Page 40 of The Valiant Knight (The Ravensmire Chronicles #2)

As the man reached around, he brutalized his dick, forcing him to cum.

“Look at the whore,” the man whispered in his ear. “I bet you liked it too,” he added.

No, he didn’t like it.

It was all he had left in his life, and he knew it. This was his end. Now, Graham was just going through the motions until the time came and he got unlucky.

Because he hated himself.

When the stranger shoved him to his knees, ripped off the condom, and shoved his dick down his throat, he fucked his face until he came.

The whole time, Graham felt defiled.

His whole life was this clusterfuck. Gone were the days of making love to the man he couldn’t live without, and here were the days he was nothing but some stranger’s cum dumpster.

My how the mighty had fallen.

Wherever D’Artangnan was, he hoped and prayed his life was far better than this.

Graham would carry this for them both as his big sin. It was only fair. He was being punished for mistakes he couldn’t undo.

As the last of the man’s cum filled his belly, his date pulled free from his battered lips.

“Such a whore,” he said, laughing. “That’s why you’re popular on the loo wall. I have a feeling you’re going to get more calls.”

The stranger dropped some cash onto Graham’s body.

“Thanks for that fuck,” he said. “You’re a good cum dumpster. I’ll update the bathroom wall. That was well worth the money for the booze.”

And in that moment, he knew he’d never come back from this. He was now nothing more than some whore.

As he sat there, his ass on the ground, and cum on his jeans, Graham wanted to die.

Alone.

In the alley.

His heart hurt, and he knew he was officially done. Now, all Graham wanted was to silence the demons. That meant breaking one last promise.

To Gryphen.

Pulling out his phone, he composed the text. With so much pain, he typed out the message, knowing it would be his last. He only had one friend left. Well, two, if you counted the couple.

Honestly, he couldn’t sit through their wedding. It would kill him. Watching Finn find happiness had broken one more piece of him, knowing he’d never be loved again.

‘Gryphen, I won’t be available for your wedding. I know I promised you I would, but I just can’t do it. The medal will get to you. I’m sorry. Please know that I really tried. It became way too much of a burden to carry.’

He hit send, pulled up his pants, and sat there, contemplating how to escape. As he did, his phone began ringing.

It was a blocked number.

At first, he didn’t plan on answering it. But why not? Maybe it was another man, and he’d finish him off in the alley, and he wouldn’t have to be brave.

“Hello,” he whispered.

That’s when he heard him.

“It’s me. Where are you? What can I do for you?” Gryphen asked, worried about the man.

Immediately, tears filled Graham’s eyes. No one could help him. The only way he could be saved was if by some miracle, D’Artangnan came back.

And that was never happening.

“There’s nothing anyone can do, Gryphen. I’m empty. I’m so goddamn empty and the pain is too much.”

That’s when he started crying.

The man on the phone was scared stupid, and he knew that he had to do something. He could hear him slurring his words, and he wasn’t sure if he was drunk, or a whole bottle into some pills.

“Tell me where you are,” he ordered. “Tell me, Graham, or I’ll have to get on a flight to come find you. Tell me!”

He didn’t know why he did it, but he told him the name of the bar.

“I’m in an alley behind it. I just…”

Gryphen had his phone on speaker, and Ian was right behind him. Scribbling on a notepad, he showed it to his man so he could help him as he distracted Graham long enough to get him help.

Ian was worried, and he read the message his fiancé scribbled down.

‘Tony is there. Give him the information and tell him to go get him. ASAP. Tell him it’s life or death. I’ll distract Graham until he can get there.’

Ian had his mission, and immediately, he started calling the other man.

This was dire, and he knew it.

Graham had hit rock bottom, and it was a matter of keeping him alive.

“Talk to me, Graham. Keep talking to me. Tell me what’s going on. I can get you on a plane and get you here. I can come there. Just tell me how to save you.”

His words were painful. They beat at him as he was doing battle with that one demon.

PTSD.

It had him by the balls, and ironically, it wasn’t the war that did this to him. It was letting D’Artangnan leave.

“I’m empty,” he whispered. “I can’t hold on any longer. I don’t want to live.”

Well, shit.

This was bad.

As for what he was saying, Gryphen knew that feeling, so he tried to do battle for his friend.

“It’s going to get better. I promise you, Graham, it’s going to get better. Listen to me!”

Graham didn’t believe that. There was no way this pain would ever stop. It was way too much for him to carry, and now, it was drowning him.

“I need a favor,” Graham admitted.

Gryphen would play along. After all, he was trying to keep him on the phone for as long as he could, and it wasn’t easy.

