Page 73 of The Way I Used to Be

We don’t talk or even look at each other for the rest of the day. And then Saturday goes by with nothing. She calls on Sunday. I let it go straight to voice mail but listen to it immediately:

“Hi. It’s me. Look, I’m really sorry I forgot your birthday. Maybe I have been a shitty friend. I’m sorry about what I said to you. I mean, I’m sorry about the way I said it. I was serious though, Edy. And I think we should probably talk about it. So, just call me back when you get this. Okay, bye.”

I WALK TO SCHOOLon Monday, getting there way too early. I use the time to clean out my locker. I hear footsteps walking lightly—I know it’s Mara without even needing to look. I pretend I don’t see her, even though we’re the only two people in the entire hall.

“Hi,” she says, standing next to me. “I stopped by your house. Your mom said you left early.”

I don’t respond. Just continue rummaging through the papers that have gotten crammed into the bottom of my locker.

“What, you’re not talking to me now?” she asks, her voice sharp.

I finally turn to face her.

“Thought I’d hear from you over the weekend,” she continues. “Didn’t you get my message?”

“Yeah, I did,” I finally answer.

“Okay, so you were just never going to call me back?”

“Well, that wasn’t quite the apology I was looking forward to, Mara.”

“You don’t think you owe me an apology too?”

We stand there opposite each other, our arms crossed, both waiting for the other to say it first.

“Okay. I really am sorry about what I said,” I admit. “I don’t think you’re pathetic for being with Cameron. And I do want you to be happy, I promise. You just—you really hurt my feelings.”

“Edy, I know. I have felt so guilty about what I said to you, really, I didn’t mean it the way it came out. I’m just worried about you, that’s all. And I am the biggest effing idiot in the entire universe for forgetting your birthday. I still can’t believe I did that!”

“No, it’s okay, really. I overreacted.”

“No. It was really, really shitty of me. It’s unforgivable.”

“It’s not unforgivable,” I tell her. “We’re allowed one fight in seven years, right? How about I forgive you if you forgive me?”

“Deal.” She smiles.

“So...” I knew she’d been dying to tell me. “How was it?”

She takes a deep breath and sighs, falling against the lockers, gazing up at the ceiling dreamily. “Amazing. It was so great, Edy, really. I never thought I would feel this way about anyone. Wait, I can’t talk about this here. Let’s get outta here before anyone sees us—we’ll go get breakfast, sign in late. My treat, okay?”

I slam my locker closed. “Hey, you had me at ‘Let’s get outta here,’?” I say with a laugh. We run for the nearest exit.

CAELIN COMES HOME FORThanksgiving as planned. He tries to act like things are fine between us, but we both know better. After dinner on Friday he comes to my room, knocking on my door. He pokes his head inside, and says, “So, Edy—tomorrow? You and me. We still on?”

“I guess.” I shrug.

“Great.” He smiles, then stands there awkwardly. “Well, I’m heading out, so...” He raises his hand to wave, starts to walk away.

“I’m heading out too,” I call after him, like it’s some kind of competition.

He reappears in my doorway. “You are?”

“Yeah, so?”

“Nothing,” he says, but he gives me this grave look. “Just, you know, please be careful, okay, Edy?”

I roll my eyes and go back to picking out clothes from my closet.