Page 9 of Things We Need to Say (Second Chance Love Stories #2)

‘He wasn’t supposed to inherit, he was only a distant relative, but the heir died young and he found himself the next in line. The previous lord had gambling debts and when Henry inherited the place was practically falling down. But he turned it round and now he’s in the top rich list.’

‘Good for him.’ Betty nodded approvingly and smiled. ‘Tell me then? Is he single?’

‘Nan!’ They all laughed at Jay’s exclamation.

‘Now, who’s for treacle sponge and custard?’

Although she felt full to the brim, Emma couldn’t resist the temptation of a home-cooked pudding.

‘I meant to tell you, Nan,’ Jay said, when they were scraping their dishes clean. ‘I’m applying to enter a cooking competition.’

‘What would you be wanting to do that for?’ she asked.

‘So that I can better my reputation.’

‘Don’t you have a good enough reputation already with your business?’

‘I might be a partner, but sometimes I still feel it’s more Liz’s business.’

Betty got up to clear the dishes. ‘Yes, I can see your point.’

Emma jumped to her feet. ‘Here let me help.’ She still felt awkward about letting the older woman do everything.

‘Just rinse them and pop them in the dishwasher,’ Betty said. ‘The rest can be done later. I want to hear more about this competition. Jay, get us all another drink, there’s a love.’

Once Jay had poured the drinks, he said, ‘The competition is to celebrate the food of London. The winners will get to cook their dishes at a big banquet being held later in the year.’

She nodded. ‘Sounds promising. And your cockney heritage should stand you in good stead.’

‘Well, I had a good teacher.’ Jay grinned at her.

Betty got up from the table and opened a drawer in the dresser. She picked up a large leather-bound book and held it in her hands for a moment before passing it over to him.

‘No, I did. This will help.’

Jay looked at the book reverently. ‘Is that what I think it is?’

‘Yes,’ Betty said. ‘It’s my mother’s recipe book.’

* * *

Jay couldn’t believe she was actually giving him the book. It was her prized possession. He’d always wanted to have a look at it, but had never been allowed so much as to touch it. Now he smoothed his hand over the leather exterior.

‘But, Nan, you can’t give me this.’

‘Why not? I know every single recipe in it off by heart, so I’ve no further need of it.

My mother wanted it to be passed to the daughter of each generation, but there’s no point giving it to your mother.

Mary can burn water. But you, I think you can make good use of it, and it might help you to win that competition. There’s a lot of history in that book.’

‘Oh, Nan! Are you sure?’ Jay asked, scarcely able to believe his good fortune.

‘I certainly am. You’ve wanted that book for years. Mother said it had to be passed on at the right time, and now is the right time.’

Jay gently opened the book and admired the neat, inked handwriting of his great-grandmother. The spatters on the pages showed that the recipes had been well used. It was such a precious gift.

The front door banged open and a voice called out, ‘Hi, Mum, only me!’

Jay’s head shot up, startled.

‘What . . . ?’ He trailed off.

Betty looked shifty. ‘Mary said she might pop round. Didn’t think it would be this early though.’

‘Hi . . . Oh! Um, hello, Jay.’

‘Mum,’ Jay muttered under his breath and looked away.

‘I’m sorry, I didn’t realise you’d be here,’ Mary said quietly. ‘Maybe I should go. I can always come back later.’

‘Don’t be ridiculous,’ Betty said. ‘Sit down.’

‘Jay, pour your mother a glass of wine — looks like she needs one. Emma, shall we take our drinks through to the other room, leave these two in peace? They need to talk. This thing has gone on quite long enough.’

* * *

As Emma got up from the table, Jay looked across to her.

The poor girl looked petrified, so he nodded to her to let her know he was okay with her leaving him alone with his mother.

He poured the wine and set it down in front of Mary.

