Page 50 of The Tsar’s Obsession (Bratva Sinners #1)

A Great Catch

Mia

There was just pain; there wasn’t much left after I walked away from him. Him. He no longer had a name in my mind. Viv wasn’t home when I arrived, so I slumped down on the floor at her front door. And I sat there. And I cried. And I wanted to die.

“Mia! Oh my God, are you alive?! What the fuck happened?!” Her voice startled me out of my dark trance while she assessed me balled up on the floor.

“Oh my God, Mia, what…what’s going on? Are you okay?

!” Poor Viv, I was sorry I did this to her.

My old apartment was off limits—the last time I was there, I was with him.

My tongue wouldn’t cooperate. I couldn’t explain what happened. But she understood. She held me and cried with me. She hugged me while I shook in pain and devastation.

There was nothing in my life. Day and night, Viv’s guest bedroom became my prison. I stayed in bed, drifting in and out of delirious heartbreak at nighttime and silently crying during the day.

I don’t want to be disappointed. I don’t want the headache. But the truth was I didn’t want the heartache. I never wanted heartache again .

My own words oscillated inside my head like an earworm. I never wanted the heartache again. But this wasn’t heartache; this was heart obliteration. This was the breakdown of everything I held true. This was a bomb that wiped out my whole spirit.

The fairytale was shattered.

“Girl, you have to eat something.” Viv’s voice, laden with worry, woke me from my miserable slumber.

“Here, it’s just a piece of bread with butter.

” The plate was gently placed in front of my eyes, but I left it there.

Instead, I drifted back into oblivion, devastated and refusing to participate in life.

My phone died days ago, and I didn’t bother turning it on. All my clients had probably fired me by now, but I didn’t care. I cared about nothing.

One day. Two. Five. Seven. Time had no meaning. I was empty. Lifeless. There was darkness inside me. Agony, betrayal, and the pitch-black shadow of his lie.

"Mia? It’s time to get out of bed, babe. It’s been like a week. Let’s go take another shower; that made you feel better a few days ago, right?” Viv was so tender, talking to me like I was a toddler. “I’ll help. Come. And then we can take a short walk downstairs and go for breakfast. Come on.”

Her warm hand pulled on my lifeless fingers to help me sit on the edge of the bed, but that only made everything worse. My head spun, and nausea suffocated me. Surprising, since there was nothing to bring up. I slumped back down.

Viv tried again. She smelled so nice. She always smelled so nice.

There were nice things in the world. My thoughts were disjointed and broken, but I held onto her shoulder while she slowly walked me to the shower.

She turned the water on and left me in front of the mirror, her worried eyes darting away from me.

Everything hurt, the lights were too bright, and my head pounded without respite, but my reflection caught my attention. Who was that? My eyes were sunken in and tinted gray and blue. I was emaciated and depleted, a permanent crease in between my eyebrows completing the resemblance to a corpse .

Where was that pretty girl who always looked back at me? Where was that confident woman? Who destroyed her? He did.

As the hot water beat down on the top of my head, I sat on the floor of the shower and drank the water that collected at my lips. What was I supposed to do next? His lie settled into every single part of my brain, into all of me.

Why did he do this? The wretched question burrowed itself like a parasite inside me. Was he a different man back then, like he said? No. Did I change him? No.

How was he? I missed him so much.

Every single thought about him was now bittersweet. Every memory, every moment was overshadowed by what he did to Ari. Overshadowed by his lie.

“Call Carly,” I told Viv after my shower, my voice rough and broken from lack of use. “Ask her to come with us. Please.”

An hour later, my omelet stared at me, but I was repulsed by the sight of food. Viv chewed slowly, watching me like a hawk, as if afraid I would stab the fork into my own eye. One thing Viv knew about me was that I didn’t do well with breakups. And this wasn’t a breakup. This was death.

Carly stepped into the diner, and my heart left my body. I had to tell her what happened. I had to deliver the news. "How is she?" she whispered to Viv, as if I was deaf.

"I have something that belongs to Ari.” I decided to rip the band-aid off immediately. My hand outstretched, I plopped the chain into Carly’s open palm, carefully watching her confused reaction. But in a second, she recognized it and gasped, the sound piercing me like a knife.

