Page 19 of The Underachiever’s Guide to Love and Saving the World

I fiddled with my reins. “I don’t want to get off until you do.” I caught what I said and knotted my jaw, feeling my ears heat.

“Such a gentleman.”

“I’m scared of horses, okay?” I said, with about as much aggression as one might use to say, I’m going to force you to drink bleach .

A delighted smile spread across her face. “A Chosen One who’s scared of horses,” she crowed.

“It’s not so bad once I get going. I can close my eyes and pretend it’s fun.”

“I don’t wanna hear about your sex life.”

I would do anything to get her to stop thinking about me and sex in the same brain wave because it made me think about her thinking about it. “Could you maybe help me down?”

A smug smile crawled across her face. “If I leave you there, you’ll be stuck forever, and I’ll win by default.”

“All Chosen Ones need help from their sidekicks every once in a while.”

“I’ll manage.”

“No.” I huffed. “I mean I’m the Chosen One, and if you leave me, you’ll be failing to do your sidekick duties.”

“You said doodies .”

“Real mature, Courtney.”

Releasing a long sigh, she watched Amy putter with his picnic basket. “My butt fell asleep,” she admitted. “I’ll probably fall if I try to dismount, so couldn’t help you even if I wanted to.”

“Well, well, well.” How the tables had turned.

A pale green moth the size of a kite dive-bombed Amy, and he spun around, swatting at thin air as it fluttered off.

My horse grew skittish from all the excitement. I gripped my reins hard. Remaining on the horse was suddenly scarier than getting off it. Before I quite knew what was happening, I’d swung a leg over my saddle.

What do you think you’re doing? my mind screamed at me. But my body dismounted, even though my heart pounded in my throat. My feet hit the dirt, and I rested a hand on my horse until my footing steadied.

Still shaking, I shoved my horse out of the way and walked to Courtney’s side.

Her eyes went round as she looked down at me.

She still wore the makeup from our world she’d had on the morning of my birthday, but it was dark and smudged, making her look like some kind of feral forest creature—an unimpressive one who devoured pizza rolls and Starbucks. “What are you—”

“Don’t make this a thing,” I said, lifting my hands. “Get off the horse.”

She did, a little quicker than I’d anticipated, slinging her leg over the saddle and half falling over the side.

She slid between me and the horse. Her boots hit the spongy forest floor, her legs wobbled, and she fell against me, winding her fingers in my shirt.

I barely caught her. The horse snorted in protest. Or maybe that was me.

My jaw ached. I willed myself to unclench my teeth, but warning bells blared through my head with the trumpeting intensity of a wailing Death Star alarm.

The no-touching rule had been shat on.

My breaths shallowed with each passing second.

Her vest had laces crisscrossing up the front.

I started to visually trace the paths of the strings through the eyelets, then stopped, realizing my brain was calculating how best I might go about loosening those strings if she let me.

My hands, fixed to Courtney’s waist, grew clammy.

I trained my eyes on a spot above her head.

Unknotting my jaw, I rasped, “You have terrible blood pressure if you still can’t stand.”

“It’s been three seconds.”

“They make medication for that, I think. Cheerios. Running. I don’t know.”

“That would lower my blood pressure, which would be the opposite of helpful in this situation.”

Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me . If I avoided eye contact, I’d be fi—

She adjusted her hands, sliding them over my chest, wrapping her cool fingers around my biceps. My muscles tensed. I tried to remind myself she’d only touched me to keep from falling. I shouldn’t analyze.

Courtney blinked up at me. “Bryce?” She said my name all breathy in a way that sent my brain straight to the gutter.

“Courtney,” I said. Because all I could do was say her name back. My gaze fell to her mouth. The thin gold hoop dividing her bottom lip in two suddenly felt like it was placed there for the singular purpose of tempting me.

Her breath warmed my neck, so different from the cool spring air. It was odd how such warmth could come from a woman with a heart of ice.

“The sausage is ready,” Amy said.

I released Courtney and eyed the charcuterie board Amy had laid out. I needed to get a grip. A firm one. On anything but Courtney.

We joined Amy on the log, where I focused harder on cheese than I ever had in my life.

While Courtney dived in, Amy stared into the distance and prattled on about gods and the foundation of the world.

He briefly mentioned the unknown Evil One we were supposed to vanquish, before talking about a maple leaf for a good half hour.

It might have been a metaphor for something deep and important, but the main point got lost along the way.

I kept stealing glances at Courtney over my sausage.

Now I knew I wasn’t in a dream, things had become…

different. I couldn’t shake the memory of Dream Courtney because Dream Courtney was Real Courtney.

I’d slept in Real Courtney’s bed and woken up with an arm slung over Real Courtney’s hip and was imagining Real Courtney saying my name in that same bed and in that same pleasantly concerned voice she used earlier .

