Page 44 of Thorns That Bloom (Venusverse #3)

Theo jumps in as I drift off, wondering if the way my heart pounds against my chest can hurt the baby, or me, even. It hurts. It fucking hurts. “Sam, that doesn’t matter. You didn’t want it. You didn’t consent.”

“I know.” I close my eyes again, pushing out tears.

“You don’t have to talk about it, Sam.”

I do.

But maybe Theo doesn’t want to hear. Is that what this is about? Why his voice shakes and his eyes look like they’re moments from bursting like a dam, too?

I stare right at him, and can’t tell within myself if that makes me angry or disappointed or glad.

Maybe some horrible, sadistic part of me wants me to relive this as a punishment, and wants him to see it, too.

Wants him to know the raw brutality and terror of what happened—as much as he can know without being subjected to it—so that I can see the hurt reflecting back at me in his eyes.

Then I’d know that if it doesn’t, if it just goes in and disappears, that he might be the same sort of monster like them and I shouldn’t trust him at all.

“They cornered me. Told me ho-how good I smelled,” I continue, barely managing to push the words out through the shakes and sniffling and tears running down my face. “How they could sense how ripe and wet I was for them.”

My chest contracts sharply with the urge to retch.

Theo stares at me, unmoving, frozen.

“Two of them were in rut. The pheromones were s-so strong. Th-the room filled with them so quickly, I… I was lightheaded. And hot. And scared. They wouldn’t let me leave.

They pushed me down and held me and k-kept…

” I squeeze Theo’s hand so tight I must be hurting him.

“Fuck, they… I couldn’t think. The smells kept getting stronger, and they all kept going, and no matter how much I didn’t want it, I kept c-co—”

The words get away from me again. My lips quiver too much. My head fills with sounds. All those awful grunting sounds…

“Sam. Sam,” Theo says, pleading for my attention. When I blink again and find his distorted face in front of me, he looks even more worried.

“I didn’t want it,” I cry out, shaking my head.

“I know. I know! Please, Sam, listen to me, okay? Are you listening?”

I nod shakily, but I’m not sure I am. I’m not sure I can really pull myself back to reality.

“I’m going to ask you something, and I want you to know that you can say no.

I need you to say no if that is what you want.

If you could just let me…” He pauses and sighs in frustration, averting his face briefly.

“You’re so distraught. It can’t be good for you or the baby.

Would you let me use my pheromones to calm you?

Just to make sure you’re not going to pass out or get a panic attack.

A worse one than now, I mean. I…I can do that.

I can try. Only if you want me to. You’re allowed to say no. You are, okay?”

Why does he sound so panicked?

Ah… Is it because I am?

They used their pheromones on me, too. They used their raw, rut-fueled desire and need to possess and dominate to restrain and subdue me.

It was too much. Too many. There was nothing I could do.

My body went weak, and my mind was addled by fear and pain and the horrifying responses from my own flesh.

But this is Theo, and he’s asking me. He wants to help me.

“Protect me?” I whisper drunkenly, my thoughts spilling out of my head and onto my lips without intention.

“Yes. Y-yes, I’m just…trying to protect you, Sam. Oh, my sweet Sam, I just want you to feel better. I can’t bear seeing you like this. You d-don’t deserve this.”

I hate hearing him so tense and sad.

“Okay.”

“Are you sure? I’ll only try to calm you down a little, yeah?

I’ll be careful.” His warm hand is on my cheek, and I press into it with a nod.

Closing my eyes, with my teeth holding my bottom lip to stop it from quivering, I let out an exhale and rest against him again.

“It’s alright, Sam. It’s going to be okay. Both of you are going to be okay.”

Theo’s voice echoes in my ears, almost like we’re in a cave. The horrific pounding of my heart and the distracting buzzing of my mind slowly give way as his scent fills me. It tickles my nose and the inside of my skin. On my tongue, it’s sweet.

The more I focus—the more I completely surrender myself to this idea of being taken care of by him—the more Theo’s pheromones permeate my being. Like this is exactly the way it’s supposed to be. How everything is supposed to be.

An alpha, soothing his omega. Radiating the most earnest care, out from his very core. His very scent, what makes him him, speaking true and getting used for good.

I make some sort of sound—a moan or a groan of relief—that makes Theo almost jerk. We both open our eyes, staring at each other.

“You’re not trembling as much anymore,” he says, a hesitant, hopeful smile growing on his face. “And your breathing’s settled. Good. That’s… I wasn’t sure it was going to work. I’ve never really done that before. N-not like this.”

