Page 29 of To Fall or Not to Fall

Chapter Twenty

T heo

There haven’t been many moments in my life where I’ve felt regret or shame. In fact, as I make my way to Ava’s house, I can’t think of any moments that have made me feel as bad as I feel now.

Part of me wants to laugh. She thought I was in a relationship, as if I had time for relationships in my day-to-day life. I am too focused on business and making money.

But now that I’ve met Ava and looked into her beautiful, warm brown eyes and felt the love that she has to give, I can’t imagine going back to a cold, calculated life.

But I don’t know if she will forgive me. I don’t know if this betrayal is worse than what she thought the betrayal was.

As I get to her house and wait for her to answer the door, I wonder how I can make it better. I wonder if she’ll ever be able to forgive me. I wonder if I can somehow come up with a time machine so I can go back into the past and tell her right away.

Or maybe I’d just go back to the past and never try to buy her business. Maybe I’d come to Coconut Beach for a vacation, because then I’d still get to meet her, and it would be under different circumstances.

“Hey,” she says, opening the door.

She looks at me for a couple of seconds and then waves me in. I go for the hug, but she doesn’t accept. I guess I deserve that, though. I was hoping that she would show me some sort of sign that she was open to what I had to say—that she wasn’t angry or upset.

“So you’ve been keeping something from me,” she says, her tone slightly cold.

I nod. “Shall we go to your bedroom?”

“No. We can go to the living room.” She shrugs.

“Are Ava and Arabella here?”

“Are Ava and Arabella here? Really?”

She glares at me.

“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry. I mean Aria. Sorry. I’m just so caught up right now. I’m just not even thinking properly.”

“It’s fine, Theo. Whatever is going on, please just tell me you’re not in a relationship, right?”

“No. I already told you that. I don’t have a girlfriend.”

“You’re not engaged? Or married? Or separated? I know men love to use the word separated like it makes it okay.” She glares at me.

“Ava, I’m not seeing anyone.” I stare at her. “I promise. I don’t even remember the last time I was in a real relationship.”

“Okay, so then what’s got you acting like this?”

“I’m not sure what you’re talking about.”

“I’ve seen how you’ve looked guilty a couple of times, how you haven’t been able to look into my eyes, how you’ve flinched at certain words I’ve said.

I wanted to ignore it because I thought maybe it was because you were uncomfortable that we were getting close.

I can tell you’re not someone who’s really used to relationships, but I thought that I was maybe making it up in my brain.

I didn’t want to be looking for issues where there weren’t any.

But you admitted to me there’s something you haven’t told me, and I feel like I need to know. ”

“Ava, I want to tell you. You don’t know how badly I’ve wanted to tell you. You don’t know how much this has been affecting me.”

“So then, tell me, Theo. What is it? If you’re not in a relationship and there’s not another woman, what is it?”

“I just want you to promise me that you’ll allow me to explain before you tell me to get out of here.”

She blinks rapidly. “It’s that bad?”

“I think so.”

I stare at her, trying to memorize every line of her face—her eyebrows, her lips, her nose, the way her cheeks curve. I grab her hand and run my fingers up along her palm to her wrist.

“What are you doing?”

“Just trying to remember you. In case this is the last time I ever get to touch you.”

“Theo, you’re scaring me. Is it really that bad?”

“I’m worried that you will think so.”

“I mean, if you’re not in a relationship with anyone else, then…”

“It was me. I’m the one who has been trying to buy the bookstore.”

“What?” she says, laughing, as if she doesn’t believe me. “You know we’re in fall, right? This isn’t April. That’s a silly joke. And it’s not funny.”

“I’m not joking.” I stare at her seriously.

Her face goes through a gamut of emotions.

“Wait, you are the corporation?”

I nod slowly.

“But what? No. You’re?—”

“My real name is Theo Winston. And I’m the CEO of?—”

“Don’t even say it.” She holds up her hands. “I don’t want to know. I don’t want to hear that name again. You came here under false pretenses. Did you come here to seduce me and steal my business?”

“No, of course not. I would never do such a thing. I just wanted to know what it would take to get you to sell. I just wanted to know if there was anything that we could do to persuade you.”

“So, what, having me fall in love with you and move to New York was the answer?”

“You love me?” I stare at her, my heart racing.

“No. I mean, maybe. But that doesn’t matter right now. I don’t love you. Not now. You betrayed me.”

