Page 31

30 MEG

‘Meg?’

Suddenly, she wasn’t alone anymore. Hannah was there, and Mark lurked behind her in the car park. They had found her. Of course that had been what she wanted. She had begun to feel cold, wet and even more sad, but then she felt silly, embarrassed even, and fearful of how it would be to tell everyone what she’d done.

She started wiping her eyes. The crying that had started outside the pub had stopped when she arrived here but now was beginning again. Hannah rushed towards her and hugged her tightly, and Mark moved closer under the cover as the rain continued to patter against the metal, pooling in dark reflective puddles dotted around them. Meg imagined for a brief moment the pools of water across the car park being made of her tears.

The trolley hut had been constructed with huge grey and green panels and steel connective arms, like scaffolding. Meg remembered some point during her time in Sixth Form when they had just stopped putting trollies there. As she’d been running, she had worried it perhaps might finally have been taken down. No, here it had stood waiting for her, after she’d run for what felt like forever. Her thighs still burned. It was the place she used to come and cry when her parents upset her, or another girl was mean to her, the place she used to come with Gus, everyone thinking they were kissing when really they would sit, sharing headphones, listening to Lady Gaga.

‘It’s okay,’ Hannah said. ‘We’re here.’ She nuzzled into Meg’s side, as if she was afraid to let go. ‘I was so worried. Please never …’

‘Sorry,’ Meg managed to say through the tears.

They stood for some moments longer, until Mark spoke.

‘I’ve just texted David, told him you’re here.’

‘Okay. Thanks, Mark.’ Meg wiped her eyes and Hannah led her to a railing just above the ground where they were both sitting.

‘Why did you run, Meg?’ she asked.

‘It’s all too much,’ Meg replied. ‘This was about us, and now I’m ruining everything.’

‘Everything?’

‘Yes, everything! You’re being patient with me but it’s rubbish! We should be enjoying ourselves and instead we have all of this. I don’t know if we should even … I don’t know, I don’t feel like we have enough time to make a decision, I feel like life’s just here, suddenly, happening.’

‘None of this is your fault—’

‘It is though, isn’t it!’ Meg said. ‘They’re no one else’s parents, and I’m the one who keeps inviting them to things.’

‘Which is normal!’ Hannah said. ‘You are not your parents, Meg, you are your own person. I love that you’re optimistic. I love that about you, that you’re not writing them off and you believe people can change.’

‘Everything is too much. It’s too much … What if they don’t change? How stupid I’ve been …’

She felt slightly better, seeing Hannah, but she could feel her insides heaving against her ribs.

‘I wish you’d told me you were feeling like this,’ Hannah said. ‘I thought you were happy and going to see if they came or not, and go from there? We discussed that together.’

‘It’s just never going to be normal though, is it? Never on my terms …’

‘I never thought they’d show up and do that either; no one did. You can’t control everything.’ Hannah sighed. ‘I think what we need is to make a plan.’

‘I think we probably need them to just say whether they’re coming or not … none of the in between. They come on our terms or they don’t come at all,’ Meg said.

‘Okay.’

‘But let me think about it … They’re my parents.’

‘I know, Meg, I know,’ she said, rubbing Meg’s back. ‘You know if you want to postpone the wedding, that’s fine too. Whatever you want, I’ll do it. We can cancel everyone’s invites and do it just us. I only care about us being together.’

‘I can’t make you do that.’

‘You’re not making me do anything.’

‘We’ll lose money though, Han.’

‘I don’t care about money!’ Hannah said, laughing. ‘Meg, let me be your partner! That wouldn’t be ideal, of course, but it’s better than this.’

‘I just thought they’d pull through,’ Meg said. ‘I thought they’d do the right thing, because … they usually do. In the end, they’re usually okay.’

‘Well they’ve not necessarily done the right thing in the past; they’ve done the minimum. They’ve not exactly been supportive, ever.’

‘Do you really think that, Han?’

‘Yes, I do,’ Hannah replied. ‘It’s been ten years; it’s never exactly been easy.’

Hannah looked at her, like she was considering telling her more, or feeling like she’d already said too much. Meg was grateful she didn’t elaborate, not right now.

‘Maybe I was completely blind and only saw what I wanted to see,’ Meg said. ‘I just thought we were just a family that didn’t say sorry, or talk about things like that. I thought that on the inside, they had grown.’

‘Maybe.’

‘Should I just tell them not to come? They’ve given me enough reason. It’s just …’

‘I’ll do whatever you want, and I’ll support you,’ Hannah said. ‘Don’t you ever think that’s something I don’t want to do. Nobody would blame you for cutting them out of the day, but I certainly don’t blame you for wanting them there, at all. Nobody else does, either.’

‘Okay.’

There was a rumble of a car and headlights passing through the gaps in the panels of the hut, and after the noise of footsteps coming towards them, David arrived. He stood just under the roof, shoulders wet from the rain, face wet with tears from his eyes, then, running past Mark, he came forward to hug her.

‘Oh, Meg,’ he said. ‘You had us so worried! Never do that again! Promise me now, please .’

Meg couldn’t help but laugh, that finally there was a real adult here, who could tell her what to do, and who could get them all in order. After they had hugged and he had let go, all of them looked at David, hoping for something. They were all dripping wet, and shivering slightly. What did they want from him? Maybe it was answers and an explanation, maybe instructions, maybe even a telling-off would do. He was their best hope.

While they all waited to see, David moved forward to hug her again, and Meg felt like he needed the hug as much as she did.