Page 65 of The Wolves of Forest Grove

Ididn’t mean to fall asleep.

The minutes stretched into hours as I waited for Jared to return home last night. The last I could remember was the burning in my eyes and the heaviness of my eyelids before I must’ve passed out.

Something woke me, though. A shifting movement that wasn’t my own. My eyes didn’t want to open yet, and I had to force them, my pulse quickening as I startled into wakefulness to find the source of the movement.

I stilled, noticing the hand slung over the lower part of my leg. Propping myself up on my elbow, I gushed a sigh of relief when I found Jared there, sprawled at the end of the bed with one leg sticking off the side and one side of his face pressed into the covers.

He breathed deeply in his sleep. A streak of dirt ran up from his lip to curve over his cheek like war paint.

His dirty blonde hair flopped over his forehead, shining in the dawn light filtering in through my window.

Unconsciously, I reached over to brush it away from his eye, wincing when I saw a small trail of blood beneath.

He’d been hurt. But he’d healed—leaving only the blood behind as evidence he was injured at all.

Jared didn’t stir. Not when I woke or when I brushed his hair away. He was in such a deep sleep I had to resist the urge to double check his pulse and check to see that he would wake.

Let him sleep, I told myself.

“I have to tell you something,” I whispered, my voice so quiet I wasn’t sure he’d have properly heard even if he were awake.

I shivered as the memory of Clay’s fingers on my body—of his lips on mine—raced across my thoughts. How was I going to tell him?

How could I tell him he was right?

That there was something between Clay and me. And that I couldn’t deny it any more than I could deny what was between me and Jared.

I gulped, running my fingers through his smooth hair. He let out a small sound, something halfway between a sigh and a groan, and I pulled my hand away, not ready to wake him.

Not ready to face him.

Even though my body had begun to buzz with anticipation for what the day would bring, I found my eyes were still heavy. It couldn’t have been very late yet. I yawned.

I could sleep just a little bit longer.

I adjusted the blanket to cover Jared, though it felt like a crime covering up his naked chest and abs. I had to look away before my gaze strayed too low. His khaki shorts were hanging so low on his hips I could tell with a single glance that he wasn’t wearing anything under them.

Once he looked at least a bit more comfortable, I sunk back down into the mattress, pressing my legs against his body and allowing his exhaustion and sense of calm to drag me back under.

The second time I awoke, my head felt heavy, as though filled with lead.

It always happened when I let myself go back to sleep after waking the first time.

With a groan, I turned over, feeling around the bed with my legs for Jared.

But when my toes poked through the edge of the blanket and found empty air, I forced myself up.

“Jared?” I whispered, wondering for a fleeting second if I imagined him there. But when I drew back the covers at the end of the bed, I found that little traces of dirt beneath and his scent still lingered in his absence.

I rubbed the backs of my hands over my eyes and noticed my phone next to my elbow in the bed, flashing with missed notifications.

Shit.

Had he needed to leave again?

With sleep-numbed fingers I lifted it, squinting at the screen’s brightness before my eyes adjusted.

I had a missed call from Uncle Tim that I’d need to return later, and three texts. One from Layla and two from Vivian.

Nothing from Jared. I strained my ears to reach the lower level of the cabin, trying to hear for anything downstairs, but heard nothing.

Where the hell did he go?

The time glowed white in the upper corner of my phone, telling me it was almost one in the afternoon. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d slept past nine in the morning, never mind all the way until the afternoon. No wonder I felt like shit warmed up.

I punched my pillows into a backrest and leaned against the creaky headboard to open the texts from my friends.

They were both asking me to go with them to the drive-in tonight. Layla texted to ask if I got Viv’s message and if I could come, and Viv texted begging me to save her from being the third wheel because Layla was insisting on bringing Quinn.

I wondered if she was using the fancy new phone case I’d given her for her birthday.

It was matte black with shining gold stars and some sort of runic design on the back.

