doesn’t mean there’s not a big, wide world out there. That doesn’t mean that someone like Theo can’t come along and sweep me off my feet and make me think of other places.

“It doesn’t mean that I want to leave. It just means that, hey, if he wants to take me on a weekend getaway to Italy to fuck me senseless, I’m not going to say no.”

“Oh my. You are totally falling for him,” Arabella says. She lets out a light sigh. “So if he called you tonight and he was like, ‘I want to take you to Venice next week and sweep you off your feet,’ would you go?”

“Well, I don’t know that I’d go next week,” I say, grinning. “Next week is the Cozy Coastal Bonfire Bash, and I’ve got to get ghost stories prepared, and s’mores, and sparklers, and hook up the singles of this town so that I can save the bookstore.”

I rub my forehead again. I can feel a headache coming on.

“But I don’t know if I’m going to do it, girls. So far, the matchmaking events are going well, but I’m not really making that much money. I’m not finding that people are really buying more books. I feel like?—”

“Don’t say it.” Aria comes and sits on my left side and grabs my hand.

“I’m just really nervous.” I take a deep breath.

Arabella sits on my other side and grabs my other hand. “It’s going to be okay.”

“What if it’s not? I haven’t wanted to scare you guys with how bad it is, but I’m running out of money. If I don’t figure out a way to raise a lot of money soon, I’m going to lose the store.”

“Have you thought about selling it before it comes to that?”

I shake my head. “I’m never going to sell out to a corporate bigwig. The last thing this town needs is some big, ugly, modern hotel. We don’t want to become another commercialized city that will take away everything we love. I can’t do that. I won’t do that.”

“But if you lose the store, who’s to say they won’t buy it anyway?”

I stare at my two friends and shrug. “I guess I’m just hoping for a miracle to happen.”

“We’ll think of something. We have to,” Aria says, nodding slowly. “We won’t let you lose the store. You love it. I love it. The town loves it.”

“I wish they loved it enough to spend their money there. Or at least more money. The matchmaking events… they’re just not going to cut it.”

“I have an idea,” Arabella says, jumping up. “I need to think about it, but I have an idea. Maybe something that will help.”

“What is it?” I ask.

“I don’t want to get your hopes up yet,” she says. “But let me see what I can do.” She grins at me. “It’s going to be okay.”

“I hope so.”

“It will be. And you know what? Why don’t you give your Theo a call?”

“He’s not my Theo.”

“Anyway, call him. Maybe have phone sex or something. Let out some of that anxiety.”

“What? Don’t say that. I’m not going to do that.”

“I’m just saying. They say when you’re feeling stressed out, good sex always helps.”

“I’m not going to sleep with a man I know is leaving town.”

“Who says you have to sleep with him?” she says. “You can just bounce around.”

“Oh my gosh. What?”

“Or at least let him go down on you. That’s just as good.”

“I’m not going to let him do that,” I say, laughing loudly. “I mean—not that he’s even offered.”

“If he offered, would you say yes?”

“Maybe,” I admit. “I mean, not that I’m going to ask him that.”

“Of course, of course,” they say, laughing. “But who knows? Maybe he’ll ask you.”

“Girls, shall we watch a movie?”

“Yeah, let’s do it,” Aria says. “Because if we continue talking about oral sex, I might have to go out there and find a man myself. Because it’s been a while for me, too.”

“It’s been a while for all of us. But you know what’s great?” I look at them, suddenly feeling lighthearted.

“What?” they say in unison.

I beam at them. “I have you two, my best friends. And we live together. And we truly get along. And I love you. And you know what? Even if I never have the man of my dreams, I’ll always be grateful that I have you both. And hey—vibrators and dildos were made for a reason.”

They look at me and burst out laughing. I laugh with them.

I sit back as Arabella grabs the remote and turns on the TV. I watch her scroll to a movie, and we watch it in companionable silence.

I am 100 percent sticking by what I say.

I’m so grateful to have them as my best friends.

But I can’t stop thinking about Theo and what he’s doing.

And if he’s thinking about me. Maybe I’ll go against every instinct I have and just let myself have fun with him.

Because what is the point of life if you’re not living it and just letting go?

Sometimes you can’t think about the future.

Sometimes you just have to think about today.