Page 60 of The Underachiever’s Guide to Love and Saving the World
It was my fault we were here. If I hadn’t let my trust issues take over my life, Courtney and I might’ve been home right now. Instead, I’d pushed people away. I’d pushed and pushed and pushed her straight to the gallows.
I ran around outbuildings and dodged squads of soldiers, ignoring the cries from the watchtower and the distant sounds of battle.
When I burst into the southern courtyard, it was like I’d stepped into a different world.
It was the same garden where we’d had lunch our first day here.
Purple and yellow flower beds surrounded marble statues.
The spray from the Chosen One fountain misted over my skin.
Royals were grouped together in tight clusters, fanning themselves and sharing gossip, and at the center, a scaffolding had been constructed.
On that scaffolding stood two figures—one, a guard wearing a helmet with a full visor, and the other, a girl in a dress with a sack over her head, tendrils of blue hair poking out the bottom. That girl had a rope around her neck.
“ Courtney! ” I bellowed with the last remaining breath in my lungs, then sneezed because of the flowers.
Her head swiveled in my direction.
I tried to charge forward, but after one step, my muscles froze, and I couldn’t move. I tried again. My foot remained stuck to the tiled path. Wrestling against the invisible force controlling my body, I strained, my muscles coiling, but still remained outwardly motionless.
The stupid hero potion. Amy had said Courtney was a traitor, and it wouldn’t allow me to save her. “Courtney,” I said again, but while my emotions raged on the inside, my voice was calm. A sob punched the inside of my throat, then sank deep into my gut. Every muscle in my body ached with emotion.
The guard shoved Courtney forward over a trapdoor. The crowd tittered with excitement.
I had to tell her before it was too late. Had to apologize for making her feel like she had to change. Had to say anything to stop the guard.
I love you , I thought, but the words lodged in my throat. Heroes couldn’t love traitors. I was too late. Only now, when I quite literally could not express how much I loved her, was I ready to trust her enough to tell her how I felt.
“I hate you!” The words burst from my throat in a desperate, raw scream.
A few of the onlookers nodded approvingly. The guard and Courtney paused, both turning to face me. At the front of the crowd closest to the gallows sat the king. He waved a hand, indicating I should continue.
I lifted my chin even though, if I could have, I would’ve crumbled to the ground.
My insides churned. I was going to be sick.
I couldn’t say what I wanted to, but maybe if I said what I didn’t want to, she’d understand.
We were forced to be enemies again, so when I told her all the ways I hated her, I hoped she’d know what my insults meant.
What they’d maybe always meant.
“Courtney,” I called, “I hate how brave you are. I hate the way you prove me wrong. I hate how you barged into my life and ruined my plans. You have not made my entire existence brighter. Your morbid jokes have done nothing to keep me from losing my shit this week. And you kiss like most people play the saxophone—that is to say, not very well.”
The guard shifted at that, so I hurried my words.
“You make about as much sense as any season of Riverdale , aside from season one.” I paused.
“The first season was admittedly pretty good.” I had to try a few times to get the next sentence out because the potion kept cutting me off, but finally I was able to say, “You think you’re not hero material because you’re too flawed.
Well, Bilbo Baggins was unambitious. Winnie the Pooh was a glutton.
Luke Skywalker only started the adventure that led to him becoming a Jedi because he was attracted to his sister .
Sure, maybe he didn’t know Leia was his sister when he got her hologram asking for help, but he was still only compelled to rescue her because she was hot.
Imagine only wanting to do good deeds—” because you’re hoping to get some ass , I was going to say, but the potion cut me off.
“Imagine only doing good deeds in hopes you might… fornicate with a grateful princess.” I rubbed a hand through my hair, my eyes burning.
I was afraid to blink, scared of what might happen.
I drew in a ragged breath. “So yeah. I can’t tell you you’re a hero.
I can’t tell you it’s okay because heroes aren’t that great either.
I certainly can’t say that you don’t have to try to be more because, to me, you’re already more than enough. ”
A loud sniff caught my attention. It was Courtney’s guard, apparently moved to tears by my speech. He was wiping at his eyes—or I assumed he was; his face was concealed by a hood. Another sniff, and he shifted, his elbow bumping an important-looking lever.
The trapdoor collapsed.
No. The word ripped through my brain, nearly strangling me as it got caught in my throat. I simultaneously wanted to look away and never look away.
The rope went taut, the sack flying off Courtney’s head, revealing—
A pale, grinning skull with two blue ponytails roughly strapped to its head. My entire body convulsed in shock. The skeleton raised its hand, peeled off its glove, and waved with a little flutter of white phalanges.
On top of the scaffolding, the guard stepped forward and pushed back her hood, revealing a head of poorly cut hair. Courtney looked across the crowd at me with shiny eyes and smirked. “Hey, jerkwad.”
The gentle insult caused every cell in my body to light up with joy. Somehow she was free of the potion.