Page 21 of The Weight Of It All

Lillian put her hand up and stopped me. “Henry. It’s quite the opposite actually. It’s been noted you’ve been talking and laughing with a few people around the office, which is new. And I’m led to believe this new Monday morning tea that everyone’s talking about was your idea.”

“Oh. Well, accidentally, yes.” Lillian waited for me to explain.

“I brought in a citrus tart for Melinda, and she shared it with everyone, and so the idea was born. If it’s a problem, I can tell everyone to stop.

Though we have made a note of allergies and religious concerns to make sure it’s safe for everyone. ”

Lillian smiled. “It’s no problem. In fact, I think it’s a great idea. It’s been a great morale booster throughout our floor, and whether it was started accidentally or a planned initiative, Henry, you’re to be congratulated.”

“Oh. But it was really Melinda’s idea…”

“And the change in your inter-office relationships? For six years you’ve barely spoken freely with anyone, but now you are.”

“Is that a bad thing?”

“No, not at all. Just a noted change. I walked past some people and overheard them saying how nice this change is in you. Is everything okay?” She seemed to sense my hesitancy. “You can speak freely with me, Henry.”

“Yes, thank you. Everything’s fine.” I was going to leave it at that, but her imploring gaze made me panic. “I found myself suddenly single after eight years.”

“Oh.” She schooled her features quickly. “I’m sorry to hear that.”

“I was too. But as it turns out, there have been some silver linings.”

“Well, I’m glad, Henry. Did you need some personal time?”

“No, no. In fact, I feel like I’ve been more focused and have more energy for work than before.

” Then my filterless brain went on a possibly career-ending rampage without me.

“See, I’ve started a new exercise program because my ex decided I was too old and fat for the life he wanted to live.

Anyway, I have a personal trainer now and a new dietary plan.

I work out three times a week, and I feel great.

I didn’t in the beginning, I thought I was going to die, but now I feel so much better.

It doesn’t hurt that my personal trainer is lovely and sexy as hell, even though he’s making me do the Bay Run, which might possibly kill me, I’m kind of looking forward to the challenge. ”

Lillian stared at me, her expression unreadable.

“Okay, sorry, this is generally why I don’t speak freely at work. When I first started here, Graham thought it would be best if I didn’t engage in conversation, for reasons which are now clearly obvious.”

“Graham?”

Oh crap . I cleared my throat. “Ah, yes. He would be my now ex-partner.”

Lillian continued to eye me, and eventually she gave a small smile. “Henry, I was unaware you are gay.”

And suddenly I felt stripped bare and very defensive. I swallowed hard and took a second to speak. “I trust it’s not an issue.”

Her eyes softened and she held up her hand. “Not at all. I’m just sorry you felt you couldn’t tell me sooner.” Then she tilted her head. “Is that the real reason you never attended any Christmas parties?”

“Mainly. That and my lack of ability to hold conversations without rambling like a socially inept unit, much like I am now. Add the possibility of alcohol at a Christmas party, and I’d be singing Les Mis on tables and giving people unsolicited fashion tips.”

Lillian fought a smile. “I see.”

I sighed. “I can talk about work, figures, statistics, and probabilities all day long. Give me reports and data files, and I use them like a shield. But talking freely about personal subjects has always been a concern. Sorry. I’m trying to do better, but I lack a filter, and after all these years of not engaging in conversation with anyone I work with, it’s not an easy feat. ”

“Well, I’m glad you’re trying. It’s been a welcome change to see you smiling this last week or so. And I want in on the Monday morning tea thing.”

“Well, I don’t think there’s any left. It was really good today.”

She laughed. “No, I mean I want to cook something and bring it in.”

“Oh! Yes, for sure! I think there’s a list in the breakroom where you can add your name on which Monday suits you best. I think the others would love that.”

Lillian smiled. “I’ll do that. Oh, and just a heads up, I’ll be away for two weeks next month, and I’ve listed you to be my replacement again. I know two weeks is the longest you’ve had to assume that responsibility, but I think you’re up for it.”

“Yes, of course! I’d love that.” I couldn’t help but smile. “Two weeks? Where are you off to this time? I wasn’t aware of any scheduled conferences next month.”