It had screamed Layla when I spied it in the shop and I was a little disappointed I hadn’t been there when she opened it.

But the gushing thank you text told me what I wasn’t there to witness myself.

I smirked, but then paused before replying, remembering in a rush what was happening tonight as my mind caught up with my body and woke. Fuck. Grimacing, I thumbed a quick reply to Viv.

Allie: Sorry, can’t. There’s something I have to do.

See you guys tomorrow, k?

I left it at that, hoping the final tone of the message would let them know my mind couldn’t be changed and save me from five more messages trying to convince me.

I’d put this off long enough.

I remembered the crimson smear on Jared’s brow and shuddered. No one else was going to get hurt because of me. I’d already caused enough pain and suffering and death in my seventeen years. I could get over my issue with submitting to Ryland if it meant peace.

I could live with that choice. Right?

I rolled my head around to get the crick out of my neck as I hauled my heavy bones from bed and dug through the pile of too-clean-to-wash-but-too-dirty- to-put-away laundry on the wooden chair in the corner.

I picked out a fresh(ish) pair of jeans and a t- shirt of Viv’s that was a bit big on me, but comfy as hell and stumbled into the shower.

Eager to get the campfire smell out of my hair.

The telltale bang of the screen door against the frame was what finally drew me out of the warm embrace of the water and out into the chill of the bathroom, feet protesting the icy tile.

“Jared?” I called as I wrapped a towel around myself and set to quickly brushing my hair.

When he called back, “Yeah, I’m down here,” I didn’t know whether to be relieved or start panicking. Relieved he was still home. Panicked because his tone was uncharacteristically drawn, and I had a pretty good idea why that might be.

Time to face the music, Allie.

“I’ll be right down,” I hollered back, rushing to make myself presentable. I pulled the brush through all the tangles in my hair, wondering if some of them were caused by Clay’s fingers, feeling alternatingly guilty as hell and turned on at the thought.

It’s not right.

Nothing about this is normal.

I shouldn’t be falling for two guys.

I felt dirty and slimy and almost got back in the shower to try to rid myself of the feeling but didn’t. It wasn’t my fault, or at least that’s what I tried to tell myself. It was my wolf. She bonded to them both. Not me. She wasn’t giving me a choice and I was tired of fighting.

The excuses did little to assuage my thoughts, but I kept pumping them out anyway, hoping for one that could stick. One that I could make myself believe.

Quit stalling, I told myself, fingers curled around the porcelain sink. Jared’s waiting. Get your ass out that door.

Walking down the stairs was like walking the fucking plank.

Each step drawing me nearer to certain doom.

When I found Jared sitting alone at the small table beside the window—the one we’d eaten at together that very first morning here, I was reminded of everything he’d done for me since I came here and that only made it ten times harder to slide myself into the seat opposite him and bring my chin up to meet his eyes.

“So,” I said, hating the awkward tone of my voice. I wasn’t any good at this kind of stuff. Never had to be before. “What happened last night? You were bleeding? Did—uh—did anyone get hurt?”

My hands clasped and unclasped in my lap beneath the table.

Jared shook his head. “Nothing bad. Just some scratches. Seth got bit pretty bad, but he’s already mostly healed.”

I would’ve asked what they wanted, but I had a feeling I already knew. “They were looking for me, weren’t they?”

Jared didn’t answer, his face turning to stone as he shifted his gaze out the window to the subdued light of a cloud-covered day.

“Don’t worry about it,” Jared said in a faraway voice. “We won’t let anything happen to you.”

My stomach soured. “Jared, I need to—”

“Clay already told me,” he countered, eyes still trained on something outside.

That was what I was afraid of. I knew Clay wouldn’t hide something like that from his best friend. Of course, he would tell him. But what exactly had he said? Did he apologize? Did he say he wouldn’t ever do it again? Or…had he said what I’m about to say?

The words were caught in my throat, dancing on the tip of my tongue. He needed to know the truth. My truth. Regardless of what Clay said.