For a moment they didn’t say anything, then he plucked up his courage and said, ‘Looks like we’ve been set up. ’

‘Yes, it does.’ Mary took a sip of her wine. ‘To be honest, I’m surprised she hasn’t done it before now.’

‘I thought it odd that she suddenly invited both me and Emma for dinner. Should have guessed.’

‘Emma? Was that your girlfriend?’

‘Yes.’

‘She looks nice. Pretty, too.’

‘Yes, she’s lovely.’

‘I’m pleased for you, love.’

Not knowing how to reply, Jay lapsed once more into silence.

‘Maybe your nan’s right,’ Mary said. ‘Maybe this has gone on long enough.’

‘Maybe, but I can’t forget what he did or that you backed him up.’

‘Steve bitterly regrets what happened that day. And so do I.’

‘Really? You stood by him over your son, though.’

‘I didn’t stand by him. Not as such. I didn’t really know what had happened at the time and then I was caught between the pair of you.’

‘He hit me, Mum.’

‘I know and, like I said, he still regrets it. He shouldn’t have done it, Jay, but you weren’t entirely innocent in all of it.’

‘Oh, so you’re still taking his side, then?’

Mary protested. ‘No! I don’t want to take sides at all. But it wasn’t as straightforward as you make out. You were a very angry young man and you did some terrible things too.’

‘Because my dad had died and then he came in riding roughshod over Dad’s memories and over us all.’

Mary sighed deeply. ‘I’ll never stop loving your dad, but after he died, Steve, well, he helped me get through the grief. It was a difficult time for us all.’

Jay shook his head. ‘I’m sorry, Mum, I just can’t forgive him.’

‘I’m not asking you to,’ she said in almost a whisper.

‘And neither is he. We’re both very sorry for what happened and I’d like to be able to move on from that.

Being cut off from you all these years has hurt more than I can say and I’d like to have some part in your life, even if it’s just the odd text or phone call. ’

Jay sighed. ‘Maybe. I’ll think about it.’

‘Thank you.’ She leaned across the table and squeezed his hand. Jay didn’t know whether he wanted to pull away from her or lean in for a hug. Instead he did nothing and remained still, not daring to move either way.

‘Well, I’ve said my bit. I’ll leave you to it,’ she said as she got up to go.

* * *

Jay and Emma left soon after that too. Jay didn’t know what to say to her.

Emma’s first meeting with his nan had been going so well and he’d loved how the two women had got on together.

He’d even imagined regular Sunday lunches and toyed with the idea of inviting his nan to their flat so that he could cook for her for a change.

Not that she’d enjoy it — she was far too much of a control freak.

When she’d given him the recipe book, he’d thought his heart would burst. Then his mother had walked through the door and ruined everything.

‘Cup of tea?’ Emma asked quietly when they got back to the flat.

‘I’d prefer a beer. There’s some in the fridge.

’ Jay sat down on the sofa. He knew his silence was hard on Emma and she didn’t deserve that.

She’d been pulled into the firing line and he felt he owed her an explanation.

He’d never told her exactly what had caused the rift between him and his mum.

Never opened up to her. And whenever she’d questioned him about his family, he’d changed the subject.

But if he loved her, surely he’d be able to tell her anything?

As he listened to her moving around in the kitchen, he thought about their relationship.

Was he being unfair on her? Because he was afraid she’d think less of him if she knew?

But was it worth the risk? To try to be free of it all. Maybe it was time to bite the bullet.

Emma handed him a beer, and put down a cup of tea for herself on the coffee table. Then she sat down on the opposite sofa.

‘What? Don’t you want to sit next to me?’

‘I wasn’t sure you’d want me to,’ she said hesitantly.

‘I’m not surprised. I’m such a moody sod, aren’t I?’

‘I wouldn’t say that. It’s been a difficult day for you.’

He looked at her, lost for words that she was so understanding. ‘I just wasn’t expecting it. Nan truly dropped me in it.’

‘She was just trying to make things right.’