He’s never used his pheromones to affect an omega?

Of course he hasn’t… It’s Theo.

I blink and look down, hit with an abrupt sense of utter exhaustion. My eyes are heavy and itchy and raw. I feel the snot and tears drying all over my face, and now that my mind doesn’t sound like a nuclear reactor about to explode, I’m calm enough to notice the fluttering movements inside me.

“I think I scared her,” I mutter with my hand on my belly, nearly slurring my words.

Theo gently puts his hand over mine. “I’m sure she’s better now, too. You must be so tired, lovely. Let’s get you to bed, okay? Everything is going to be so much clearer after having a nap.”

In all the chaos, I didn't even do what I wanted to, I realize. I didn’t see his face when I told him. I couldn’t see what reflected back at me.

Though, that idea seems absurd now. When I glance at Theo, I don’t understand why I ever doubted him in the first place. Of course he was horrified. He still is. Behind that comforting, firm mask of a responsible alpha, I see his pain.

“I’m sorry…”

He frowns. “What for? St— Come on, I’ll take you to your bedroom,” he orders softly and helps me get up.

I’m a little lightheaded and shaky, but Theo manages to help me to my room. There, I shed my sweater and pants—while he hesitantly stands by, facing away from me—and then slip under the blanket.

The bed is cold. And big.

Empty. Too empty.

Theo darts his eyes over me. “Do you need water? Anything?”

Slowly, I lie down on my left side with my face pressed into the pillow and my arms held against my chest tightly. I’ll probably have to get up to pee in about an hour. And I am thirsty, but I don’t want him to leave. Not for a second.

I might be out of my mind, but I reach out my trembling hand and tap it on the mattress in front of me. Theo’s eyes widen in response.

I swallow the lump of embarrassment and uncertainty blocking my throat before speaking. “I don’t want to be alone,” I whisper.

Theo bites the inside of his lip, clearly calculating the risks of his next move.

“Are you sure, Sam?”

“I’m sure.” I feel safe with you, I say only with my eyes.

When Theo hesitantly kneels down and starts getting on the bed, I shift back to make space for him.

Constantly watching me like he expects me to snap and scream for him to leave, he lowers himself so we face each other.

His arm stays awkwardly suspended in the air under the blanket until I take it and let him rest it on the side of my stomach.

The way his heart hiccups is visible on his face, even in the low light and over his calming pheromones. He meets my gaze, lips parted, eyes strangely glistening, and I rest my head down again, settling without a word.

We lie there in silence, our bodies offering warmth and comfort.

His closeness eases the trembles passing through me and the wild rhythms of my pulse. Even so, no matter how tired I am, I can’t sleep. Every time I close my eyes and try, there’s still one more dark shadow.

“He…found me,” I whisper as low as I can, haunted by the irrational idea of him somehow hearing me otherwise.

“You saw how determined he was. He…he isn’t the kind of man to give up easily.

He wants the…he wants the baby. He thinks…

” Tears start burning in my eyes again, so I screw them shut and press my lips into a tight line for a moment to hold it together.

Theo brushes his thumb over my belly, and it sends a shimmering warmth radiating inward.

“I-I don’t know what I’m going to do. There’s nothing else I can… He…he has money, Theo. Lawyers. Connections. What if he—”

Theo shifts his hand to copy the curve of my back. I meet his intent gaze. “He won’t. I won’t let him. He won’t do anything to you or the baby. I promise you. I don’t know how he even…how they got away with this, but I’ll make sure he goes away.”

Fear pings through me. “How…?”

He must realize what I’m implying. What his words implied.

“No, nothing like that. Nothing violent or illegal. Don’t worry, okay?

There’s…there’s someone I know who can help.

They will. They’ll make it so he can’t ever come close to you or the baby.

” Theo’s frown is one of burning determination.

No matter how hopeless I feel about my situation—having already tried and failed against the brilliantly cutthroat lawyers they had at their disposal—I… believe him. Just like that.

Because he says so. Because Theo’s here to protect me.

I smile faintly, closing my eyes. Pushing my head forward, I let our foreheads touch again. “Okay,” I whisper.

After a moment of silence, when I finally start feeling sleep tug at me, Theo’s hand tenderly brushes my hair.

“I swear to you, Sam. I won’t allow it. Get some sleep now, lovely. Close your eyes and let it all go… I’m here.”