Page 138 of The Wolves of Forest Grove

Layla and Viv were there for me when I dragged my suddenly very heavy feet through the front door. They’d curled themselves up on the couch in the living room and had a movie playing on the tv that really didn’t ever get much use.

They didn’t ask me any questions as I strode past them and up the stairs to shower the blood off my hands and discard my crimson splattered shirt.

They still didn’t ask me a damned thing when I came out of the bathroom and found them both on my bed waiting for me with an icy cold whiskey and understanding expressions.

Maybe it was the fact that they didn’t ask, or maybe that I saw no judgement in their eyes, that made me want to tell them, but after a time—and two whiskeys—I did just that.

They didn’t try to hide their surprise, but I got no sense from them that they thought what I did was wrong.

I didn’t stop at admitting I’d just killed a witch, though.

I’d already told them how he’d been following me, trying to get me to go with him to speak to an Arcane Council member.

The whole pack knew that now, otherwise bringing him to the moon chamber for questioning would have led to too many questions of their own.

But I also shared with Viv and Layla my suspicion that Gregory was to blame for the missing wolves and my fear that they wouldn’t be coming back.

That I’d failed them.

We had planned to wait up until Seth and Destiny returned from Portland and Clay from burying the witch’s corpse, but by the time Clay returned, the three of us girls had fallen asleep in my bed. The whiskey sending us off with a wave and a warmth deep in our bellies.

I awoke to the soft press of lips against my forehead and the shifting of blankets as Clay drew them up to cover me and the girls.

He whispered to me to go back to sleep, brushing a knuckle down the length of my jaw in a way that made me shiver before he left.

I wasn’t able to fall back asleep until the shower had stopped running and I sensed Clay shifting and curling up to sleep below the window outside in his wolf form.

Knowing he was close, not only so that he could protect us, but also so I could protect him if needed, allowed me to drift back into a black and dreamless sleep.

I sensed him coming as the grip of a restless sleep eased and I blinked into the barely-there light of early morning. Jared. A sigh of relief blew out through my lips as I carefully maneuvered myself from the bed, careful not to wake Layla and Viv just yet.

I tiptoed to the door and down the stairs, skipping all the boards that I knew creaked underfoot so I wouldn’t wake Clay outside, either.

I inched the door open and shut behind me and took off toward the trees at the edge of camp, where I could sense him approaching on quiet bare feet over the hard packed dirt.

The sun hadn’t begun to rise in earnest yet, and a chill still clung to the air that told me it was likely not even five am yet.

I shivered, wrapping my arms around myself as I slipped past a few of the smaller cabins and into the trees.

The scents overwhelmed my still- waking senses, and I breathed in the grounding bouquet of wet earth and cold pine as I waited for Jared to find me.

It didn’t take long. About a minute later I spotted him walking through the foliage in his human form. A pair of khakis riding low on his hips.

“Hey,” I said lamely when he was close enough to hear, fighting a blush.

He smirked, sighing as he came to a full stop a couple of feet away. “Hey.”

“We should talk—”

“I couldn’t sleep—”

We spoke at the same time, and Jared bit his lower lip, tucking his hands deeply into his pockets. “You first.”

“No, you go.”

He pursed his lips. “Okay. I…”

He scratched the back of his head, making some of the dirty blond strands stick straight up. “I’m sorry I freaked out. I shouldn’t have left.”

My jaw set of its own accord, and my wolf woke within, prowling. Usually, my guys could do no wrong in her eyes, but on this one, she agreed with me. Neither of us were fucking happy.

“I’m not what you seem to think I am,” I replied, my hands clenching, drawing his attention. “You...you put me on this pedestal like I’m perfect—like I can do no wrong, you always have. But that’s not true. That’s not who I am, Jare.”

His brows drew down, shadowing his amber eyes as a muscle in his jaw ticked. “That’s not fair, Allie.”

“Not fair?” I demanded, hating how my voice was growing in volume but completely unable to help it. He’d hurt me last night. Just leaving like that. Making me feel his disgust. His shock. His fucking dismay at what I had to do.

“What’s not fair is having to feel your judgement after I did something you knew damned well needed to be done. I am willing to do whatever it takes to protect my family.”

My voice broke on the last word, remembering what it was like before.