‘See, I told you you’d get on well with her. You’re already taking her side.’ But he said it with a smile to try to lighten the mood.

‘You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.’

‘I don’t want to, but I think it’s important that I do. I’m sorry. Sorry that you had to get involved in that. And, if I’m honest, I’m sorry I didn’t introduce you to Nan earlier.’ And that was because I didn’t want you to know what I’d done , he added silently.

‘Well, I’m sorry too. No offence to you, but that woman cooks like a dream.’

Jay grinned. ‘She does. I learned from the best.’

‘And she gave you her mother’s recipe book.’

‘She did.’ He was itching to pore over the pages of the recipe book and he would, once he’d got this out of the way.

He knew that he’d uncover countless treasures in the pages.

‘I’m not proud of what has gone on in my family.

’ He paused and, when she didn’t speak, he continued.

‘As you know, my dad died in an accident at work. He was a railway man. Someone didn’t secure some rolling stock properly and he was knocked over.

Hit his head and died in hospital.’ He paused again and still Emma didn’t interrupt.

‘I was fifteen at the time. I idolised that man and it felt as though my whole world had been taken away from me.’

‘I bet it did. Such a terrible age to lose your dad.’

‘So from then on it was just me, Mum and my sister.’

‘And you became the man of the house.’

‘I thought I did, but I was still a child. A child trying to be a man and not making a good job of it.’ He paused. ‘Dad hadn’t been gone even a year when Mum introduced Steve.’

‘I can see why that would hurt.’

‘More than you’d know. I couldn’t bear another man taking Dad’s place, especially not one who acted as though Dad never existed and he owned the place. Or at least that’s how I saw it then.’

‘And now?’ she asked quietly.

‘I’ve been thinking about that all afternoon.

Today, Mum said I’d done some pretty bad things myself, and that’s something I’ve not been able to admit before.

Steve had been around for about a year when it all blew up.

I was seventeen. Thought I knew everything and saw everything in black and white.

He tried to lay down the rules, but I ignored them.

Why should I listen to him? He wasn’t my dad.

We fought constantly. It was usually my fault because I went out of my way to provoke him.

Then one night I got blind drunk and, when I got home, he was there having a go at me.

We got into a row and I was up in his face, goading him. He got so angry with me, he hit me.’

Emma gasped. ‘He shouldn’t have done that. In reality you were still only a child.’

‘A child who was acting the big man,’ Jay replied. ‘It wasn’t that which hurt me though. It was Mum. She took his side.’

‘I can see why that would hurt.’

‘I think I was acting up because I wanted her to see how much she was hurting me. I wanted her to put me first, not him. But she didn’t, not even then. So I walked out and went to stay with my nan.’

‘And you haven’t spoken since?’

‘The odd text here and there when one of us was feeling guilty or lonely, but, no. I did go and see her when my brothers were born and I’ve visited them a few times, but mostly I’ve shut them out of my life because I wanted to punish her.

That’s why I haven’t been able to talk about it.

Because deep down, it’s myself I’m ashamed of. ’

Emma moved to sit next to him and put her arms around him. ‘You were a teenager, you were grieving. There probably wasn’t a right or wrong way for any of you to behave. You were all just trying to work it out as you went along, so you shouldn’t blame yourself.’

‘Maybe not for that. But I do blame myself for carrying it on. It’s just that the longer it went on, the harder it was to find a way to stop it. Nan was right in pushing us together today. The only problem is, I don’t know what happens next.’

‘How did you leave it with your mum?’

‘She said she’d like it if we could keep in touch. Even if it’s just the odd text or phone call.’

‘So text her.’

‘What, now?’

‘Yes. Tell her it was good to talk. Tell her you want to find a way to move forward too, but you need to do it slowly.’

‘Just like that?’

‘Yes. Do it now.’

Jay frowned. ‘And what if she doesn’t reply?’

Emma smiled and handed him his phone. ‘I have a feeling she will.’