Shit.

I couldn’t sleep this one off. I was stuck with horny brain, which wasn’t good.

Horny brain made me fixate. It made me see a random thing, like, say, Courtney’s nose, and suddenly it was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen.

It made me momentarily forget all her unappealing qualities like her selfishness and arrogance and how nice her fingers felt wrapped around my arms—

Damn it. At least she was making me horny now instead of happy. Horny was just another form of misery, and misery was safe.

“And so,” Amy was saying, his trembling lips smacking around a wedge of cheese, “how do you two plan to use your magic to defeat the Evil One?”

My thoughts scattered. “Magic?”

“Of course. I assume your powers manifested, leading you from your ordinary lives to ones of adventure, calling you to overthrow darkness?”

“Not… exactly.” Courtney looked at me like we shared a secret—dirty gossip whispered in church with horrified delight—and I felt myself unraveling at my very tight seams.

The whole thing pissed me off. Basic things like her looking at me or saying my name should not affect me. I willed my heart to calm. After my oh my god, this is not a dream moment this morning, I was on edge. That was all.

“What if our powers haven’t… manifested?” Courtney asked. “What if we aren’t capable of using magic?”

“Of course you’re capable,” Amy said. “Just because magic doesn’t exist in your land doesn’t mean you’re incapable of wielding it in a place where it does.”

That sort of made sense. It was like if you grew up having never seen a spoon, then you were handed one as an adult: You could use it even though you’d never seen it before, if only you learned how.

“But how do we get magic?” I asked.

“You must chase the sensation of others’ positive perceptions of you to find the power inside,” Amy said unhelpfully.

“Huh?” I asked. “What does that mean?”

“Exactly what I said.” Amy swayed on the log. “Charisma is the source of magic. Once you feel it inside you, you can use it to your advantage.”

“Charisma,” Courtney deadpanned.

My day turned around in an instant. “You mean we need to be charming to have powers? Courtney, you’re going to be so great at this.” My smile hurt, it stretched so wide. I leaned against the log and crossed my ankles.

“Charm is all well and good, to be sure.” Amy stood, closing his eyes as he placed a solemn hand on an oak tree for no damn reason. “But there are other things that can help others see you in a positive light—good deeds, wit, and general kindness can all influence people’s perceptions of you.”

“General kindness.” Courtney paled. Her eyes searched me out, giving me an oh hell no look.

“You’ll do great,” I said, trying not to notice the freckle under her left eye. “I’m sure people will like you. Just be yourse—actually, in your case, don’t be yourself.”

To my surprise, Courtney flinched, the sparkle snuffing from her eyes, and I immediately felt like the world’s biggest jerk. Usually, no insult, no matter how heinous, made her flinch like that. Something about this conversation had her on edge.

Amy stepped away from his tree bestie and looked from me to Courtney. “I must say, I’ve never heard of Chosen Ones completely unable to feel their Charisma. Most of them are universally liked.”

“Why, though?” Courtney asked.

He blinked. “Well, I… I don’t know.”

“How can we get people to like us when you told us not to make friends while we were here?” Courtney asked shrewdly. “It’s hard to build connections when you’re not allowed to talk to anyone.”

Amy chuckled. “Oh no, no, no. You mustn’t do something so ridiculous as talk to the people. For their safety, it’s best if you keep your distance. You will be admired from afar, loved by society—an icon, a legend.” Amy clasped his hands. “I propose we try an exercise.”

“I hate exercise.” Courtney whimpered. I focused on not focusing on her whimper.

“Close your eyes,” Amy said.

“Oh, this is more my speed.” She shut her eyes.

Amy crossed to Courtney and placed what was probably supposed to be a comforting hand on her shoulder, but it came across creepy. “Think about your interactions with people, how their approval felt, then chase that feeling deep inside of you. There, you will find your power.”

“This seems like a toxic magic system,” Courtney said. “Do your children have a lot of self-worth issues if they aren’t immediately liked by others?”

“Oh, extreme issues,” Amy said gravely. “Power is strongest and easiest to wield during the initial rush of admiration a person feels for you, following whatever specific event sparked their adoration. Once that fades, so does your power. Though, if you have strong, constant appreciation surrounding you to draw from, you can be trained to pull upon it and awaken your magic at will. However, it is hard to access and takes much practice. See if you can feel any of that power now. I’m sure you have already amassed many admirers throughout the kingdom. ”

“Like chasing likes on the Internet.” Courtney shook her head ruefully, eyes still shut.

I pretended to join her, knowing I’d find nothing. I knew no one here liked me. But if I dedicated myself to trying to tap into my magic, maybe it’d keep my mind off tapping anything else.