Page 35 of The Underachiever’s Guide to Love and Saving the World

Where the bag had been seconds before, doubled over and panting, was the mouse, who I now realized had been carrying the sack.

“Some victuals for your journey, my lady,” he said.

“I’m sure you will be hungry by the time you reach the burial ground.

I included flint and steel for a fire. I suggest you thoroughly cook your meal to rid it of any impurities it may have gathered throughout the day. ”

Dismounting, I threw a smug look over my shoulder at Bryce. “Told you I have an animal sidekick.”

“Gregory Percival Von Squeak the Third, at your service,” the mouse said, eyes all aglow.

“Excellent, thank you, Greg.” I placed a finger on the mouse’s tiny shoulder. I’d underestimated how handy having an animal sidekick would be. He was like medieval DoorDash. Maybe I could take him home and coerce him into performing domestic tasks for me, like Cinderella did to her mice.

“I’m sure Greg the mouse will come in handy as we attempt to slay a dragon,” Bryce said, voice full of innocent sincerity that I knew was sarcasm.

Ignoring him, I addressed Greg again. “Would you like to join us? You wouldn’t have to fight a dragon, but you could keep me company.

” It didn’t seem like Bryce would be a very good traveling companion, seeing as he was so fixated on Pretending Like It Never Happened.

The idea of swapping lively banter with the mouse while Bryce sulked and felt left out was appealing.

“Nay, madam.” Greg shook his head gravely. “I must return to the castle and keep a lookout.”

“A lookout for what?” I asked.

“Anything that seems suspicious,” he said darkly, which was actually helpful, since we wouldn’t be there in case there was another kidnapping.

Before I could ask Greg if he’d happened to notice anything shady around the time of the first two kidnappings, he’d already disappeared.

Around the second hour of riding through the forest, my entire body hurt.

I swatted at a mosquito buzzing by my ear.

Humidity made my shirt stick to my back.

Bryce rode a few paces in front of me, and the sight of his stiff back marred the view of every misty waterfall, sunbeam clearing, and multicolored ring of toadstools we came across.

Needing something to take my mind off the discomfort, I broke the silence. “Should we talk about it?”

“How we’re going to fight the dragon?” Bryce responded immediately, shoulders growing even more rigid. “Absolutely. We need a plan.”

I sighed. If he didn’t want to talk about it, fine. The dragon was more important anyway. “Do you think we could provide our own Charisma? You know, one of those self-love situations everyone hates to see. Like, the power we always had within us fixes everything in the end.”

His shoulders rose and fell, but despite his sulk fest, he slowed his horse so I could catch up and ride beside him.

“Maybe we have to figure out our personal journey in order to make progress,” I went on, refusing to let his sullenness irritate me.

“In stories, it’s always the people who need to fix their lives or learn something about themselves who get swept into adventures that force them to change.

It’s only after they experience growth that their adventure comes to an end. ”

“So, why are we here?” Bryce asked. “Out of everyone, why were we picked to be heroes?”

I frowned bitterly. “Isn’t it obvious? On the day you told me to do something with my life, I refused and then got shoved into a world where I’m being forced to do something with my life .”

“It’s not that,” Bryce said quietly.

“Care to elaborate?”

“Not really.”

I pointedly scratched my ear with my middle finger. Out of the corner of my eye, I caught him breaking into a reluctant smile—which had been my intention all along. It was always best to combat Bryce’s gloom with cheerful harassment.

“If anything, it’s my fault.” Bryce sighed, smile fading as he plucked a cherry blossom off a passing tree.

He twisted its stem between his fingers.

“That morning, when you thought I was telling you to do something with your life, I didn’t care about your life at all.

I was only thinking of mine, and I wanted you out of it.

I was trying to push you away because… because I was scared.

You remembered my birthday, and I freaked out because it felt like you cared.

I’m not good at trusting people who care about me. ”

My blood slowed in my veins. I wanted to ask if his trust issues had to do with his I’m sure they’re fine parents and the reason he’d been raised by his grandparents, but if kissing was stringy, this was ropy.

Still, if the reason we were brought to this weird fantasy realm had to do with our buried backstories, we had to talk about them.

“Oh?” I asked, feeling shitty that I couldn’t manage more.

“It can’t be a coincidence that, on the day I tried to get you out of my life, I got stuck in a magical world with you. Maybe I’m the one who has to learn a lesson. Like in Groundhog Day , Phil Connors only escapes the time loop by changing into a better person… and winning Rita’s love.”

“It’s not that,” I said quickly, shaking my head, even though a nauseating feeling in my gut told me he might be right. “This has to be about something else.”

“How do you know?”

“Because love isn’t real! How can it fix anything?

It’s not some magical, selfless thing. All you have to do is watch a reality dating show to know that.

It’s all about: What can this person do for me ?

And: How does this person make me feel? Love is just taking and giving, taking and giving, swapping tiny pieces of yourselves back and forth until you both end up more broken than when you began. ”

Ever since I stopped changing myself in order to make other people more comfortable, I started keeping all the pieces of me for myself instead of using them to buy the affection of others, which meant I’d been alone.

Whole, but alone. The glue was still drying on the messy pieces of my soul, feebly holding them together.

I couldn’t fall in love because I would fall apart.

“You don’t believe in love?” Bryce asked, as though I’d just revealed I was a flat Earther.

“You do?”

“Yeah. I believe it’s terrifying.”

“You believe everything is terrifying,” I reminded him, not unkindly.

“I believe it’s smarter to run from monsters than close your eyes and pretend they don’t exist.” Bryce leaned over and handed me the cherry blossom.

“Unless that monster is only pretending to be a tough guy while she secretly mopes around believing no one cares about her. Then, I can’t seem to resist poking her big soft heart with a stick, even if I am pretty sure she’ll eat me for it. ”

Rolling my eyes, I picked at the petals of the blossom, trying not to like how nice his gesture made me feel. How seen he made me feel with his gentle teasing and his stupid kind eyes and his making me feel desirable and sweet and not like a deplorable burden to society .

I plucked the last of the petals from the flower. He hates me. He hates me. He hates me. And now I was the one who was terrified—too scared to give He hates me not a chance.