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Even though Amaya looks like she’s getting better on the outside, she still wakes up screaming in fear every night. I thought that by now she would know that her bad past is behind her. But the night terrors haven’t stopped, and I’m really worried.
I told Ramirez all of this, and he nodded but didn’t say anything.
“I think you should take her to see a therapist. She may not be near the source of her trauma anymore, but her mind may still be stuck in that pain and neglect.”
I was a little shocked by his suggestion because I had been to therapy myself. My dad died, and I obviously didn’t handle it well. My mom was too busy grieving to notice that I was hurting too. Her answer was to hit me in therapy.
It didn’t work, and if anything, it made things worse. I felt like I was going crazy, and my therapist never really helped me deal with my grief.
She kept asking me how my father’s death made me feel.
Karen, I don’t know. You tell me.
I wasn’t going to tell Ramirez my deepest, darkest secrets, so I kept my face neutral.
“Do you really think that’s a good idea? I mean, she doesn’t get along with new people very well.”
Yes, I know that was a lie.
I know it’s wrong of me to lie to Amaya.
“I think we should give it a shot and see what happens. You and Amaya have a strong bond. If therapy isn’t working, I’m sure she’ll let you know.”
I didn’t want to admit it, but maybe Ramirez was right. Because my wounds were still fresh and my feelings were always anger, therapy probably wasn’t right for me.
But Amaya needed to admit that the way she grew up was not right. For eighteen years, she was cut off from society and lived in four walls.
She still had a long way to go to get over all of that, but I knew for sure that I would be with her every step of the way.
TWO YEARS LATER
I put lip balm on my lips and rubbed them together. Then I fluffed my hair in the mirror one last time.
“AMAYA!” Carter yelled again and again.
“I’M COMING CARTIE!” I yelled back. I took my time leaving my room after grabbing my purse to make him even angrier.
I walked into the kitchen and saw the monument that was Carter Reid. He was wearing his work clothes: dark blue cargo pants, tightly laced black boots and a grey t-shirt that didn’t do anything to hide the rippling muscles underneath.
I’ve been seeing the same thing for two years now, and I’m still not used to it.
“Why do you always make us late in the morning, Amaya?” He sighed and pushed my breakfast closer to me.
“That look on your face gets me going,” I said as I sat down at the island. He walked around and hugged me good morning.
When he didn’t kiss me good morning, I frowned, and he noticed right away. Carter can read me like a book. It also doesn’t help that I can’t control how my face looks.
He laughed and said, “Spoilt,” then kissed me on the cheek and forehead in the morning.
“Now eat up; we’re already late,” he said as he turned to leave. I took his hand.
“Did you eat yet?” I frowned at him when he shook his head. I took the plate and led us to the living room, holding his hand.
I sat on his lap on the couch like I always do, and we ate breakfast together. When it was finally time to go, we took the lift down to his car and got ready to deal with the traffic in Portland.
Carter is just so dramatic in the morning. If I weren’t “late,” we’d be at work forty-five minutes early every day.
Carter broke the silence in the car by asking, “Do you and Tessa have any plans for tonight?”
“I don’t know what Tessa has in mind, but I was hoping for a quiet night at home,” I said, looking out the window at all the busy people in Portland.
Tessa moved to Portland about a year ago and lived with us for the first few months. After that, she moved into her own place about twenty minutes from our building. Tessa comes to stay with me every time Carter has to work at night because he doesn’t like it when I’m alone in our flat.
We got to the coffee shop where I worked about thirty minutes later. Even though it wasn’t the best job in the world, I always wanted to work in one as a teenager, no matter how cheesy that sounds.
Carter, my therapist Diane, and I all agreed that getting a job would help me become more independent, learn how to be responsible, and improve my social skills.
I really liked it. My boss was pretty cool and my coworkers were great. The best part was meeting new people every day. Everyone had their own story to tell as they went about their day. I really enjoyed getting a peek into the lives of so many people.
Carter leaned over and kissed me on the cheek for a long time. “Have a good day at work, Amaya,” he said. As I got upset, a light blush spread across my skin. I didn’t want to go.
I unbuckled my seatbelt and crawled over the console to straddle his lap.
“I don’t want to go,” I whined, putting my head on his chest.
He kissed my forehead and held my cheeks in his hands, squeezing them together.
“Do you want to go somewhere fun for a day?”
I almost took him up on his offer, but I knew he had to go to work. He had already taken more than a year off for me, and since he went back to work, he took a lot of days off. I need to save as many days as I can for when I really need him.
“No,” I said softly. “You have to go to work.”
“I need to take care of you and make sure you’re happy,” he said, and my heart just burst.
The way he took care of me…wow, it was like nothing else.
“And I’m happy because I’m with you,” I said after that.
He smiled at me and then kissed my nose. He only pretended to be the big bad wolf to other people. Carter was like a big, soft teddy bear. He was kind and caring, and he really made me feel special.
“How does that sound? I’m going to take you out for the day tomorrow when I get home from work.”
I tried hard to keep my feelings in check, but I couldn’t. Carter might not call it a date, but I’m going to act like it is.
I quickly packed my things and made him promise to call me whenever he could. I got out of the car on his side.
It was hard to leave, but the thought of tomorrow made my heart heavy.
“I love you, Cartie,” I whispered, holding onto the door and getting ready to close it.
“I love you more, Amaya.” He blew me a kiss, and I smiled and finally closed the door after saying “see you later” one last time. We never said goodbye to one another.
As he drove away, I turned away, getting ready for a long day at work. I could see the mile-long queue at the cashier from here. That was always true: the café was always busy.
I opened the door and went straight to the employee room. I was the last one to get there, so I quickly put my purse in my locker and put on my apron.
My coworker Sophia said, “Good morning, Amaya.” I said good morning to her and then got right to work on filling orders.
“So, did your boyfriend drop you off at work again?” Sophia teased, and I wondered how long it would have taken her to start.
“First of all, he is not a boy at all. And yes, Sophia, he drops me off at work every day.” I laughed as she moved her thick eyebrows around while I expertly added creamer to the cappuccino in front of me. They probably hired me because I’m really good at making coffee art.
Over the past two years, I’ve had the chance to try a lot of different hobbies with Carter, but the best part was working on my art.