Page 93 of This Kind of Forever

I can’t be certain, but I thinksorrywas probably my first word. I’ve been apologizing for my mother for as long as I can remember.

Gabe shakes his head. “Don’t be. That’s on her, not you.” He shoves his hands into his pockets, then rocks back on his heels. “Any chance I can steal you away from your packing? I decided I didn’t want to wait until tonight to see you.”

“Oh, I…” My cheeks remain red for an entirely different reason.

Pops nudges me. “Go, Junebug. You’ve been at it all morning.”

I agree, following Gabe out to his truck. Those butterflies I’ve become familiar with over the years take flight. Only, I don’t realize it will be their last until it’s too late.

With the windows rolled down, I savour the sounds and smells of the island as Gabe’s truck ambles through traffic. Well, what little traffic Kip Island has to offer. It’s busier in the summer, sure, but it’s not exactly known for its gridlock.

I keep sneaking glances over at Gabe. His right hand is on the wheel, but his left arm is resting on the open window. The sun illuminates the tattoo he got for his eighteenth birthday, the start of what I know he’s planning to be a sleeve. He looks, to be entirely honest,hot.

Does your little friend know you’re sneaking around with her brother?

I shove my mother’s voice down deep, where it can’t hurt me. I’ll worry her words to death later, in the solitude of my bedroom. For now, I won’t let myself think about how Clara would feel if she knew.

Gabe parks in the lot for Anchor’s Bay Beach and hops out of the truck faster than I can blink. Before I’ve unbuckled my seatbelt, he’s opening my door for me.

When I jump down, we head for the sand. We don’t talk, instead walking in silence. I want to say something, but my nerves leave me tongue-tied.

The far section of the beach sees little to no tourists, given it’s so rocky, so local kids tend to go there to hang out. Or cause trouble. Today, it’s empty.

“What are we doing out here?” I ask.

Gabe takes a seat on one of the crates that stands in as a chair around the fire pit. I sit beside him, breathing in the nostalgia. I know for a fact Luke is the one who stole the crates from Dockside a few years ago.

Can I really give this all up?

Yes. I have to. Besides the fact that there’s no university close by, there’s no life for me here. Not in the town that raised my mother and became witness to her misdeeds. Her destructive behaviour.

I have to go.

“I wanted to see you,” Gabe says. “Alone.”

The intense expression he wears sends a shiver down my spine. One full of both apprehension and a smidge of excitement.

“Yeah?”

A breeze floats through the air, cooling my heated skin. The summer temperatures have come back with a vengeance, especially when the sun is out.

“Hallie, I love you,” he blurts.

My heart stops. “What?”

Blood rushes in my ears, threatening to drown out anything else Gabe says. And the heart that stopped beating suddenly kicks into overdrive, thumping against my ribcage like it’s trying to break free. Trying to jump right into his hands.

“I love you.”Oh, God. I did hear him right. “I’m in love with you.”

The earnest expression he wears makes me want to cry.

This is everything I’ve ever wanted. The moment I’ve been dreaming of for years. All I have to do is say four little words.I love you, too. But the words don’t come.

Instead, this yawning abyss opens up inside me, and all of the fears and insecurities I’ve collected over my eighteen years cometumbling out. They trip me up, jam my mouth so full, I can’t speak. And Gabe looks at me, hopeful, and I know all I’m capable of is ruining him.

He doesn’t know. He doesn’t see me, truly, deeply. I’m a mess. I’ve been one all my life. Like mother, like daughter. He may think he loves me, but he doesn’t. Or he wouldn’t—not if heknew. So it’s better this way, breaking his heart now, instead of down the line when he’s grown even more attached.

“I, um—” My throat feels thick, like I could throw up at any moment. I stand from the crate, stumbling backwards. “I’m sorry. I can’t… I can’t do this right now.”