I bowed my head. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t—”

“Wait,” I interrupted, glancing up to find him watching me. It took all my will to keep from looking away from his pain-filled stare. “Let me get this out.”

His adams apple bobbed and his brows lowered, but he waited.

Without knowing how to put it delicately, I just blurted the thoughts as they came, needing to break the dam and get it all out in the open. It was the only way we would ever be able to find our way through this mess. We had to be honest.

“You were right,” I began. “There is something between Clay and me. I just didn’t know exactly what it was until last night.

Or, wait, that’s not actually true. I did know before, I just didn’t want it.

I was trying to fight it. Just like I was trying to fight what was happening between me and you. ”

Jared paled and his knuckles whitened where they gripped the handle of the mug on the table.

“I can’t choose,” I told him, evicting the words quickly to get this over with. “It would be like…” I fought to find a way to explain. “Like cutting off a limb or something. And even if I wanted to, my wolf would never allow it.”

“It’s not your wolf,” Jared said. “It’s the mate bond.”

He sighed. “I shouldn’t have ever put you in this position. I shouldn’t have been glad when Clay said he would back down. I shouldn’t have let him do that. The bond is sacred. We’re taught that from pups,” he gave a tight, strained laugh, shaking his head.

“And I completely disrespected it. And him. And you.”

This…was not what I was expecting. He was too good. Way too good of a person. I didn’t deserve him. I didn’t think I could ever deserve him.

“Don’t be sorry,” was all I could think to say. “It’s a fucked-up situation.”

He licked his lips. “Yeah. Super fucked up.”

There was a long moment of silence between us and the tension started to make the hairs on the back of my neck raise. “So,” I said tentatively. “Where does this leave us?”

We could just all be friends. Ignore the urges to be more.

Or…and this one hurt…I could leave. It was an option I’d been toying with for a couple days now. My leaving would save everyone a lot of grief.

It would stop virtually every problem with the pack. It would leave room for Jared and Clay’s friendship to heal. They could find other girls to date. It wouldn’t be the same, but at least those relationships would be easier.

They would be normal.

And I could still see Layla and Viv. They would come visit me. We could FaceTime. I’d be eighteen next month. I could leave and no one could stop me.

“I don’t know,” Jared said, taking a steadying breath. A breathy laugh came out with his long sigh. “Maybe Hazel was right.”

I cocked my head at him, wondering about which part. “What do you—”

The door banged open and Clay appeared in the kitchen, rubbing the dirt from the bottom of his boots. His eyes flitted to mine for a fraction of an instant. There was a question in them—in the tight line of his mouth.

He seemed to be asking without the need for words,

we good?

The relief was like a baby grand piano had been lifted from my chest. When our eyes met again, I gave him a tiny nod, and his posture relaxed.

Then his brows drew together. “Hey,” he said, peering over to look at something in the kitchen. The clock on the stove. “Don’t you work today?”

I groaned, letting my head drop like a stone into my hands. “Fuck, I completely forgot.”

I’d taken an earlier shift since it was a PA day to make up for missing Saturday. I was practically already late.

“What time are you working until?” Jared asked, and I didn’t miss how he was carefully avoiding making eye contact with Clay.

“Eight. I have to do returns after hours tonight.” Jared nodded. “Okay. I’ll take you if you want.”

Clay busied himself getting a glass of water and Jared got up to grab his keys from the hook. “And I’ll pick you up after with Clay—we’ll have to go straight to the four corners to meet with Ryland after. I told him I’d have you there by nine.”

The what?

“Uh, okay, yeah. Sounds good,” I said, even though warning bells were ringing, and my wolf was waking, and it definitely definitely did not sound good. “I’m going to run up and change really quick. Meet you outside?”

I left before either of them could see or feel the panic rising within me like an evening tide. By the time I came back downstairs, I’d be calm. Collected. They wouldn’t know that I was on the verge of total meltdown.

I can do this.

I can do this.