Page 12 of Thorns That Bloom (Venusverse #3)

Sam

The new day comes with new determination.

I know how it usually goes: by the afternoon, I’m exhausted and don’t feel like talking to anyone, so my best and only chance is to catch Theo in the cafeteria.

That won’t be easy in itself, and even that idea makes me a little uneasy, but I’m determined to do it.

Today it is me, Kristoff, and Jane—the woman from the main office he’s gotten fairly close to recently—going together. Kristoff being so enamored with her makes everything a lot easier. It means she is his primary focus and the victim of his friendly, overly enthusiastic chatter.

They barely pay attention to me telling them I’ll be right back as soon as I spot Theo’s shining head of hair in the large group of manufacturing workers coming in for lunch in their dull orange jumpsuits.

Crossing the cafeteria feels like stepping back into high school.

Invisible territory lines divide the employees into their respective departments.

It’s not much different from how it was in my last job, but when I walk out of the area belonging to my people and toward the one filled with testosterone and alpha pheromones, my gait becomes unsteady.

Gulping, I dart my eyes across the faces, fixing my gaze on Theo, and pray he looks my way so that I don’t have to come any further.

Theo talks to the other guys, grinning widely with those pretty white teeth, until he sits down and glances around.

The moment his eyes meet mine—probably because I’m standing in the middle of the room—my insides twist. Instead of faltering, I awkwardly lift my hand to wave discreetly and raise my brows.

He blinks and instantly drops everything. Just like that. He stands quickly, then pauses, like he’s unsure if I really was aiming it at him. Questioningly, he points at his chest. Suppressing a smirk, I nod and indicate for him to come to me again, which he finally does.

God, he looks like an excited puppy when he heads my way.

I slowly move toward the door while he catches up. I can’t stand the idea of everyone’s eyes being on us. Leaning against the wall by the huge potted plant next to the doors to the cafeteria, I cross my arms over my chest and take a deep breath.

“Hey,” Theo says, stopping a few steps away from me. He almost seems more anxious than I am, darting his eyes all over and smiling hesitantly. “You, um…got my note?” He nervously lifts his arm to scratch the back of his head, unintentionally showing off the tight, bulging biceps.

“Yeah. I-I appreciate it.” I keep my voice firm, for the most part. “I wanted to apologize for making a fuss with all that. I hope you didn’t get into any trouble.”

I can hardly meet his eyes, no matter how confident I try to appear, and I’m not sure why. It’s not like he’s hard to look at.

He shakes his head. “Oh, no. It’s fine! I was just hoping you and the baby were okay,” he says and hesitantly points at my stomach.

The fact that he’s thinking about that takes me aback. He did in the note, too. “It was only a panic attack,” I say quietly, looking down. “It didn’t hurt the baby or anything.” He seems like a caring person. It makes it that much more frustrating that I dragged him into it.

“I’m glad,” he says, his voice soft, almost tender. I meet his careful gaze as he shifts on his feet, both hands in his pockets now. “Do you know the sex?”

The way he asks the question, in such a light-hearted, curious tone, isn’t threatening. I hesitantly smile and shake my head. “Not yet.”

Then it hits me. His scent is faint, the same smell of spiced coconut, but it’s mixed with traces of his sweat. And somehow, the combination makes my cheeks burn.

My body reacts to it without me even focusing on it properly, and I feel my stomach twist in a different way. Not so much from anxiety, but…a pleasant way that I haven’t experienced in a while.

And that’s when all that information truly registers inside my brain. It feels like since it happened, my connection between the two has been damaged. When my brain realizes the way my body reacts to the manly, alpha scent in front of me, it seizes. It rings with caution. Alarm.

'You shouldn’t like this smell,' it says. 'It means danger and nothing else.'

Desperately trying to suppress the reaction I know is unreasonable, I flare my nostrils and keep my face neutral, hoping not to show my inner turmoil.

“You’re new here, right?” Theo asks.

I half expected, and hoped, for him to just walk away, but he doesn’t. Instead, he’s going into awkward small talk.

Darting my eyes around us, I remind myself that we’re in a room full of people.

I’m safe. Logically, there’s nothing threatening or dangerous about this situation at all.

Especially not with that puppy face of his.

