Page 51 of The Tsar’s Obsession (Bratva Sinners #1)

“Yeah, but…maybe stay with me for a bit longer?” Viv responded so kindly, but I shook my head to say no. It was time.

Back at my apartment, days passed in a complete haze, Viv’s words turning over in my mind. He made a mistake.

I stared out my window one afternoon and noticed a black SUV parked down the street.

The same one as yesterday. And the day before.

Yuri. Of course. I wondered if he knew about Ari.

What a stupid question! Of course he did!

Did he do it?! Such vile repulsion and deep sadness mixed inside me, and a wild thought ran through my head: I should go and confront him.

In my delirium and tears, I collided with a strong, big body right at the entrance of my building, and without raising my eyes at the man, I knew it was him , the man I loved and missed. His intoxicating smell hit my nostrils, and all my senses went numb.

“Mia…” Kirill breathed out as he steadied me with his strong hands on my back, but I couldn’t open my eyes.

“No, no, what are you doing here?” I whined, powerless to walk away from his grasp or even look up at him.

He pressed me against his chest, all his warmth and comfort infiltrating me after I’d been deprived for so long.

There were no words. He merely held me, tightening his grip with every breath, his own tears and silent sobs accompanying mine.

This. Was. Heaven. I was being stitched up with every passing second in his embrace. I was tasting sweet poison once more after being in miserable withdrawal.

“Mia, my love, Sunshine…” Kirill’s light sniffles reached my ears, and I snaked my arms around his torso, not wanting this to ever end. It was just him, just us again, connected, in love. Letting go would be the breakup all over again, but I had to do it. For my own sanity. For my own health.

I didn’t dare open my eyes. If I looked at him, I wouldn’t be able to contain my tears. “I have to go.” But my attempts to push him off were feeble at best. “Don’t– don’t come back here.” If I didn’t open my eyes, I could pretend this never happened.

“No, no, please don’t, Mia; just wait, please!” His shaky voice cut deeper into my heart. There was nothing to wait for, only more pain.

But all the pain was suddenly gone, vanished without a trace when the soft touch of his lips landed on mine, freezing me to the spot. This was too hard; this was too much! Why did he do this to me?!

But this was also so blissful. This was so good . My lips had a life of their own and answered back without a fight, his light stubble so prickly beneath my fingers. So sweet, so perfect, so mine!

Fuck.

I fell into it, and all traces of my resistance escaped me.

This was the sweetest, warmest, most desired kiss of my life.

I was weightless, floating in a pink haze of love and obsession.

I forgot all about Kirill’s lifestyle and the situation with Ari.

I just wanted this, only this, only him .

My logical brain was dormant while my lips and tongue caressed his, our bodies firmly pressed against each other.

He was mine, and I was his.

Was.

“Mia…” His lips traveled down my neck, hungrily feasting on my inability to pull away.

“Mia, come back,” he breathed me in, his voice broken, just like me.

“Come back, baby. I’m so sorry! Come back home, Sunshine.

” And as soon as he apologized, it all came rushing back.

Ari’s image in the hospital, his chain in my hands, Kirill all splattered in blood.

“I can’t…I–” I couldn’t get the words out. “I have to go; don’t co me see me again.” My hushed voice intertwined with his heavy breathing, and I collected all the strength I didn’t have to push him off, my eyes tightly squeezed shut.

“Please, open your eyes, baby. Please …just look at me.” His hands on my cheeks, I heard the pain in his whisper, but I was in self-preservation mode, and I knew that if I looked into his eyes, I would fold.

“No. I can’t look at you ever again.”

I ran back into my apartment and buried myself in my bed under mountains of blankets. For two days, I slept and took baths, seeking comfort from my own self. I was in a coma, refusing to look at my phone, to see the light of day, to even think about anything…but him .

He made a mistake. Viv’s words boomed in my head while I submerged myself in hot water. It wasn’t a mistake—it was a colossal fuck up. We both knew that.

Time heals, Mia. But I would need an entire lifetime. I would need all the time that ever existed in the universe to get over this.

He just wanted you; he was blind to everything else. And so was I. I refused to acknowledge who he really was. I suddenly remembered the eyeballs and what he said to me that morning—any man who touches you will suffer the same fate. He was open with me—honest—but I refused to listen.

And he was too scared to tell me what really happened with Ari because he knew what it would do to our relationship. He did everything possible not to lose me.

Two weeks later, after countless hours spent mulling over all that had happened, I finally stepped foot into my office.

My personal tragedy never left me, but I did my best to focus on the files on my desk when a light knock interrupted my weak efforts.

Ari peeked in and asked so courteously, “Hello. May I come in?”

Kirill put a stop to Ari’s antics, so there was no more Frank Sinatra voice, and damn me, I preferred it this way. I nodded and approached him, enveloping him in a warm hug, guilt burning my cheeks. “Ari, I’m sorry. I didn’t know.” I stepped back, my apology feeling empty and useless.

Ari huffed out a small chuckle but said nothing else, leaving us in awkward silence, just standing in front of each other. I was about to motion to a chair, but Ari started the conversation he came here for.

“That was a fucked-up thing he did, Mia, but I don’t blame you.

I just want you to know.” The late spring sun illuminated Ari’s face, a scar still visible on the top of his nose.

I nodded, wanting the floor to swallow me whole.

“I guess he was pretty serious from the beginning, huh? Viv said he stalked you for ten years or something?”

