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When I lived with my dad, he would bring me paints, brushes, and pencils every month. When I wasn’t watching TV, I was trying to paint and draw the characters.
Carter really helped me get better at those things. He was the most helpful person in my life. He made a small art room in the apartment for me and went with me to every pottery class. I wouldn’t know what to do without him.
He helped me get my high school diploma. It was hard at first because I didn’t know how dumb I was until I learnt how little I knew.
I was embarrassed, and I was thankful for my therapist at the time because I was too ashamed to talk to Carter about it. But Carter, being Carter, figured it all out.
I remember crying my eyes out when he told me I wasn’t stupid and would never be stupid in his eyes. Those words were so simple, but they were just what I needed to hear.
“I just don’t get how you can get so close to a man like that and not bag him right away,” Sophia said, sounding like she was thinking about my Carter in a s****l way. I clenched my jaw and accidentally smeared my creamer leaf. “Don’t you worry that he might get a girlfriend?”
This is why I wish Carter had never come into the store months ago. I didn’t like how much these girls talked about him.
He was my Carter, and nothing will change that.
~ ~ ~
I yelled, “What’s up, bitch? Your best friend in the whole world is here,” when Tessa came into the shop, ready for our lunch date.
I said, “Sophia, I’m going to have lunch now.” I took off my apron and grabbed my purse, then ran around the counter to say hello to my best friend.
Tessa and I have become very close over the past two years. Carter always made sure I was safe and getting better in every area of my life. Tessa always made sure I had a good time. She made me feel like a rebellious teen, and I loved that she told me to be myself.
“Are you ready for our lunch date?” Her blue eyes, which were a lot like her brother’s, sparkled in the dim light of the cafe, and I missed him. I’ll text him when I get to the restaurant.
We held hands and walked down the sidewalk to this cute little lunch spot that had the best Caesar salads. Even though it was lunchtime, we got there and were seated right away. I got my salad, and Tessa got a double cheeseburger and steak fries. We always ended up sharing our food, so the junk food and healthy food were well-balanced.
“So I was thinking—”
“Well, that can’t be good,” I said, and then I started to laugh at my own joke.
“Whatever. Like I said, my coworker told me about this new club that just opened and it’s the place to be. They also have the best burgers, I guess.”
“Oh no, I’m not going to a club with you,” I said.
Her pouty lips and platinum blonde hair made her look like a bombshell.
“But why not? Don’t you want to go out with me, your best friend in the whole world?”
“No Tessa. Don’t you know that everything that can go wrong will go wrong in a club? What if someone drugs me? Or what if you get drunk and leave with a guy and I’m stuck in the club with no way to get home? What if I go to the toilet and some sicko corners me and tries to touch my b****t?”
I could feel my anxiety getting worse, so I was glad when the waiter brought our food.
“I think you’re overreacting here, Amaya. Clubs have security guards, or at least the ones I go to do. And in real life, girls never go to the toilet alone. We don’t do it on a regular day, so why do it in a club?”
I cursed myself for even thinking about her offer as I bit my lip.
“Okay, imagine this: we get all sexy and you wear something tight that shows off those beautiful breasts of yours. I take some amazing pictures of you and send them to Carter. Bam! You’re pregnant with his babies.”
I choked on my drink and started to cough a lot, which made the people around us look at me funny.
“Don’t say those things.” I tried to hide how upset I was by stuffing my mouth with romaine lettuce, but Jules didn’t believe me.
“Oh come on, are we seriously going down this road again? Everyone knows you love each other so I don’t know why you both don’t just drop the act already.”
“Of course we love each other. He saved my life and has been taking care of me ever since.”
“Of course we know all that. But that doesn’t change the fact that he’s wanted to f**k you since you turned eighteen and you’ve wanted to marry him since… well, ever.”
“That’s not true, Tessa. He sees me as a little sister.”
The thought made me sad.
“Oh, really? Then he must like incest.”
I tried to keep a straight face, but I couldn’t stop laughing. Tessa says things that drive Carter crazy.
“Don’t you call him daddy?”
My eyes almost popped out of my head.
She said it so loudly that an old couple stopped to shake their heads at me.
I was caramel-colored, but then I turned red. That’s how shy I got.
“What the—Why would you?” I stammered.
“Hold on, let me say that again. You want to call him daddy.”
“Tessa!” I yelled in a panic, and half of the restaurant turned to look at us. I had to shrink back in my seat.
Tessa was laughing so hard that she started to snort, which made me feel even more embarrassed.
“You’re so easy,” Tessa finally said, wiping her eyes.
I said, “I don’t like Carter like that,” lying right through my teeth.
Tessa rolled her eyes up to the sky, and for a second, she looked so much like her brother that it scared me.
“I really don’t know what’s stopping you,” she said. She was holding a fry in her hand and eating it while she yelled.
“First of all, he’s ten years older than me.”
Tessa snorted, making it seem like my point was completely wrong, which it probably was in her mind.
“Remember when I f****d a forty-two-year-old? What’s your point?” she said bluntly.
We looked at each other, hazel against blue, but we both knew I could never say win when it came to Tessa.
“Okay, I’ll go to the club with you.”
~ ~ ~
We had just gotten back to the flat when Tessa ran straight to Carter’s liquor cabinet. I don’t drink because I’m only twenty and I want to do things the right way. I know that’s silly, but I do good things for Carter because it makes him happy.
While Tessa started drinking for the night, I looked through my closet for an outfit that would do exactly what she said: get me pregnant with his babies.
For the past year or so, I’ve been trying to get Carter to notice me by wearing less and less clothing and choosing clothes that are much sexier. But it has never worked. I’ve never seen Carter look at my legs, boobs, or b**t.
It makes me feel good, but it also drives me crazy.
It makes me feel like I’m not good enough for him, and that kind of insecurity stops me from doing anything. My therapist would probably go crazy if she heard me say this, but my only goal in life is to make Carter happy. I want him to always be proud of me, happy with me, and (I pray for this one) want to be with me.
Could tonight be the night? Carter will stop seeing me as his little sister tonight, and I will finally tell him how I feel.
Sure. Okay.
I found a short black and white pinstriped dress with a low neckline. It went all the way down to just above my belly button, giving my girls a lot of room to grow.
I liked it, and so did Tessa, so I took a shower and got ready for tonight.
Tessa did my makeup for me because I still don’t know how to do it myself. I did my own hair, which didn’t take long because I just put it in a neat low ponytail. When I was done with everything, I was very happy with how it all turned out.
“Carter will die when he sees you.”
He better