He’s looking at me with a strange tenderness, hanging on for an answer like it actually means something to him, and he’s not just going through the bullet point questions people ask each other when there’s nothing else to talk about.

“Yeah.” I try not to think about his scent as I speak, gulping hard. “I moved to the city recently.”

“Alone or with family?”

That question falls out of his mouth a little too fast for comfort. Narrowing my eyes, I glance up at him, only for Theo to evade my gaze. Looking like he himself realizes the almost hopeful undertone of that word was a little too obvious.

A wave of tingling discomfort passes over my back when I realize: is he trying to flirt with me? Is he finding out if I’m single? Or if I live by myself?

‘He’s an alpha,’ that alarm sounds again, making every muscle in my body wind tighter. ‘And you are an easy target for someone like him.’

Stop. Stop thinking about that.

I gulp again, but it doesn’t seem to freaking do anything. “I umm…yeah,” I mutter, so thrown by that realization that I don’t even think to lie in time. Well, now he knows. “I’m not looking to date,” I add sharply.

I might be going through something, but I’m still me. Being direct might be a little more stressful now that I don’t have all of my confidence, but it doesn’t change who I am entirely. Who I am is someone who would make this clear right away. Especially now.

Theo widens his eyes briefly and raises his brows. With a quick, “Oh, okay,” he nods and smiles like he’s the least bothered.

What did I expect from him? To jump at me?

I have to think rationally. Of course he’s fine with it. He isn’t like them. Not everyone is like them. I’m okay. Everything is okay.

“I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable again. Would…would you prefer someone else to come up if we have a problem we need feedback for?” he asks with genuine worry in his smooth, pleasantly deep voice.

Letting out an exhale through my nose, I shake my head. “No, that’s fine,” I mutter. “I gotta go now. I've already taken enough of your lunch break.” Before he has a chance to respond, I slip away.

I spend the rest of the day staring at my computer, wondering if I had overreacted. Wondering if he really was interested in me and why that made me so anxious. It was bound to happen at some point—another person looking at me in that way. I just didn’t realize it would be so soon.

But he was nice about it. He didn’t seem too bothered. Maybe it wasn’t even disappointment that I thought I glimpsed in those blue eyes.

Either way, I know I can’t let that shake me. All my focus has to be at work, and the small consolation is that now, I can stop feeling guilty about the embarrassment in the restroom.

The way my body deals with pregnancy ebbs and flows.

There are days when I come to work and feel good; energized even. There are other times when my hormones and pheromones go completely crazy. On those days, I lock myself in the office, no matter the poor ventilation, and tell Kristoff to only come in if it’s something important.

At least my pregnancy is a good enough excuse for everyone else to tiptoe around me.

It’s better than those strangers knowing how broken my psyche has been since it happened, and how much that has to do with my reactions to…

everything. A constant reminder that those bastards affected my entire view of the world.

I try not to think about it, because marinating in my own anger isn’t productive.

I save the file I’ve been working on for like an hour and finally close it. Done. I lean back with a sigh and momentarily shut my eyes because they’re burning. My head hurts. The hot flashes keep coming, though they’re not as bad today.

My OBGYN said that everything was fine the last time she checked me. The baby is healthy, I’m not missing anything, and all this is unfortunately just a normal part of omega pregnancy. Some people have it easy, others don’t. And of course, I have to be one of the ones who don’t.

Life always find ways to keep me on my damn toes…

Rubbing my forehead, I pull out my phone. No one really checks up on me—sometimes it feels like they forget I’m here—so I figure I can get away with another quick break.

I have an unread message from Mom. A picture of some flowers in her garden. Sending me photos of random stuff has been the only way she’s tried to stay in touch, and I guess I can’t blame her, because she’s at least doing something.

I never know how to respond, what to say. My life isn’t interesting, and I don’t want all my conversations with her to be me complaining.

Staring at it for a moment, I decide to react with a thumbs-up emoji. Resting my phone over the edge of the table, I lean back and swipe out of our message thread to the inbox. There are a few other messages there I’ve been ignoring. Marked with ‘read’ from weeks or months ago.

Mostly people from my old workplace asking me how I’m doing. I can’t bring myself to respond, to even venture back into that reality I’ve been trying to erase. None of them were real friends, anyway. Coworkers. Acquaintances at best.