Page 10
Story: Through the Flames
My eye twitched again.
“Tessa, are you—”
“Amaya said, “Tessa, it’s beautiful,” and then she jumped off my lap and went up to the podium to look at the dress more closely.
I would never let Tessa try on or buy a dress like that on any other day. But I made her very angry today, and I owed her. I didn’t want to have to pay for it, so I bit my tongue and gave her my card.
We were even now.
We left the store with Amaya’s hand in mine and her shopping bags in the other. We had already been to a lot of clothing stores and the stores with all the shiny things where you can buy hair and skin care products.
I looked up what kind of hair products she should use because her hair was clearly different from Jules’s and mine. I spent too much money in that area.
I’d like to say it’s because I wanted her to try everything, but I really wanted Amaya to be my guinea pig for my new obsession with natural hair products.
Then I bought them some body washes, creams, perfumes, bath oils, and something called a bath bomb. I felt like an idiot half the time because I didn’t understand what Jules was saying. This took us to the dress store, and now I wasn’t sure where we were going next.
“Oh, I just remembered! We need to get some pants,” Tessa said loudly in the courtyard.
Amaya, who also didn’t get the idea of shame, loudly agreed, and I felt embarrassed for a whole other reason than talking about knickers in public.
I wasn’t going to buy knickers with my baby sister and foster child.
It’s not going to happen.
That would be the most uncomfortable mix of embarrassment and s****l desire, and I didn’t want any part of it.
I needed to come up with an idea quickly.
“Okay, here’s the deal: you can take my card and go to that store. You have one hour, and then you both have to meet me here. No more than an hour, okay?”
Tessa seemed way too happy, and I realised that she might not have meant to make me look bad after all. She has a plan.
Amaya hugged me tightly and then tiptoed over to whisper something in my ear.
“I promise I’ll be good, okay?”
I had to close my eyes and make a fist to stop myself from doing something that would get me arrested and banned from the mall.
“I know you will, baby,” I said, kissing her on the forehead. Then I turned to my stupid sibling, who still had that smug look on her face.
I took my card out of my wallet and held it out for Tessa to see, but before she could grab it, I pulled her closer to me so Amaya couldn’t hear us.
I said, “If anything happens to Amaya, I will hold you down and shave your head.” There was no hint of humour in my voice.
“Don’t worry, I’ll keep your girlfriend safe.” I was so angry at her smug face that I let her go with one last warning look.
“Don’t do anything dumb,” I yelled as they walked away. Tessa gave me the finger behind her back, and I wanted to throw my shoe at her big head.
I stood there for a moment, not sure what to do with myself and trying to calm down my worry for Amaya. I was worried about Tessa too, but she can take care of herself. On the other hand, Amaya was a baby who was just learning to walk.
I thought hard about what I could do to keep myself busy for the next hour, and then I had an idea.
I had to buy birthday gifts, and I knew exactly where to go to get some jewellery.
~ ~ ~
We got home from the mall a few hours ago, and the girls have been stuck in Amaya’s room ever since.
I wasn’t sure what they were doing, but every now and then I heard Tessa’s loud cackle or Amaya’s soft giggles.
I stopped by at one point to ask them what they wanted for dinner, and Jules said he wanted a pizza. Amaya was excited to finally get to eat pizza, which she had always wanted to do.
It seems that she had already made a pizza for herself, but she had never had the chance to order and eat one.
I let her do it, and I was able to take a picture of the excited look on her face. I bet the person on the other end of the queue had never gotten such an excited call.
I was excited to see her finally take a bite of the pizza when it got there. I realised I had caused another addiction after she ate her third slice.
I need to get that kid to like goat food.
They’ve been locked up in her room ever since.
I took a shower and put on some sweats and a t-shirt. While I waited, I sorted through all the pictures I took today. I thought today would be bad, but it was much better than I thought it would be. I told Amaya that it was one of the best days of my life and I hoped it was the same for her. It made me realise how boring the last ten years of my life have been.
After I had sorted through all the pictures and uploaded them for printing, I lay on the couch and watched TV without thinking.
My mind was too busy going over today, especially how I felt when I went to the jewellery store.
What was going through my mind when I bought that?
I didn’t know I had fallen asleep until I felt a small pair of hands on my arms. When I looked up, Amaya was already climbing over me. Then she pushed herself between my body and the couch. So now we were lying down in the big spoon/little spoon position.
“Hey, baby girl, are you okay back there?” I asked playfully.
She hummed a positive answer, and I figured she was in one of her clingy/silent moods. Amaya would sometimes get really quiet and act like she needed a lot of help. I really liked that. This was one of my favourite versions of her.
“Where’s Tessa?” I asked in a low voice.
“She fell asleep on my bed,” she said softly as she stroked my back.
I sighed with happiness, and Amaya reached around to hold my hand. I put our hands together and put them on my chest so she could feel how fast my heart was beating.
Letting her know how she made people feel. Showing her where she fit in.
~ ~ ~
The next morning was very busy. Tessa made me make a spa appointment for Amaya and her, so we had to get up a lot earlier. Also, Tessa was leaving in the afternoon to go back to Dallas for school the next day.
That day, I learnt that Amaya was not a morning person at all.
She was really cranky, and while Tessa ran around the house trying to figure out how to pack all the things she bought, I was trying to calm my baby down.