I hated that word mostly because I loved that he did, in fact, stalk me. I loved that his dedication led to our love story. I did a crazy thing ten years ago, and he turned his life around to get what he wanted. “He didn’t stalk.” I cleared my throat. “Just, you know…kept informed.”

The small smile that tugged at my lips sent waves of bliss through me. Those were Kirill’s words.

Ari bounced on the balls of his feet and nodded. “That’s a long time,” he said, evidently not knowing how to uphold this conversation. “He must be crazy about you…to do that. Both stalk you and try to kill me,” he clarified, the awkward atmosphere only intensifying.

But he didn’t try to kill him. Because Kirill wasn’t a man who tried —he was a man who got it done .

I fidgeted with my own fingers, forbidding myself from uttering my thoughts out loud.

“You still love him?” Ari blindsided me with the question, which was both invasive and stupid because the answer would always be a resounding yes. I could never stop loving him.

“Yes. Of course. I still love him.” My words were absolute. I was angry. I was devastated. I was broken. But I was also sure of how I felt about Kirill.

“Then you should try to figure it out. Between you and him.” Ari spoke quietly, his tone serious like never before.

“You’re a great catch, Mia. He must love you endlessly, and…

you’re not we ll. Obviously.” He waved a hand at me, like I was physically sick instead of emotionally.

“I love Carly, and I can’t imagine my life without her.

I care about you. I don’t want to see you suffer. No one does.”

Goddamn Ari. No matter how annoying he always was, he was a good man.

Hot tears poured down my cheeks again, the sting in my eyes familiar and pleasant now.

Ari headed for the door, adding his last words and breaking me down for good.

“I’m going to propose to Carly soon. Bring your plus one to the wedding; it’ll make for one hell of a toast.” He laughed easily while I held back my sobs.

"He’s the one who brought us together and gave us a chance. ”

Not waiting for the shock on my face to wear off, Ari gifted me a lighthearted smile and disappeared behind the door.

Alone, I sat in a meditative state, going over Ari’s words. There was no denying it—putting Ari in the hospital gave him and Carly a chance to connect. I shut that thought down quickly, forbidding myself from using it as an excuse to forgive Kirill.

My heart ached nonstop. I was miserable— all the time. These were the most difficult days of my life. I wasn’t just going through heartbreak; I was dying inside. But I also felt something else…hope. Or maybe excitement. Maybe…maybe we could give it another chance?

I ended the day early and decided to head home, looking forward to a hot bath and an empty mind. But right as I stepped outside my building, I bumped into Jeremy, like he was waiting for me. “Hey, Mia.” His tone was so light, as if he came by my office every day.

“Jeremy? What are you doing here?” For a reason I couldn’t pinpoint, his strange appearance set me on edge.

“I heard what happened. Your dad told me.” Oh great, everyone was discussing my heartbreak behind my back. “I’m sorry. Let’s go for lunch. I have an Uber waiting.”

I thought it over for a fleeting moment and then relented, not having the energy to argue with anything. Slowly, barely noticing what I was doing, I climbed inside the large SUV and slumped down in the back seat with a heavy sigh, Jeremy climbing in right behind me.

But in a second, it all registered in my mind. This wasn’t an Uber.

“Hello, Mia.” A deep voice with a Russian accent sounded from the front seat, and I twisted my head to see Dmitry turned toward me, a repulsive smile on his face.

Oh fuck .

This wasn’t the fun and easy-going version of him. This was not good; I felt it, I knew it. Instinctively, I reached for the door handle, but, of course, it was locked. Immediately, I tried the window, but that too produced no results.

“Don’t worry, Mia. It’s just a conversation.” Jeremy spoke beside me, oblivious to the danger he placed us in. His eyes pure and calm, he had absolutely no fucking clue what the fuck was going on.

“Just a conversation.” Dmitry nodded, adding my name, replete with meaning. “ Mia.”

The car pulled away from the sidewalk, and all of me shivered. My legs were numb with fear, and I stayed still in the backseat, wildly wondering how to get out of this. Scream, kick the driver, or try to negotiate my way out?

As discreetly as I could, I reached inside my purse to feel around for my phone. Kirill’s number wasn’t blocked, but I also didn’t have it saved anymore. But before I even had the time to finish my thought, Dmitry reached back and snatched the purse off my lap, taking my phone out.

Jeremy furrowed his eyebrows, finally catching on that he fucked up big time. Jeremy was shady; I knew that. No one achieved the status he had without getting their hands dirty, but Jeremy was absolutely no match for these guys.

Within a matter of minutes, we were already in an underground garage where another car was waiting for us. It all looked so familiar to me now: black SUVs, armed men, and a consistent aura of death and danger.

“Please, svet moy , this way.” Dmitry swung my car door open and beckoned me with an almost imperceptible smile on his face.

Svet moy. Kirill never called me that in front of anyone; I was sure of it, but he knew it. Oh Lord, what the fuck?

But there was no more time to think about anything else when a black cloth was quickly pulled over my head, my terrified gasp a useless deterrent.

“Is that really necessary?” Jeremy’s voice rang out, notes of worry clearly discernible. He was met with silence while I was shoved into another vehicle, my hands in someone else’s, their strong fingers binding my wrists together with zip ties.

This was a fucking disaster. Blinded and bound, my body jostled on the floor of a moving vehicle as images of mine and Jeremy’s deaths flashed before my eyes.

But that’s not what I was most worried about. Instead, the realization that I would never see those green eyes again, never hear his voice, never kiss those lips, overtook me, making me regret every single decision of the last month.

Where was the love of my life?