She was silent for what felt like forever, but then—

"You!?” she hissed. “You’re responsible for everything that happened to him?!" Carly’s face blazed, and she was on the verge of physically attacking me; I was sure of it. With all the strength I could muster, I explained what happened in a monotone voice, struggling to find the strength to speak.

Viv’s jaw dropped at the information, but Carly? Carly was about to blow up. "You fucking bitch!" she shouted, her usual composed and gentle demeanor completely gone. "You’re responsible for this! I can't believe you've been my friend throughout all this!"

The usual din of the restaurant halted within a second as heads turned toward Carly, who had pure rage and vitriol on her face.

"You’re a bad person, Mia! You and your fucking boyfriend brought so much pain on all of us!

I hope you get what you deserve! Dating a fucking killer!

? What did you expect?!” Her anger rushed out of her, and it was akin to being punched in the face.

“I knew he was a fucking shithead; I knew it! Your fucking criminal boyfriend should be in prison for life!”

Carly’s poisonous words set my whole body ablaze, but they also awakened such bitter anger inside me. How fucking dare she talk about him like that?!

“I'm sorry.” I used all my strength to speak.

“I'm sorry Ari was into me and you felt jealous!” All my emotions from the last week were bubbling over, and if Carly decided to take this road, I’d go down the dirty path with her.

“I'm sorry this happened, but this is not my fault! I had no idea he was responsible!”

Without realizing what I was doing, my body shot up and out of the seat, my chair tumbling down to the floor.

I shoved my finger in her face and told her everything that was on my soul.

“I knew you never liked him, but don’t fucking read me morality lectures!

I never ever wished anything bad on you or Ari or anyone else!

I was always your loyal friend! I was always there for you!

And fuck , Carly, I will still always be there for you, no matter what garbage and hate you throw my way!

" Without looking back, I stormed past her, hoping to get hit by a bus on my way out.

Viv found me on the sidewalk ledge outside my apartment building. I had no idea how I ended up there, but I did get a pack of cigarettes at the bodega down the street. I took a drag, immediately regretting my decision.

“Man,” Viv started as she took her seat beside me.

“So that’s what happened, huh?” She plucked the cigarette out of my fingers and puckered her lips around it, blowing the smoke out like she was in an old Hollywood movie.

We sat in silence for a bit, both just staring into nothing, but then Viv spoke.

“You know…when I was ten, my brother passed away.” I twisted my head to her, unsure if I heard correctly.

Viv and I had been friends for almost fifteen years, and I had absolutely no idea she’d had a brother!

Before I could even open my mouth to ask anything, she continued, “It really broke us all. He was only seven. Got hit by a car.” She took another drag, this time holding the smoke in her lungs.

“We were playing ball, and it bounced…and he ran after it.”

Viv exhaled, her usual confidence and energy gone without a trace.

“It’s going to be twenty years soon, and I think about him every day, but…

we all learned to continue living. Time heals, Mia.

Time.” My tears rolled off my cheeks, knowing that there were many details she probably left out.

She swung her arm around my shoulder and pressed me to her, both of us broken inside.

“He made a mistake.” Her words echoed in my ears.

“He waited ten years to see you and there was Ari…very obviously into you. Seriously!” She suddenly turned chirpy, the cigarette bobbing between her lips.

“Put yourself in his shoes! He takes and gets what he wants—he got you!” She swatted at my arm, and I ripped the cigarette out of her mouth, her energy passing to me.

I took a drag and coughed, about to respond, but Viv wouldn’t let up.

“He didn’t kill Ari, Mia. He could have!

But he didn’t. He’s not a regular, simple man—you know that.

” She leaned back to catch my gaze, all of me in shambles from her words.

“But that’s not why he did it. He just wanted you ; he was blind to everything else.

What did you think he was going to do?” She posed a valid question.

“Politely tell Ari that you were off-limits? Fuck no!” Her enthusiasm brought a smile to my face for the first time since it happened.

Through my renewed tears, I inhaled the nicotine once more. The last time I’d smoked was with him . In fact, it was exactly around the time Ari was pummeled half to death. That felt like forever ago. Kirill was so differe–

You've changed me, Mia.

The thin stream of cigarette smoke curled up past my eyes, and his words burned inside me. It wasn’t only him who changed—I’d changed too.

“Help me move back home?” I asked for help. He always encouraged me to ask for what I wanted.