“Tessa, are you—”
“Amaya said, “Tessa, it’s beautiful,” and then she jumped off my lap and went up to the podium to look at the dress more closely.
I would never let Tessa try on or buy a dress like that on any other day. But I made her very angry today, and I owed her. I didn’t want to have to pay for it, so I bit my tongue and gave her my card.
We were even now.
We left the store with Amaya’s hand in mine and her shopping bags in the other. We had already been to a lot of clothing stores and the stores with all the shiny things where you can buy hair and skin care products.
I looked up what kind of hair products she should use because her hair was clearly different from Jules’s and mine. I spent too much money in that area.
I’d like to say it’s because I wanted her to try everything, but I really wanted Amaya to be my guinea pig for my new obsession with natural hair products.
Then I bought them some body washes, creams, perfumes, bath oils, and something called a bath bomb. I felt like an idiot half the time because I didn’t understand what Jules was saying. This took us to the dress store, and now I wasn’t sure where we were going next.
“Oh, I just remembered! We need to get some pants,” Tessa said loudly in the courtyard.
Amaya, who also didn’t get the idea of shame, loudly agreed, and I felt embarrassed for a whole other reason than talking about knickers in public.
I wasn’t going to buy knickers with my baby sister and foster child.
It’s not going to happen.
That would be the most uncomfortable mix of embarrassment and s****l desire, and I didn’t want any part of it.
I needed to come up with an idea quickly.
“Okay, here’s the deal: you can take my card and go to that store. You have one hour, and then you both have to meet me here. No more than an hour, okay?”
Tessa seemed way too happy, and I realised that she might not have meant to make me look bad after all. She has a plan.
Amaya hugged me tightly and then tiptoed over to whisper something in my ear.
“I promise I’ll be good, okay?”
I had to close my eyes and make a fist to stop myself from doing something that would get me arrested and banned from the mall.
“I know you will, baby,” I said, kissing her on the forehead. Then I turned to my stupid sibling, who still had that smug look on her face.
I took my card out of my wallet and held it out for Tessa to see, but before she could grab it, I pulled her closer to me so Amaya couldn’t hear us.
I said, “If anything happens to Amaya, I will hold you down and shave your head.” There was no hint of humour in my voice.
“Don’t worry, I’ll keep your girlfriend safe.” I was so angry at her smug face that I let her go with one last warning look.
“Don’t do anything dumb,” I yelled as they walked away. Tessa gave me the finger behind her back, and I wanted to throw my shoe at her big head.
I stood there for a moment, not sure what to do with myself and trying to calm down my worry for Amaya. I was worried about Tessa too, but she can take care of herself. On the other hand, Amaya was a baby who was just learning to walk.
I thought hard about what I could do to keep myself busy for the next hour, and then I had an idea.
I had to buy birthday gifts, and I knew exactly where to go to get some jewellery.
~ ~ ~
We got home from the mall a few hours ago, and the girls have been stuck in Amaya’s room ever since.
I wasn’t sure what they were doing, but every now and then I heard Tessa’s loud cackle or Amaya’s soft giggles.
I stopped by at one point to ask them what they wanted for dinner, and Jules said he wanted a pizza. Amaya was excited to finally get to eat pizza, which she had always wanted to do.
It seems that she had already made a pizza for herself, but she had never had the chance to order and eat one.
I let her do it, and I was able to take a picture of the excited look on her face. I bet the person on the other end of the queue had never gotten such an excited call.
I was excited to see her finally take a bite of the pizza when it got there. I realised I had caused another addiction after she ate her third slice.
I need to get that kid to like goat food.
They’ve been locked up in her room ever since.
I took a shower and put on some sweats and a t-shirt. While I waited, I sorted through all the pictures I took today. I thought today would be bad, but it was much better than I thought it would be. I told Amaya that it was one of the best days of my life and I hoped it was the same for her. It made me realise how boring the last ten years of my life have been.
After I had sorted through all the pictures and uploaded them for printing, I lay on the couch and watched TV without thinking.
My mind was too busy going over today, especially how I felt when I went to the jewellery store.
What was going through my mind when I bought that?
I didn’t know I had fallen asleep until I felt a small pair of hands on my arms. When I looked up, Amaya was already climbing over me. Then she pushed herself between my body and the couch. So now we were lying down in the big spoon/little spoon position.
“Hey, baby girl, are you okay back there?” I asked playfully.
She hummed a positive answer, and I figured she was in one of her clingy/silent moods. Amaya would sometimes get really quiet and act like she needed a lot of help. I really liked that. This was one of my favourite versions of her.
“Where’s Tessa?” I asked in a low voice.
“She fell asleep on my bed,” she said softly as she stroked my back.
I sighed with happiness, and Amaya reached around to hold my hand. I put our hands together and put them on my chest so she could feel how fast my heart was beating.
Letting her know how she made people feel. Showing her where she fit in.
~ ~ ~
The next morning was very busy. Tessa made me make a spa appointment for Amaya and her, so we had to get up a lot earlier. Also, Tessa was leaving in the afternoon to go back to Dallas for school the next day.
That day, I learnt that Amaya was not a morning person at all.
She was really cranky, and while Tessa ran around the house trying to figure out how to pack all the things she bought, I was trying to calm my baby down.