Living with the ghost of my dad after my mom died giving birth to me until he died too, succumbing to his illness without putting up a fight.

Hell, even my aunt and uncle ditched me within a few months of taking me in after he was gone.

For years Layla and Viv had been my only family while I lived alone out in the woods, barely surviving on berries and oatmeal because I didn’t want to burden anyone.

Things were different now, though. I had a family. A real one. This pack meant more to me than I could ever express in words and it wasn’t just my alpha wolf that felt fiercely protective over them, it was my human side, too.

I’d die for any one of them. And I wouldn’t stop at killing Gregory if the threat against them persisted. I’d end the life of anyone involved in hurting my pack. Not just because it was my job, but because I wanted to. Needed to. I wanted to earn their respect, their friendship. Their loyalty.

“Whatever. It. Takes,” I reinforced when Jared made no reply, instead, staring at me like there were a thousand things he wanted to say but had no idea where to begin.

Fine, if he didn’t want to talk this through then I wasn’t going to make him.

A short snarl fell from my lips as I spun on my heel, ready to go back to the cabin and dump half a bottle of Bailey’s into a coffee so I could get through whatever the fuck today decided to throw at me.

His hand closed around my wrist, stopping me dead, and I tore my arm from his grip, baring my teeth.

“What?”

His lips parted but no sound came out. Pain ripped through me, sent like a vibration down the mate bond straight from his heart to mine. I winced, guilt hedging in to blot out the anger trying to take hold.

“What, Jared?” I asked again, more softly this time, my chest heaving. Then even more softly, “I needed you. I needed you to support me, to be there for me, and you weren’t.”

“There’s nothing I can say to make up for that,” he gritted out, lifting his hard gaze to mine. “But you’re wrong about something.”

I waited for him to continue, trying to keep a level head and not make this worse than it already was.

“You are exactly who I thought you were,” he said finally. “Stronger than I could ever be.”

His Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat.

“You’re right that it was hard to watch you do what you needed to—”

“Eliminate the threat,” I amended, speaking the words he was clearly too afraid to voice aloud.

He nodded. “It was hard to watch, not because I was disgusted at you or horrified or any shit like that. It was hard because I’m not sure I’d have had the strength to do it myself.”

My nose wrinkled, confusion muddying my thoughts.

“The mantle of alpha was always meant to eventually pass to me from Ry. And...I can’t help thinking that I would’ve been absolute shit at it.

I’m weak, Allie. A coward. You barely flinched while you took out the most likely threat against our pack.

I felt your resolve like a cement wall. No cracks.

No second guessing. You knew in your bones it was the right thing. The only thing.”

He shook his head, letting his gaze finally drop.

“I don’t think any less of you, Allie. I envy you. I envy your strength. And it fucking eats at me that you have to be the one to deal with all this shit when it should’ve been me.”

“No,” I choked out, stepping in closer and forcing him to look at me.

“You don’t get to do that. If it weren’t for you, I’d be dead or worse by now.

My psycho ex would’ve killed me when I didn’t mate him after he bit me.

If not for you, I’d have remained homeless.

Alone. You’ve given me more than I’ve ever had. ”

“And taken away more than I could ever replace.”

“Shut the fuck up.”

His eyes narrowed.

“You are strong, Jared. I know it even if you don’t because I can feel it here.” I pounded a fist over my heart. “And because I’ve seen it with my own eyes. If I wasn’t here I know you’d be able to step up and do whatever you needed to for this pack, but I am here, and I’m glad it’s me.”

I realized how much it might hurt me if I had to watch him do something that might taint his self- image or moral views. If I had to watch a darkness creep over his soul like the one that had already begun to creep over mine long before I had to kill Gregory.

It was a callusing of the spirit. A building of resilience. Born of understanding that in the many many years to come there would be trials you needed to face and you needed to face them head on without apologizing.

Jared looked doubtful at my admission, but he didn’t argue.

“Does that mean you’ll forgive me for being an ass and taking off on you?” he asked with a hopeful gleam in his eye. I knew he was just trying to get out of the conversation, and I was hesitant to let him, but when he threaded his fingers through mine, I gave in.

I licked my dry lips and tugged on his hand. “I forgave you about three seconds after you left, but I fully expect at least a week’s worth of groveling.”