“No, this is personal leave.”

“Oh. Sorry, I didn’t mean to assume...”

“It’s fine Henry. My partner, Megan ”—she gave me a pointed stare—“insisted I take a vacation. So I’m taking her to Tahiti.”

I almost laughed. She was a lesbian? I had no idea.

But it explained her smooth reaction to finding out I was gay, and I understood very clearly this was not news she shared with many.

I felt privileged and honoured that she’d shared it with me.

“I hope you both have a lovely time. You deserve a break. You’ve worked nonstop for months. ”

“That was Megan’s argument.”

I stood up, and figuring hugging her was unprofessional and giving her a fistbump and saying ‘gay power’ wasn’t strictly code either, I said, “Thank you, Lillian.”

She gave me a warm smile. “Any time. If you ever need to talk, my door is always open. And Henry, I like that you’re being more yourself now. There’s been a few more smiles around the office lately, and that hasn’t gone unnoticed.”

I gave her a nod. “Thanks.”

I went back to my office, still unsure to the underlying purpose of the meeting, and Melinda quickly closed the doors behind me. She looked around like a meerkat. “Well?”

“I don’t really know what that meeting was about.”

“What did she say?”

“Just that my now talking to people has been noticed, and the Monday morning tea share thing is to be commended. I told her it was your idea, by the way.”

“So no one is being made redundant?”

“No.”

“She just wanted to chat with you?”

I nodded. “I told her I’m gay.”

Melinda blinked, then blinked again. “Why?”

“Well, I just started talking, and you know how that usually ends for me. With the mindless babbling, uncensored drivel…”

She nodded knowingly. “And?”

“And nothing. She just wished I’d felt more comfortable to tell her earlier.”

Melinda looked around my office like she was seeing it for the first time. “Wow.”

“I know, right? And she’s going on two weeks annual leave next month, and she wanted to know if I was comfortable in stepping up for that length of time.”

“Henry, that’s incredible!”

“It is,” I agreed. This was better than any promotion I’d got.

Normally those were a formal application with a formal approval, but this was an informal, personal chat with the boss.

And not even the Australian Government Residual Interest Report in my in-tray, which meant I’d be here until late, could dampen my mood.

I still had a bounce in my step when I got to the gym the next morning. “Hey,” Reed greeted me with his usual cheerful smile. “You’re looking bright-eyed today.”

“I am. And you’re going to tell me there’s no workout today, only coffee.”

He grinned and waved a piece of paper in front of me. “Actually, I have your new workout all done. You’ll be ready for the Bay Run in two weeks.”

“Two weeks?” My voice squeaked. “What happened to next month?”

“You’re ready now,” he stated. “You could do the Bay Run today.”

“Sure I could. But I’d rather run it and then not die.”

Reed laughed. “You’re not going to die. And you’re not even going to run it. Not the whole way, anyway. I have it in your new schedule here, jogging then walking, alternating for five kilometres.”

“You mispronounced no workout only coffee. I’m pretty sure that’s what you were going to say.”

He just chuckled. “Come on. Treadmill time.”

“I hate the treadmill.”

“I thought you hated the elliptical.”

“I hate them equally. I can’t have one thinking it’s the favourite.”

I took out my water bottle and sweat towel and stepped up onto the treadmill while he programed something into it. “I can’t be running 5Ks before work. I’ll be hopeless at work all day.”

Reed jumped up onto the treadmill next to mine and pressed a bunch of buttons. “No you won’t. You’ll be surprised, Henry.”

“I’ll be surprised if I don’t die. ”

He laughed again, not taking me seriously at all. And I was serious. This was going to kill me.

“So…” Reed looked at me a little apprehensively. “Any particular reason for the good mood?”

“Just a good day at work yesterday.”

His smile was immediate, as if he was relieved? “Oh, I thought Sauron might’ve finally called you back.”

“What? No, no. And even if he did,” I said without doubt, “I wouldn’t be interested.”

Now he grinned and clapped his huge hand on my shoulder. “Good. You’re better than he deserves.” Then he hit the start button on his treadmill and told me to do the same. And we jogged and walked and jogged and walked for five kilometres side by side.

I didn’t even die.