Page 91 of This Kind of Forever

“Kinda?” Luke presses.

She rolls her eyes, though she grins. “Hopelessly, deeply, madly,” she amends.

“That’s what I thought,” he says, then takes her by the chin and kisses her.

Mom looks on with delight, and Clara starts making fake gagging noises. Through the chaos, I find Hallie. She has a slight grin on her face as she watches Luke and Delilah together, but when her gaze lands on mine, her smile turns sad.

I still have her, but it feels like I’m watching her slip right through my fingers, and there’s not a goddamn thing I can do to stop it.

THIRTY-TWO

HALLIE

TEN YEARS AGO

Packingup my whole life was easier than I thought it would be. I’ve never been one to hold on to belongings. Mostly because I hate taking up more space than absolutely necessary. But I didn’t truly realize how plain my life has been until this moment.

It’s better this way, though. Now I can reinvent myself in the city without my past dragging me down. The only things I’ll really miss about this island are Pops and Clara.

And Gabe.

Not being able to see Clara regularly will take some getting used to, but so will missing him. He’s been a constant in my life since kindergarten. We’ll talk, I’m sure, but it won’t be the same.

My phone burns a hole in my pocket, a reminder of the texts we exchanged earlier. He wants to tell me something. My stupid heart has been racing since, getting carried away with all sorts of fanciful ideas. Like maybe he feels the same way about me as I do him. Like maybe he likes me. Loves me, even.

He almost kissed you at the fair last year.

But he hasn’t tried since. What if he realized it was a mistake? That he didn’t actually want to?

My brain is a hard place to be when it’s playing tug of war with itself. It’s a game I can never win. The only hope I have of pulling myself from the toxic cycle is distracting my mind until there’s no room left for arguing.

I fold another shirt and shove it into my suitcase. Running my fingers over the material, I smile softly. Gabe let me borrow it once when we went swimming and I forgot a coverup. I never intended to keep it, but…

Raised voices travel up the stairs, instantly turning my mood sour. I open my bedroom door and head out into the hallway. Leaning over the banister, I peer down toward the foyer. Pops stands in front of the stairs, talking to my mother.

I haven’t seen her in months. The last time she blew through town, she took me out to dinner, and then she stole all the money in my wallet. I didn’t find out until she was already long gone. At least she had the decency to cover the bill before she left.

“Mandy, please don’t do this,” Pops pleads. “Don’t ruin this for her.”

Mom sneers. “I’m not ruining anything, Dad. I’m here to see my baby before she heads off to her fancy new school and decides she’s too good for us small-town folk.”

“Amanda—”

“Mom?” I come down the stairs, letting them both know I’m there. I hate being talked about like I’m not.

My mother smiles, but there’s something off about it. Her smiles never seem sincere. Maybe because she’s never truly been happy as long as I’ve been alive. “Hallie, there you are. Your grandfather said you were out.”

When I look at Pops, his expression is full of apology.It’s okay, I tell him silently. He does what he can to shield me from her, but she’s my mom. I can’t cut her out entirely.

“I was at Clara’s,” I lie. I’ve been home all day. “I guess he didn’t hear me come back. How long are you in town for?”

“Not long.” She raises a brow. “Well, aren’t you gonna come give your mama a hug?”

I descend the stairs, then let her pull me against her. Like always, she smells of cigarettes and vanilla body spray. Sometimes liquor, if she’s dating a heavy drinker at the time.

“Do you want some lunch?” I ask. “I was just about to make some.”

“Now that you mention it, I could use something to eat,” she says.