“But you love me.”

“Forget I said it. You deliberately made me fall in love with you so I would sell you my business.”

“I would never do such a thing. I would never play with your feelings like that. When I came, I didn’t expect us to have this connection. I didn’t expect that we would go on these dates or that I would feel this way for you.”

“Did you expect to fuck me?” she says crudely.

And my heart breaks, because this is not the Ava that I love. This is not the Ava that is sweet and good and all things genuine.

“I’ve hurt you.”

“Well, of course, you fucking hurt me. I just found out that I have meant nothing to you.”

“Stop,” I say. “That’s not true, Ava. I don’t care if you hate me.

I don’t care if you never want to speak to me again.

But please believe me when I say, I came here to meet you, to figure out who you were, to figure out how I could convince you to sell.

Part of this business is about psychology, and you ignored us.

You turned us down, and I just wanted this hotel to go through so badly.

I don’t even know why. It’s not even a big deal for me. ”

“Exactly. You wanted to ruin my town and my life. And it’s not even a big deal for you.

It’s just more money in the bank of Theo—whoever you are.

More money that you don’t even need. This was my dream, Theo.

And you knew it. You knew it, and you still wanted to convince me to sell.

That’s why you kept bringing up my moving away or trying something new, because that was your way of trying to persuade me to give up my bookstore.

You never cared about me. What was I? Just an easy lay? ”

“I never would have slept with you?—”

“Oh, shut up. How can I believe anything you say?”

“The offers stopped, didn’t they?”

She stares at me for a few moments. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, you haven’t received any calls or emails or letters, right? About the offers?”

“No, but that’s because I told Jenna to get them to stop. I told her to stop because I didn’t know if I wanted to go through with it.

“So did you end the deal?” she says, glaring at me. “Did you call it off?”

“No,” I say honestly. “I didn’t, because I?—”

“Because you what?”

“Because I didn’t know if you were a good enough businesswoman to keep it afloat, Ava.

And I hate saying that. I don’t want to hurt your feelings, but you can’t give away pumpkin spice lattes and donuts and muffins and books just because someone accidentally hurts themselves or trips or had a bad day.

You’re not a charity. You’re there to make a profit. ”

“So you think I’m a shitty-ass businesswoman?”

“I don’t think that. I just think about business in a different way than you do.”

“You think I’m a shitty-ass business owner, and that’s why I needed your help. Because I wouldn’t have survived without you. Is that what you’re saying?”

“That’s not what I’m saying. But I wanted to keep that door open in case you really needed the deal to go through. I didn’t want to see you bankrupt. I didn’t want to see your grandma bankrupt.”

“Well, thank you for thinking of me, Theo. Did this thought occur to you before or after you screwed me ten million different ways?”

“I wouldn’t say I screwed you ten million different ways—or even ten million times,” I offer with a smile.

But she doesn’t smile back.

“I understand why you’re upset.”

“You understand why I’m upset? I feel like a fool.

Here I was, thinking that we had this connection, this spark, that we had this normal, organic chemistry, and it was all an act.

You were just pretending to like me, pretending to want to get to know me, pretending to share with me so that you could get into my head, into my psyche, so you could take my business from me. ”

“That’s not what I was doing. I never anticipated falling for you, Ava. I never anticipated falling in love with you.”

She rolls her eyes. “Yeah. Okay. You love me.”

“I know you’re not going to believe it now, but?—”

“But what? You’re right. I don’t believe you. You fooled me, and you slept with me. And when I told you I was thinking about moving to New York, you were like, shit, this girl is in way over her head, and I don ’ t want her to move there. So let me tell her so that it doesn ’ t happen. ”

“No. I would love for you to move to New York City in a heartbeat. Tomorrow.”

“Yeah, right.”

“I mean it. If you were to tell me right now that you wanted to catch the first plane, we’d be on it.”

“Yeah, except we both know that’s not going to happen, so it’s easy for you to say that.”

“I understand why you’re hurt and why you feel betrayed, because you’re a good person, and I’m not.

It pains me to know that I have led you on with this lie.

There have been so many times when I wanted to tell you.

And I know this means nothing. I know that you probably won’t believe me, but I do love you.

And I’m sorry that I lied. And if I could somehow figure out how to get a time machine, I would change everything. ”

“Yeah. Okay.”

“Let me help you. I told you that I wanted to help you figure out a way to?—”