“What is it?” he asked.

He wiped his eyes.

“In my room, there’s a box. When I’m gone, get the box, and I need you to find someone.”

He didn’t like this.

Not.

At.

All.

Gryphen knew he was struggling, but this was bad. He was checking out.

The fight had just gotten real.

Graham kept talking.

“Find D’Artangnan Graves. He was a Captain in the Marines. He’s the man I loved and still love. Get the box to him. He’ll understand once he sees it. He’ll know I didn’t make it. Please.”

Gryphen was stalling.

When Ian came back in, he nodded and mouthed one thing.

‘Tony is on the way.’

Well, thank freaking God.

Now, it was about keeping the man alive until help got to him. He had to talk him down. Since he’d brought up a man’s name, he went there.

“Where is he?” he asked. “How do I find D’Artangnan?”

Graham was crying.

“I don’t know. I let him leave, and I’ve never been able to find him.

Find him for me, and tell him that I’m sorry.

Tell him that he was right. No one would ever love me like he did, and that I couldn’t hold on to see if he’d come back.

Tell him I loved him to the very end, and that I regretted letting him go. Tell him that he was my soulmate.”

Gryphen wouldn’t let him die. He’d lost too many soldier friends to suicide. He’d been to too many funerals, and nearly lost the battle himself. The only reasons he was still there were the Blackhawks.

They found him and gave him a purpose.

Now, he had to do the same.

“No. You’re not quitting on me. If I find him, and I have to tell him this, you’ll hurt him. Don’t hurt him too,” he said, going with his gut. “If he hears that, he’ll die inside too. What if he wants to find you too?” he asked.

Graham sniffled.

Gryphen kept going.

“What if he’s out there looking for you, Graham? Have you ever thought about that? Give me some time to find him and talk to him. I’ll go to Elizabeth and Callen, and I’ll get their help. Just give me some time. Let me see if I can locate him. Then, you’ll know what happened to him.”

That didn’t upset him.

In fact, it calmed him down.

Marginally.

A part of him always needed to know what had happened to D’Artangnan. He wanted to make sure he survived the breakup and moved on with his life.

He hadn’t.

If D’Artangnan was fine, then he could let go. It was the last part of this, and all he needed to tell him was that he was sorry.

Then, he’d be free.

“Yes, please,” he said. “Please find him for me.”

Oh, he was still going to leave, but at least he’d stop picturing the man miserable and alone like him. There was always that hope that he would still be out there thinking about him.

Gryphen had bought them some time.

“Okay, Graham. Tony is coming for you, and you’re going to go home and NOT do anything stupid. If you make me come to your funeral, Graham, it’s going to be rough. Don’t make me do this. I don’t think I can handle it.”

For now, he wouldn’t.

Because there was that spark of curiosity, and the chance that they’d find D’Artangnan.

Once he found out D’Artangnan was happy, he could call it a life. That was the only thing left. They’d promised each other to be there until the end, and Graham needed to know that the man survived.

He’d make amends and go.

“Just find him for me, and let me know he’s okay. I just need to know that I didn’t damn him to the same fate as me. I need to know he moved on and found love.”

The whole time having this conversation, Gryphen’s heart was pounding in his chest.

This man was seriously at rock bottom.

Glancing over at Ian, he nodded. It looked like his man was making another call.

To get Elizabeth’s help.

“You can do this,” he said. “What are you doing right now.”

He laughed sardonically.

“I’m sitting in an alley after letting some nameless man fuck me so I can feel. I can’t do this. Clearly.”

Gryphen got tough.

“Soldier, you will stop that. You can and will do this. Do it for D’Artangnan. Do it for all of the men you served with who didn’t make it home!”

He said nothing.

Why?

Because he knew he was selfish. Of all the men who died in the wars he fought, every one of them would have given everything to have a chance to keep going.

Unfortunately, the universe picked him.

Gryphen kept him talking, and he wasn’t sure how much time went by, but finally, they both heard a very familiar voice.

“Graham? It’s Tony. Are you here?” the doctor asked, peeking into the alley.

When he’d gotten the call, he’d been putting Ceit’s skull back together, and Ian sounded frantic. So he’d raced right out to help Graham.

Thank.

Freaking.

God.

Gryphen released that breath he’d been holding, and he knew that for now, at least, Graham wouldn’t die.

“Yes,” he said, answering the man.

When Tony came into the alley, he saw Graham sitting there, his body blocked from the street by a dumpster. It was smelly, and not exactly a pleasant place to hang out.

That told him how bad this was.